Thank you anita and helcat for your sharing once again….

Setting aside the topics we discussed above, I wanna share my today’s experience that causes me to feel so deeply sad inside.

So today is my birthday, and this time none of my friends send me cakes anymore like in the previous years….. I’m not sure that this is just me being overdramatic or i havent understand how the adulthood works…. some of my friends are partly from uni and the other ones are from my highschool…. The ones who text me birthday wishes are only the people who i’m very close with and we text often…

I was shocked that the only cake that i get is only from my family…..

I usually get 3 cakes…. Since i graduated i’m not very close with my friends from uni but they still sent me cake (like 8 people purchase a cake for my birthday)…. All my uni friends are from the same country as me, but most of us are scattered on a different provinces..

I always thought that they’ll still send me a cake till i marry someone, and due to this i’m still close enough to invite them…. but this situation makes me think that it’s quite impossible….

I have more uni friends than my high school friends… my uni friends that usually purchase the cake for me are 8 people unlike my high school friends (4 people)…

But today, i only got birthday wishes text from 2 people… and they are the ones that i frequently contact with…..

Even my parents ask me, why didnt i get any cakes today from my friends……

Usually me and my uni friends sent cakes to each of our friend every year… but i guess this year that trend is ending….

But i assume it’s because few of my uni friends now have their girlfriend/boyfriend…so they are busy with themselves

Today is another gloomy birthday of mine, just like last year…..

I assume this how the adult life works is it?

It’s not that i’m dwelling on this, it’s just that i feel sad….

I dont really have many friends in this city, as i dont have many friends in my high school,  but i got quite a lot of friends in uni (unfortunately they dont live in my city)….

I feel like anita is right, i’m too alone and too isolated… but i cant really help it…. my family is a lonely family (my dad’s family are not close to each other, therefore i dont have any cousins to contact with)

whereas in my mom’s family (my mom’s mother divorce with my grandpa, and my mom is an only child)…. hence i dont have any close cousins from my mother..

I guess maybe this is a sign for me to try to find someone so i wont get alone? (like a girlfriend), i’ve tried doing activities like going to the gym but still i still feel alone…..

Dear anita,

she didn’t intend to hurt your feelings, but she should have been aware that her question was likely to hurt your feelings. And with that awareness, she should have exercised self-control and not ask you how tall you are.

it is unfortunate that short men suffer discrimination in a variety of contexts. I wish it wasn’t so.

= I suddenly remembered that i experience this kind of situation back when i was still in high school, it was at the prom night… and at that time there is an event on which male student would win the best suit for the prom night…. and turns out it was my junior who won (chosen by the student council)…. i don’t really care much because i never expect myself to win…..

Then one of my friends told me “it should be you who won, but i guess maybe it’s because you’re short so it’s kind of hard”

Well it took me a lot of time to dress nicely as i have my preparations a week before the prom night….. i really wanted to look good but i never intend to win the best suit… i just wanted people to praise how i look…..

I knew his words are genuine, and he’s really hoping that i should’ve got the best suit…. but then those words really hurt my feelings…. i went home feeling down… at that moment i realized that there’s no hope for short guys to get the best looks in a party…

Here i notice there are lots of people who don’t realize that their words could hurt other people’s feelings (although they didn’t intend to hurt their feelings)… Besides good communication skills, i guess i’ll also have to learn on how to have a strong mentality to avoid feeling down due to other people’s words…..

Also,

Today i’m going to share my progress in communicating with those people in the gym…. and turns out i still can’t talk to that guy who used to offer me his eggs….. So today after finishing my exercise with my trainer, i sit in the lobby playing with my phone and then that guy sit next to me watching tv while eating his eggs…. but we didnt talk at all…… I’m forcing myself to talk to him but it wont come out….. i still havent dominate this anxiety and also i dont know what words to initiate with him…. He’s sitting there beside me for like 10 minutes and both of us didn’t say a word…. I thought he already labelled me as the “unapproachable” guy…. But then after he finished watching, he asks me “do u want to watch the tv, here’s the remote”…. then i smiled “no thank you”… then he closed the tv……. I was shocked that he still initiate a convo with me…….

