so the track workout i did yesterday was fun and it was 2 laps around track (800 m, 15 minutes); throwing 1 kg discus (25 minutes); Squats with 10 lb weights (4X8, 8,6,6); chest flies (3X8 with 8lbs and you have the dumbbells while seated and when you bend over, you raise the dumbbells); Incline Press (similar to a bench press, but your body is on an incline, 3X10 with 10 lb bar); 15 minus 2’s (start at fifteen and go down 2 with squiggly bars and 10 lbs); Good mornings (kettlebells, raise a leg and bend over 3X12). For core, i did 25 russian twists with 8lb medicine ball (these are hard); 25 crunches; 25 leg lifts.

i felt kind of sad for not spending time with my special friend when he asked me to go for a run with him after school today because i had to stay after for physics honors and work on potential energy. anyway, he wished me luck and said that he was glad that i was working out in track, but he also seemed a little sad that i was spending time on math and science more. i feel like i need a balance between my math and science and track friends and my special friend because i feel bad when he feels inadequate.
he seems a little possessive of me these days and he often says “no matter what happens, i won’t let you go because i care about you.” i’m glad that we continue to be there for each other and i still care about him. even though, i love all of my friends, i feel like he and i share a spiritual connection and there are times when i can be shy around him because i realize he’s the reason i know what spiritual love is. if it weren’t for him helping me through seventh grade and taking a chance, i might not have been the person i am now. that is why we share a strong physical and spiritual bond. i feel like nothing is impossible and that i am smart when i’m with him and he gives me the freedom to enjoy sports and be out in nature without the pressure of school. in other words, i feel more alive within myself and more at peace with life. these days, i get the feeling that he wants to have more than a spiritual relationship with me like he wants to be a boyfriend. he’s always telling me that when he’s with other girls, he doesn’t feel as if they accept him as much as i do and that he hasn’t met another girl like me. sometimes when i’m busy with my other guy friends and i’m trying to learn more to become better in school, i often hear him say to his friends “doesn’t she know she’s already perfect the way she is? doesn’t she know i can be the one who can be the support she needs?”

i always enjoy being an independent person and playing sports with guys, but i’ve never really contemplated having a relationship with anyone. this goes into the the fact that i have conflicting emotions about my special friend. i have had two relationships which i was betrayed and used and i’m not sure i want to open myself to another guy. i promised myself that i wouldn’t fall in love again after being betrayed in sixth grade and toward the beginning of seventh grade before i met him, but i find that i enjoy being with my special friend and do love him even though i can be quite shy at times.

the greatest thing about my special friend is that he is the most laid back of all my friends and he always finds a way to make me laugh and get my mind of school so i can truly enjoy life without having the burden of school always on me. when my parents criticize me for having my head in the clouds, for playing sports and hanging out with guys (i’m generally a tomboy), e always listens and understands. when my parents get stressed at the restaurant, sometimes just thinking of the friends i have and also of my special friend makes me smile and enjoy the beauty of life. to me i think life can be effortless and full of miracles and light. even if my special friend doesn’t end up being my soul mate, we will still carry the spiritual love and help others as well.