Yup, that’s kind of true regarding my family’s general approach to things. I don’t like going out much anyway but yes, being isolated turned me into even more of a recluse and I sometimes feel I’m not even half as mature as a 26 year old would be expected. I don’t even talk to girls or like to be around them in real life. I doubt anyone close to me here would believe I’m in love with one. 😛

There indeed is a strong message in the dying part, yes. I am very protective of those I love. Like, protective to insane levels. I see insults against them everywhere, even when not intended. Another incident: in that TV show forum, we had once tried holding a birthday celebration of my favourite actor together with a veteran actor in the show (they share birthdays). When the latter’s fans began getting rude saying stuff like, “How dare you do this, is your XYZ as important as our respected veteran?” I posted there, “According to you people, is she a dirty *censored* and not even fit to be called a human being?” Same with the incident regarding my other friend. My brain interpreted her jealousy towards the girl I love (let’s just call her Jerry) as something insanely exaggerated and it got that response from me.

In the past, many of my arguments with Jerry used to go like this:

Jerry – Look, they were just defensive about their favourite actor since he’s a veteran and understandably deserves most attention. They spoke well of her in the past too. Your reaction was out of line.
Me – If they respected her, they wouldn’t have said things like (insert quotes of those people). But yeah, after all she’s just a useless piece of *censored*, what does it matter right?
Jerry – Don’t you use such words for her! Even they didn’t do it! And you’re not the only one who cares for her, even I do! I don’t like you behaving like this.
Me – Of course, you don’t like anything about me. I’m just a *censored* and I hope I don’t wake up alive tomorrow, I merely trouble you all. Goodbye!

Then I would storm off and in the morning there would be a hundred apology messages from her saying, “Bro I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that! I love you.” I would feel really bad and apologize to her too. But incidents like this happened not just once, or twice… literally hundreds of times. Anyone else in her place would’ve left me long ago. I took her love for granted, clearly. Though I always felt genuinely bad for my behaviour and truly love and care for her, I don’t feel anyone who ever looks at my behaviour can feel it’s true.