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You Are Broken; Let Me Fix You

Mosaic Face

“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.” ~Sven Goran Erikkson

Let me fix you.

You really should try not to be so sensitive, Leah. The world is sometimes a difficult and upsetting place, but you shouldn’t let it affect you so much.

Let me fix you.

You know, you really ought to spend more time with people, Leah. It’s not good for you to be alone so much.

Let me fix you.

You know, you really shouldn’t make such quick, spur-of-the-moment decisions, Leah. It’s not good to do that in life and you’ll end up regretting them.

Let me fix you.

You’re so young, Leah. You should be out dancing and dating and having fun, not sitting home alone with another book.

Let me fix you.

You need to be more realistic, Leah. I know you have big dreams for your business and life, but it’s not secure. We all have to do work we don’t enjoy, it’s just the way things are.

Let me fix you.

Thank you for trying to fix me. Now let me tell you this…

Let me tell you…

My greatest strength is empathy. I feel others’ feelings as if they were my own. Their pain is my pain. Their joy is my joy. I cannot help but cry sometimes and I cannot hold the tears in, as you would like me to, nor wait for a more convenient moment.

Please don’t try to fix me. My sensitivity is my gift.

Let me tell you…

I am an introvert and a thinker. Introspection is in my blood. Long periods of time alone are a joy to me. Where others might feel lonely, I feel replenished.

I ponder, I reflect, and I muse over the thousands of dreams and ideas that are always in my head. I’m filtering, planning, connecting the dots and making sense of the world around me

Please don’t try to fix me. My thinking is my gift.

Let me tell you…

I am a woman of action and I do not like to wait. Once my mind is made up there is no turning back. Where others might be stuck in indecision, I have moved ten steps ahead. My life is in motion and I am creating in the real world the dreams I have in my head.

Please don’t try to fix me. My ability to act is my gift.

Let me tell you…

The future is beautiful to me. I see all that is possible and all that I want to create. In vivid colour and in high definition it appears to me. Whilst others see all that is wrong and the reasons why not, I see all that is right and all that could be.

Please don’t try to fix me. My dreaming is my gift.

You Are Not Broken

For the longest time, I thought I was broken. I thought I had to change myself. I thought I had to behave differently. I thought that my way of being wasn’t the way of being. I wished I were someone else.

At school my reports went like this:

“Leah is a wonderful student but she’s too quiet and needs to speak up more in class.”

In my nine-to-five office jobs it went like this:

“Try not to be so sensitive, Leah. It’s not good to let people see you cry at work.”

And when I handed in my notice, it went like this:

You can’t go through life making rash decisions like this, Leah,”

And even now, almost three years into my journey of creating my dream life and business, it goes like this:

“We believe in you, Leah, we really do, but don’t you think it’s time to look for a more secure job?”

Everyone, everywhere, throughout my life has been ready with advice for me on how I should be.

Over the years, not knowing any better, I tried to bend myself to their suggestions.

I tried to be less sensitive. I tried to hold my tears in. I tried to be less impulsive and less impatient. I tried to spend more time around people. I tried to tame my dreams.

But when I tried to do all these things, all I felt was pain and it didn’t make anything in my life work better the way people told me it would.

Finally, thankfully, today, I see the truth.

There isn’t and never was anything to fix.

The very things that others told me were my faults turned out to be my greatest strengths and my most beautiful gifts.

When I finally saw and embraced them as such, I was able to begin creating a life that encapsulated everything that I am instead of constantly struggling and trying to be something that I was not.

It’s true for you too. There is nothing to fix.

If you find yourself surrounded by people telling you should or need to be different, I hope these three short notes will help you let go of what they’re telling you and to embrace instead what is truly special about you.

1. You are not broken, faulty, or defective.

There is no right or wrong way to be. Each and every one of us makes sense of the world differently. The way you are may be different to those around you, but that does not make your way of being wrong.

Instead of trying to bend yourself to their suggestions, take note of what the people around you say you should be like. There is a very good chance that they are pointing the way to your most special gifts and the things that make you uniquely you.