I’m still mad at myself, like how many attemps do i need to succeed……..

Dear Helcat, thank you for your response..

They probably stopped because you showed no interest in talking. If you initiate they may resume interest.

Have you tried the small steps of saying hello to the people you don’t speak to?

= Nope i havent tried saying hello to them because i still find it awkward as i feel it isn’t “me”…. i’d like to initiate them with a more less awkward situation…. one of those guys usually watches tv in the gym lobby after a tiring workout and i’m planning to talk about “television stuffs” with him…

What is your favourite thing to talk about to friends that you are more comfortable with?

= I usually adapt with their topics, and if i understand the topic…. then i’ve solved the problem,

Once i’ve solved the problem… cracking a joke is a piece of cake for me.

But then, both of those guys topics are usually about intellectual stuffs like business and finances…. the only topic that i communicate with is about the country’s recent news…. Does this mean i’ve to improve my knowledge so that i can talk to people easier?

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by Eric.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by Eric.

Thank you anita, for asking on how i’m doing

In the previous post you asked:

Back to your original post: the atmosphere in the gym you go to, according to your descriptions, is friendly. When the older guy offered you an egg, you said “no thank you”, with a smile. Following that neither one of you said anything to the other. Next time you see him eating an egg in the same circumstance… what will you say or do differently, based on the information I quoted above?

= I haven’t seen him eating an egg these days, but if he offers me an again… i’d answer him differently. Yes i’d still reject the egg and smile. But i’d continue our conversation by asking him “do you bring this egg from home”? or “do u bring eggs everytime you workout”?

Yesterday i went to the gym and the situation is still the same… after i finish my exercise with my trainer, he talks with those 2 guys while i’m sitting in the corner of the gym playing with my phone.. They were talking about the recent news in my city and about politics. Tbh i can talk about those topics, but the barrier is still there…I tried to force my mouth to speak, but the feeling of unsafe is too big… like i feel that i’m not me if i just jump into their conversation, i’m not that kind of person. I keep waiting for one of those guys to open a conversation with me… but it never came…. I guess the only way is for me to jump in their conversations….

I’ve seen most people do that normally, like jump into any conversation, but i still find it hard…. because i never get to know people using this way, while most people get to know strangers by doing this method. Mostly in my life, i get to know new people by planning on how to approach them (so i feel safe), or because we have the same purpose (in uni, in my office).

Those skills of jumping into conversation… i feel like i need to learn it, cause imo it’s essential in networking with people.

I won’t give up on this… i’ll try another attempt the next time i go to the gym.

Go ahead anita. I’d like to hear what you’re gonna say.

Dear anita

1. Yes, i’m pretty sure it’s the result of my improper sitting posture.

2. Nope i didnt blame myself in the past. I only start blaming after the bulge appears.

3. Yes, i feel regret when i blamed myself for this mistake… like i keep getting negative thoughts that my body is no longer like normal people due to my bad sitting posture.

4. I’m pretty sure it’s caused by the way i’m sitting and not by any other actions.

Dear anita,

It’s not my shoulder bone i suppose, it’s the end of my collarbone in which on the left side of my body is higher… like it pops out by 1cm which creates a bulge on my shoulder.

What i’m regretting here is that i’m worried if my future partner would view me negatively if she, for example cuddles me or etc. Like she might notice my shoulders has a bulge, which might cause her uncomfortable.

I also felt regret that this bulge could mean that i cant use my left hand freely anymore. Like if i overuse it or using it with too much strength it could get worse. I’m also worried that i can’t do several sports anymore. I keep imagining a disabled person who can’t use their hands or someone who has injured their hand and can’t use their hands fully anymore. Thinking about it makes me sad for creating this issue for myself. I dont want it to go worse than this, i want to enjoy my life with these 2 arms of mine.

Dear anita,

Nope it’s not diagnosed with a scapular winging by a doctor. I just found out there is something pops out from my right upper back, and when i research it’s most likely scapular winging.