Dear helcat,

The business trip was quite okay, as im just accompanying my parent because im still in the phase of learning…. And no, we dont travel for business trips often, once in a while…

I experience anxiety only because the girl im dating said that she may wanna work in the capital…. which cause sadness and worry every time i visit the capital now…. The anxiety isnt due to being in a big city, im quite okay with big city because every year if there is a long holiday i went on holidays to another country, so i visit big city often…

Dear helcat,

Thank you for trying to reassure me that meeting friends and family might be a good thing instead of negative, and also for reassuring me that not all people are unpleasant but there are also kind people…

I hope my decision in posting on social media along with the handbag, bracelet and flowers will be a right decision… and will prove to improve the relationship….

There is also something i’d like to share, so i went to the capital of my country for business purposes with my parents…. And i feel sad, because i remembered that the girl im dating now said that when she graduated later on she “may” have a plan to work in the capital…. She is now still on her uni in our city (our city is not the capital of our country)… but she told me i shouldnt think about it too much as it’s still next year and it’s not fixed…

Well it’s true that in every capital city of a country, the chances for earning are much higher…. But as for me i cant be in the capital because my family’s business are in my city, i want to reassure her that she’s fine with me in our city, she can just try to find job in our city not in the capital….. But it’s all up to the individual…

So when i went to the capital i saw a good looking guy working, i keep imagining… what if she go to the capital and work and finally get attracted to a good looking guy in the capital…. She might leave me…. And i feel so sad and worried….

This is also my reason why im trying to reassure her of my financial capabilities, to prevent her from going to the capital…..

Do u think this is a habit of mine, trying to find something to worry in our relationship? Or it’s a normal thing that im trying to anticipate a heartbreak, and therefore trying to find solutions for the relationship?

Because the event is only few days away, and i need to make sure that my decision is correct….

And regarding my “small house” trauma that i wrote in the previous page (the 2nd thread from below), do u have any opinions about it?

Right now you are blaming yourself. Well I should have made our relationship official. I should have posted photos. I’m afraid she will leave because I’m not good enough. Telling yourself that you made mistakes and this anxiety is the result.

You will come to learn in time that none of it is true. It’s all simply an old habit. Something that you’ve done over and over for year’s because you had bad experiences as a child.

= Yes, i know it’s an old habit of mine, always blaming myself for my mistakes….

It’s just that i miscalculated, i thought it’s better to post our relationship on social media on an important occasion, like valentines day… I never thought she’d have a staycation before valentines day…. If i knew about it sooner, i’d have posted our relationship before she go to the staycation with her friends….. I really miscalculated…

Because i’m really grateful that i’ve met her, especially after my heartbreak with my previous crush…. That’s why im trying my best to avoid making mistakes….

~ the above one is confusing so just read this one ~

Dear helcat,

Children can be very cruel. I’m sorry they did that to you. To a child big house = money.

= yes, and tbh till this day i still hate those people who mock my house, and i wont invite those people when my new house is fully constructed….

I also think that whilst on one hand there’s trauma, on the other there are social and cultural concerns that you are very aware of.

That is why your plan with the gifts sounds like a good idea to me.

= Yes, i’m really aware of the social and cultural concerns that’s why im planning to give those gifts….

Even there is another cruel thing in the past, one of my friends doesnt believe my family owns food markets, housing complex because of my small house…. It’s really annoying, and im still annoyed till now…. Yes her house is big, but it’s not that our family cant build a house like that, we can build a house like that…

On the plus side, I’m sure that her parents are very aware of your financial capabilities, especially since your company just built their house. I’m sure that they will make her aware of the situation.

= No, my company didnt built their house, when i visited their house… her mother ask me what my company does and i told her our company build and sell houses… i really wanted to explain further that time but the conversation topic changed…

You never know, your parents may be considering building a house sooner than you think. Since you are dating they may be considering your future. Being married one day and raising children of your own. It might be worth having a discussion about it.

= yes, because as u know in my country’s culture,  couples who get married still lives with the husband parents… it’s a normal thing here…. But some also choose to be independent and live individually after marriage…. It’s a matter of choice…

And yesterday i’ve discussed it with them… and yes they’ve planned on building a new house but dont know when will it start constructing as they’re still thinking of 2 choices……

Using the land to build 1 big house with a garden or use the land to build 2 separate house with a garden… so my parents said when i married later on i’ll live in a separate house but just beside them…. But if the land is used to build 2 separate house it’ll definitely be smaller than the “1 big house with a garden”

Tomorrow she’s going for the staycation, i’m going to have to brace myself….

I really hope that everything will be alright, till those 2 events (the standup comedy show and valentine)….. I really really hope so 🙏

Tbh, i’m also starting to regret why i didnt post a picture of both of us when we were having a dinner with my family, i could show to people that both of us are together… and maybe it’d feel more ease now…  But i’m trying to not think about that regret….

Now that i’m going to have to wait for 9 days to meet her, so the earliest i can post about our relationship is in 9 days, so i have to face the obstacles first…. I hope i can wait calmly for the next 9 days…. It shouldnt be long right?

And thank you for hearing my anxiety, i’m really in frustrated state right now… and having someone who’d like to hear my anxiety is really assuring…

Dear helcat,

Thank you for the technique suggestion, i’ll read more about it and tell you how is it impacting to me….

As you’ve suggested imagery, i used to use ways by hearing calming music in youtube while i close my eyes…. Trying to calm myself from overthinking and worries… But it’s not really working as im impatient…

I’m also going to share that this is recurring anxiety due to the theme of being afraid she will leave you as you have anxiety about not feeling good enough. It isn’t really linked to occasions, this is a constant fear for you. But occasions such as this do bring it to your attention.

= Yes, you are right i’m afraid that she’ll leave due to im not good enough…. But is this not linked to ocassions? It’s due to my inner fear?

Like for example if she doesnt go into staycation with her friends, it’s definitely safer right? Like no boys will notice her…. But due to this occassion, it’s exposing her existence and showing her pretty appearance which might trigger boys to initiate a text with her…

All i can hope is that what she post later on wont trigger any boys…

I’m trying to find several ways to calm myself and i’m gonna use your suggestions too, because i’ll never stop thinking about it till she finishes her staycation….

I’m trying to calm myself while planning for those 2 events with her….