2. Use your unique gifts to create a life you love.

When you recognize, understand, and accept your personal strengths, you have the opportunity to consciously and thoughtfully craft a life that is in alignment with those strengths, instead of trying to squeeze yourself into a mould you won’t ever fit into.

I didn’t see it at the time, but the pain I experienced in my office jobs were clear signs that I wasn’t where I was meant to be. The roles I was in didn’t value my biggest strengths and work often felt like a battle against my very nature.

By seeing, understanding, and accepting my own personal strengths and gifts, I have been able to create a business and life that allows me to freely be all that I am. You can do the same.

3. Forgive those who try to fix you.

Remember that those who are telling you to be more like this or less like that—it’s not their fault. They, too, are filtering everything through their own set of unique gifts. Go easy on them; they’re just doing their best, like the rest of us.

Listen to what they have to say, take anything that feels useful but go ahead and drop the rest without a second thought.

Let me tell you this, my friend…

There is nothing to fix and nothing to change.

It is in those qualities that others might find difficult to accept that you will find your power.

It is in the acceptance of those qualities that you will have the opportunity to not only create a life that feels right for you, but to have the greatest positive impact on the people and world around you in this short and precious life.

You are a gift to the world. Just as you are.

Mosaic face image via Shutterstock

About Leah Cox

Leah is a writer, entrepreneur and ever-curious student of life passionately encouraging others to follow their heart with fierce courage. She believes the world needs you to go all in with your dreams. Get a free copy of her ebook, The Conscious Creator’s Manifesto here.

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  • What a wonderful post, Lea
    Ya, we don’t need to fix anything. Everything comes naturally. On some points, I connected with your points very much. We must not change the thinking and nature of the individual. There is no need to pinpoint anyone. Everyone wants to have a happy and successful career.
    As you said, we must utilize all the unique gifts showered on us. It may sound awkward to others. But, this gift is close to your heart. So, waste it’s worth by thinking about other’s opinion.
    We all have to change our mindset by leaving “Let me fix you” tendency to “Let is be”. Thanks for this lovely reminder.

  • Thanks, Yatin, for this lovely comment. I’m happy this article was a nice little reminder. Yes, we all have so much beautiful individuality and uniqueness to offer. Let’s celebrate that! Love, Leah

  • Stacy Kramer

    Thank you. This post came when I needed it the most. Sending gratitude to you.

  • Nancy W.

    Oh I love this! I really needed to hear this today. Thank you for touching my heart 🙂 #ImNotBroken 🙂

  • Ah, you’re so welcome, Nancy. I’m so happy this was what you needed to hear today. Love, Leah.

  • Yay! You’re welcome, Stacy. Love, Leah.

  • Jonathan Lareau

    well said, well written, lots to learn…thanks!

  • Peace Within

    All of this is so true! We are all different and that is what makes us special. When I was letting peoples opinions shape who I was becoming it made me depressed. When I let all of that go and just stayed true to me, accept myself for who I was, I found my own peace and freedom. Now, if anyone has an opinion I listen, but I filter it out. What is good for them, may not be good for me. Thanks for the reminder.

  • Thank YOU, Jonathan. Glad you enjoyed it. Love, Leah.

  • YES! Beautifully said. Thanks for reading and commenting. Love, Leah.

  • Holly

    This article really spoke to me. Incredible. Thank you for sharing.

  • Cynthia_M_V

    Leah, I am happy for your happiness, and that you have crafted a life that you love!
    My journey has been different. Years ago, when I insisted I was fine the way I was and that my problematic behaviors needed no adjustment, a wise friend pointed me in a different direction. I found a special place of healing where I learned that many of the qualities that had not served me well, such as my hypersensitivity, defensiveness, isolating and more, had developed very naturally in response to traumatic childhood events. As I learned about these survival techniques I could appreciate them for when they served me as a child and could choose to modify or eliminate them from my adult life. My journey to self acceptance embraces ongoing self improvement, so I can love myself while becoming the best person I can be. I have found that key qualities, such as empathy, have not been lost in the process. Rather, they have been put into truer perspective, enhancing my ability to help myself and others. I am a happier person, able to engage in and attract healthier relationships, less and less bound by the toxic residue of my past programming.
    I shudder to think what my life would be like today if I had ignored my friend’s advice and carried on as if I did not need “fixing”. Sometimes, some of us need fixing. I did:)

  • Adam

    This article really relates with the book I’m reading at the moment (“Think on These Things” by Krishnamurti). He writes: “It is very easy to conform to what your society or your parents and teachers tell you. That is a safe and easy way of existing; but that is not living, because in it there is fear, decay, death. To live is to find out for yourself what is true, and you can do this only when there is freedom, when there is continuous revolution inwardly, within yourself”.

