thanks, anita;) it is great to have a friend like you, sometimes writing things out helps me see things better and feel less stressed and you are a great listener;) I feel like my ap english friend that is great at science has become quite competitive against me. he is better at physics and mechanics than i am and it makes me feel inadequate at times. i have decided to do some meditation to help. I also enjoy working out and am going to work on healing my hands, acne and eyesight. it can be hard to focus on reiki at times, but i’m working on it. ever since i have been doing yoga, calisthenics and track, i have gained more flexibility, agility and strength so that has improved. i find it is easier for me to heal my right side than it is my left with reiki because i use my right hand more often and have a connection to it more. i am working on trying to heal both sides of the circulation in my hands and also my feet. since my brother is in college and doesn’t help out, my parents need help at the restaurant because when my dad does deliveries, i have to help my mom in the kitchen. my special friend is quite encouraging and is glad that i am health conscious and am working out. there are times when he lets me borrow his phone for meditation music so i can concentrate. he tells me he is afraid that i am losing myself and who i truly am by dwelving into the competition and it’s putting a strain on me. my physics honors teacher doesn’t explain things in detail and i tend to have to process so many things at once. my parents say the reason why i am struggling in the class is because my mind wanders onto something else like sports or to my special friend, but it doesn’t. when the teacher is teaching, i try to listen and take notes and process everything and when the teacher is done teaching he gives us a worksheet and after three days, we have a quiz and after five days we have a test. i think the strain i have on me is that my ap english friend who is great at science is feeling insecure now that i’m catching up to his knowledge and since he likes science as much as i do, he is competing against me so i feel strained and obligated to try hard in physics honors. i think we are tied in math, so now we are competing in science. also, ap exams are may 11 and may 12 so i am studying for ap english and ap world history. my parents want me to learn how to drive and get my permit. also, i feel bad for my special friend because whenever i feel strained, he worries about me, he doesn’t like the idea that i have so much going on right now and he feels like my math and science interest is pulling me away from who i truly am. there are times when i feel like i am falling behind in physics honors and i feel strained because i’m worried i will do bad and i won’t be able to get into a good college. also my ap english friend who likes science and i have some of the same colleges in mind and i think i am better at philosophy and psychology than he is, but we are somewhat tied in biology and chemistry. since i care about my special friend, it worries me when he is worried about me. he often tells me that he wishes that we could spend more time together, that sometimes i spend too much time doing school work. i agree that i want to spend more time with him, but we both are quite shy around each other at times, although no matter how busy our schedules we still care about each other.