Dear Rachelforlove:

I understand that you are feeling very badly for that one time event you had with the other person. I understand that. You might think that if you tell your boyfriend, you will feel better, relieved of the guilty conscience, this burden. Unfortunately, it may feel better for you for a short time, but the price for that short time relief will be lots of misery to come and you may have to break up the relationship, or he will because it would be too painful.

You have future challenges to deal with in this relationship as there are in every relationship. You will have your … plate full with problems to deal with, from more unwashed dishes to future problems yet to come about. It is not necessary to add this one!

You made a mistake and you sincerely regret it. This pain you are feeling, this burden is the natural consequence of doing something wrong. You are already suffering. To choose to inflict suffering on your boyfriend so to feel better yourself, for a short time, is very selfish and adds injury to injury.

If you can’t handle the guilt, then break up the relationship. This may be the price to pay, but I wouldn’t inflict this on him. Of course I don’t know him… do you think he deserves to be hurt this way? To be punished?

anita