    I’ve had the same struggle with office jobs throughout my 20’s and finally cut the cord because my life was becoming increasingly stale. I was existing, not living. I also think as humans we have to realize that a majority of our feelings of being trapped or overwhelmed come from living in a consumer society where we’re constantly being bombarded with promises that the next car, watch, shoes or other product will secure our happiness.

  • Talya Price

    Thank you for this. I needed to read something like this because lately I have felt that I am broken. And I do not know why.

  • Hi Adam,

    I love your comment. Thank you. It sounds similar to work I’ve read by Osho too.
    And I very much agree with what you say about the consumer society – we are very disconnected from what truly matters a lot of the time. Thanks so much for reading and for your insightful comment.

    Love, Leah

  • Hi Talya,
    You’re welcome. Thank you for commenting. Please know that you are most definitely not broken. With love, Leah.

  • Hurray! Thanks so much, Holly. Love, Leah.

  • Hi Cynthia,
    Thank you for your beautiful comment and for sharing your story and new perspective. I’m so happy to hear how things have changed for you, too, as a result of you being open to your friend’s advice. Maybe that’s what it’s about – simply being open to the possibility that others may have something helpful to share with us but trusting ourselves enough to know when it is something we need to take on board and when it isn’t helpful for us in that moment.
    Love, Leah.

  • Sendai1

    Thank you so much for this! I’ve been searching for alternatives for ‘I’m broken’ and it didn’t quite occur to me to view my perceived ‘weaknesses’ as my strengths. A fresh perspective is much appreciated!

  • Ellie

    Thank you for this, I have a person in my life who is always telling me i need to fix myself. Your articular really hit a chord. Bless you.xx

  • Katydid

    I thought you were channeling my mother there for a minute 🙂

    I’ve never been super social, but I eventually knew it was a personality trait and not an affliction because my brother can work a room like nobody’s business. Then, I had a son who loved sports, but would then need downtime in his room, reading or building something cool with Legos.

    He and I call it “ODing on people”. We can go be “out there”, at a party or a busy mall, but we need time to decompress at home. Fortunately, he is well aware of what he needs and how much he can take of certain situations, and does not consider himself in need of fixing 🙂

  • Denise Givens

    My goodness, your words summed up much of my life! This article means so much to me and helps me see that what others have considered my weaknesses, really are my strengths! Thank you so very much!

  • Hi Denise,
    Thank you so much for your lovely words. I’m so happy this article was useful to you today. I’d love to know what your beautiful strengths are, if you’re open to sharing?
    Love, Leah.

  • Ha ha!

    I love how you call it “ODing on people”! I feel exactly this way. I was actually running a workshop at the weekend at a pretty big event and absolutely LOVED being there and doing that. But whilst everyone was heading for drinks afterwards, I made my getaway because I was all peopled out and needed time to process, think and be alone. It’s nice to just know that’s how I function best and be ok with that.

    I’m glad your son knows already that it’s totally ok for him to be just as he is.

    Thanks so much for your comment, Katy!

    Love,
    Leah

  • You’re really welcome, Ellie. I’m happy if this article helped in some way. Love, Leah xx

  • Brilliant! I’m glad this offered some new perspective, Sendai. Love, Leah.

  • Rachel

    This is such a wonderful message, Leah, and I’m glad you figured this out early in life. I’m just now dealing with this truth in my early 50’s, and I so wish I’d heard this years ago. Thanks for sharing!

  • Michelle

    Lovely. Thank you for writing this – it really resonated.

