dreaming715,

Thank you for asking me to share my story. I’m not sure it’s a very interesting one – except to me, but it’s probably much the same as many others’. I haven’t told it in many years, and I don’t put myself out there much, but if it might cheer you then I’m happy to share. I’ll try to keep it short.

When I was sixteen I fell in love with a boy. He was sweet and funny and handsome. I was crazy about him and I believed he felt the same about me. I honestly believed we’d be together forever. It makes me shake my head now to think how naïve I was. Eight months later he rather abruptly broke up with me (for another girl), and I was not only completely blind-sided and devastated, but completely disillusioned. I cried for days, moped for weeks, didn’t date again for almost a year. I’m sure everyone has a similar story – the one that got away. I know it seems silly: We were so young and we weren’t even together that long, but he left an imprint on my heart. I was sure I would never again love someone as much as him.

I learned to guard my feelings. At eighteen I became a cynic. Over the next couple years I dated a lot of guys, but didn’t give my heart away to anyone. I still wanted to be loved, to find someone to whom I could say aloud all the silly, sweet, awkward things that rattled around in my head, but I couldn’t risk being wrong again. With each new guy I dated, I went into it knowing they were going to let me down and when they did I quickly moved on – there was no forgiveness or second chance on my part. Occasionally I’d find someone who seemed to really care and I’d convince myself they were only saying it out of a sense of obligation or a desire to manipulate me. I beat guys up (not literally) from a “prove your loyalty” standpoint and they always fell short. I set them up for failure. I drove them away.

The day after a particularly ugly breakup, I went to see my best friend. I sat on her bedroom floor and announced: “I’m done with dating. I’m done with guys. They aren’t capable of love. I’m not sure what it is they think they feel, but it’s not love. I’m so tired of getting my hopes up and then being disappointed. I’m just going to be single for a while. I’ve had enough.” But even at that moment, deep in my silly heart, I still believed in true love. I still wanted to believe I would find it.

Then I met a man. He was calm and confident and charming and sincere. Almost the moment I met him the cynic in me evaporated and suddenly I couldn’t stop blurting out every hopelessly honest and ridiculously romantic thing that popped into my head. And he would smile and move closer instead of stepping back. He made me feel safe to be my unguarded, heart-thrown-wide, silly awkward self again.

Like I had with other guys, I slowly peeled away his layers, but instead of being certain I’d find a rotten core, I hoped this time I would not. The deeper I got, the more I liked him. He was honest, and caring, a person of good character, and he really, really, loved me. There was no doubt in my mind. The day that I stood at the altar with him, saying our vows, I remember feeling a deep, unshakable certainty that I had made the right choice, and there has never been a moment of doubt in my head since. We have been happily married for 25 years, have two kids, a home and a business together. He is my best friend. He’s seen me at my very best, and my very worst, and through it all he has loved me unconditionally. I don’t just love him, I’m still IN love with him. I believe he was MADE for me.

Obviously a lot of life happened over those 25 years, and it wasn’t always easy or perfect, but no matter what life threw at us, we handled it together. I once heard someone say a good marriage is about finding the person you want standing with you, back-to-back, in the foxhole shooting at anything that comes your way. This pretty much sums it up. It’s not always sunshine and roses, but I’ve never had to look over my shoulder to check if he’s still there defending my back. He is.

That’s my story. My apologies for rambling on so long. Thanks again for asking. I’m not sure what I’ve said here will really help you in any way, but I just hope maybe you won’t give up. You sound like someone with a lot of love to give – there are guys who want that – who are mature enough to respect that gift and return it. Hope you have a great day! ☺