  • John

    This by far is the most inspirational piece of wisdom I have ever read, I am ok the way I am, makes sense

  • Jayne

    Wow, this was very timely. I have had a week of people trying to fix me and I am so exhausted! Thank you for the kind reminder to embrace what makes us unique. For me as it is with you, I am an introvert, an empath, impatient and ever passionate about the present and future xx

  • Marie-Jeanne Brouillette

    Wow ! Love this, I can relate to everything you said ! A lot of people comment negatively about how introvert I am. I don’t go out a lot for my age and sometimes I feel like maybe I should be différent and more social. But this makes me feel like I am not the only one who likes being by herself. Thabk you 🙂

  • It’s TOTALLY ok to like being by yourself. If it feels good for you, it can’t be wrong. Hurray for the introverts! Glad you enjoyed this, Marie-Jeanne. Love, Leah.

  • Yes, your beautiful uniqueness! What a wonderful thing to just embrace our true nature. Thanks so much for you comment, Jayne. Love, Leah.

  • You are not only ok, you are perfect, John. Thanks so much for your kind words. Love, Leah.

  • Thank you, Michelle. Love, Leah.

  • Thank you dear Rachel. I’m happy this message was a good one for you and that you are discovering your own truth. With love, Leah.

  • hamideh

    You wrote greaaattttte 🙂 you changed my day

  • Yay! Thank you for this lovely note. Love, Leah.

  • Lexis

    This is so beautifully written and inspiring, Leah! It is exactly what I needed to read this morning.. thank you so much for sharing yourself with the world. I wish you the absolute best on your journey! <3

  • Ginny Gilmore Brown

    What a perfectly written jewel of wisdom, the perfect thing for me to read this morning! I am sending a link to my creative, beautiful, talented, introverted daughter who still often second-guesses herself because she has been so … beaten down by those in her profession who believe she “should” be … them. And the best part about her is… she’s NOT. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

  • bigdo

    it is a truth that some people sadly never realize—you have to be you. There is no wrong way to “do” life… sans killing, raping, etc., of course. Other than that, there is no right or wrong way to be human… Society at large worships material things…that’s how people compete with one another.. they waste their lives doing shit they hate, to buy things that they don’t need to impress people that they really, most likely don’t even like… it’s truly madness.

    I walked away from it all too… and I feel good about it… NO ONE understands, but that’s to be expected… being critical of others is so commonplace now, it’s almost reflexive for most people…I still do it too… and when I do, I hate myself for it, because it is wrong…

  • Lynnie

    Oh Leah, this hits so many home truths. I live on my own and I do a lot of activities on my own and there are some people around me (work colleagues mainly and from their own perceptions) who find it very strange and ask if I am lonely at all? Not at all, I tell them. I am genuinely happy and comfortable in my own skin and space and if I feel the need to talk to someone, I will catch up with my close family and friends. I have learnt, only recently, it is really important to have people around you who are truly happy, who truly love you and who are supportive in anything you want to do in life. It took me some time to learn this but I think I am almost there! Thank you for this great article, Lynnie 🙂

  • Hi Lynnie (that’s such a nice name),

    Thanks so much for your comment and I’m so pleased you enjoyed this article. It’s so nice to hear that you are so comfortable and happy in your own skin which I think is a rare thing. Love, Leah.

  • Hi Lexis, Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment. And I’m so happy this article spoke to you at a time when you needed it. Likewise, wishing you lots of love on your journey, Leah.

  • Oh wow, I love this, Ginny. For me it was truly a turning point when I realised I was not only fine the way I am, but brilliant because of it. Your daughter sounds incredible. I always think…if we could only see and believe in ourselves what the people who love us see…we would truly be unstoppable in our potential to create magic in the world. So happy you enjoyed this. Love, Leah

  • ** You have to be you ** I think that just about sums it up.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbLlCxK0pHY

    Indeed, there is no right or wrong way to be human. Love, Leah

  • Lynnie

    Thank you, Leah! It took time. I would say it has only been in the last year or so I can truly say I have become comfortable in myself and my own abilities. All the best, Lynnie.

  • Vid

    I think most important thing is to develope a high self-esteem. Giving advice is second most easiest thing to do in the world and those people give advice or comment on you who think they are better than others and others should be more like them. Its true for everyone, even for myself.

  • Paula

    Thank you so much for writing this wonderful post! I really felt like you were describing me. I always felt alone because those around me didn’t understand at all. I felt isolated because of how I was treated by them and not by how I was treating myself. I have begun yet again to try to build up some inner strength to be the real “me” that’s dying to get out. At 47 years of age I’ve attempted this quite a few times. Right now it’s good to know that I’m not as alone as I felt in experiencing all of this. I feel hopeful about turning it all around. I’m not going to back down until I make it happen! Thanks again!

  • Wonderful. Thank you for this emotional and touching read. It has the power to stir people’s souls. And this is so necessary.

  • DD

    ‘I feel others’ feelings as if they were my own.’ I know of this ability, but this article just made me realise how this is actually a super-power ! 🙂

  • YES! Often our super powers are the things we don’t give a second thought to because they are so normal and natural to us. Love, Leah.

  • Thank you so much for your beautiful words, Martina. I appreciate it. Love, Leah.

  • Hi Paula, I’m glad this article has sparked something inside you and renewed your determination and energy. I know that feeling really well of the ‘real me’ dying to get out and felt that way for a long time myself. It’s never too late and you’re never alone. Wishing you lots of love and luck on your journey and thank you for leaving a comment here. Love, Leah.

  • High self-esteem – YES! So, so, so important, Vid. Love, Leah.

  • vickie

    Society places a lot more value on extroverted behavior,even the word shy has negative connotations.But introverts are the thinkers,they are natural counsellors and creative’s,they are necessary in keeping the balance.loving your own company,that’s a strength!

  • Tir

    Negativity can even get to us through the Internet. I’m learning to be careful of the sites I visit and to not go into comment sections except here and other mindfulness sites. You are so right….glad you took your life back. I have lived a non conventional life with my husband and we are extremely happy. Money was less important than quality of life.

  • Tir

    I loved reading this article and the comments of the people who relate. I gave up law for writing cozy mysteries and I have never regretted it. My heart was too empathetic for that career and money really didn’t compensate for my loss of self. Thanks for writing this….we all need to be reminded that life doesn’t need to be lived for others fears or expectations.

  • Ian

    It’s inspirational that you made this change in your life despite naysayers. I’ve been thinking lately that there’s something wrong with my brain that I can’t just sit at a job I hate like everyone else w/o feeling like I want to quit all the time. It’s a wretched way to be to look at the coming day with dread. I’ve tried acceptance, altering perceptions & attitudes, prayer, etc but I can’t get past that this is just a waste of a life. I just don’t like the job; it depresses me. “But that’s just the way it is.” Family & friends always make it seem like just quitting to find out my purpose is just about the worst thing a person can do.

  • raeganc

    What you have shared here Leah is really great. That we are all unique and have our own essence and expression and it is all of our responsibility to feel what that is within us. We all have it, an essence that is unequivocally us. So it is up to us to find out what that is, our strengths and let that shine, whatever that is. Claim it for all its worth. This is something for a lot of my life looked outside of myself for, external things like acceptance from others, guidance, love, recognition, always listening to others of approval. But it has been in me building a true and deep connection with myself, through simple and practical lifestyle changes that has changed so much of my health and wellbeing and most importantly the relationship i have with myself. Through this, i hold myself with such love and respect, and self honouring of all that i bring, to my work, friends and family, to all in fact. But it starts with the connection i have and hold with myself.

  • Anayansi Iris

    Thank you so much.

  • Patrycja Ochmańska

    Wow this is exactly precisely THIS what I am feeling now. Made same steps, again, and calmness of understanding came.
    Suddenly panical fear stops. Wooah, thank you for sharing thoughts with me, you describe my actual challenge perfectly.
    Well time to turn on the looking for whats right and let go of what is no more serving me, lets make some space and take a breath!
    Water has the power above fire.
    Love your ways of seeing and enjoy with classy your deep understanding.
    Namaste