Forum Replies Created
February 25, 2021 at 4:48 pm #375228
I didn’t mean to appear as fickle online. Unfortunately, I still have issues when it comes to opening up to people about who I really am. It sounds completely irrational, but I always think that someone I know will come onto this website, they’ll be a person I know IRL, and then they’ll confront me about what I wrote about them regardless of what the situation was. That’s partially why I haven’t been as open to you lately. I care a lot about how I appear to the public eye. While I’m mostly private in real life, I sometimes get really terrified at how people can find where you are on social media. Whether it’s from searching your name, or seeing you tagged in a post, you’ll always be discovered.
Truthfully, I kind of like having a little mystery to my personality. If I’m mysterious, then you’ll always be surprised by what I reveal about myself. I don’t know. Maybe spending too much time on Twitter with its Cancel Culture has impacted me more than I thought. Cancel Culture is a term where someone can say or do something controversial to a public forum and then other people will find so-called “receipts” about how horrible of a person you are. Sometimes I think that’s justified if the person has broken the law, but other times, I think it’s so extreme. But in a way, it was kind of my own fault because I don’t take enough time on Tiny Buddha to reread past threads to analyze how I come across to you and other people online. It’s a good thing I’m a writer. In a way, you can come up with your own interpretations on who I desire to be as a person. That being said, if you want me to be more vulnerable, I can do my best to answer as honestly as possible what you want to know about my life. It won’t always be easy because I’m still healing from unresolved childhood trauma. I truly hope that helps and you can feel free to tell me about your life as well.
Sincerely, AiyanaFebruary 25, 2021 at 4:35 pm #375226
Dying, or changing your hair in any fashion, is a huge transformation. I also read your other thread regarding how much you love chocolate smoothies. Coincidentally, I actually went to a little place in my city called YoYo Ice Cream. I got a chocolate smoothie myself. Just writing this thread makes me hungry. I even make smoothies at my house sometimes. I know it sounds forward, but I wish I was quarantined at your place right now so that we had protein shakes together. Plus, like you, I also have a bit of shyness at first glance. Being introverted, it would allow me to come across as closed off. I hope to hear more updated about your life.
AiyanaFebruary 22, 2021 at 7:03 pm #375081
Dear Zeeza and Anita:
This whole thread sounds problematic to me in regards to your current work environment. Zeeza, I won’t lie. I am pretty concerned for you. Even though we’re strangers on the Internet, I don’t want all of this to drain your energy. I’ve been in your shoes. I don’t know what your passions are in regards to having another job. Do you want to be an accountant, lawyer, or an art therapist perhaps? To top that off, I really want you to find a therapist who specializes in grief. Some people might argue that losing a pet isn’t the same thing as losing a loved one who’s human, but it was still your dog. You created this intense, wonderful bond with Casper when you first laid eyes on him. You took him in your home when no other person would. He’s been there for you in the ups and downs of life more than your own boyfriend and job has ever had for you.
I know it doesn’t seem possible now, but you can stand on your own two feet. I’m also not saying that you should do this, but you should seriously consider breaking up with your boyfriend. I haven’t heard one good thing about this guy and I don’t want a biased opinion of him, but everything you’ve told us about him seems to make him an unlikable character. If he has good traits, then he likely doesn’t show them often. Anyway, you should really do more self care. That’s what I’ve done when I needed to get my life into order. Set goals too. Follow your passions.
P.S. Anita, I’m glad that you are doing okay as well. Hopefully you won’t fall again.February 22, 2021 at 6:31 pm #375080
It has already been two weeks since I last contacted you. I believe there are several reasons for that. I’m taking more action to being independent just like Zeeza. I have a friend who is considering becoming my roommate. And to top that off, I am able to have some income even with a roof over my head. I thought about staying up all night to apply for jobs so no one in my family would think I was being lazy. Truthfully, my new group of friends know about my situation and they’re willing to help out. My writing is getting better too. I do these contests every week and I’m able to do them when I can.
On top of that, I’m organizing my room, but I would need to secure a job in another state so that I buy some storage area to put that stuff away. Have you ever watched the show “Hoarders?” I’m glad my house isn’t like that. Although, I will admit that I am a bit of a packrat.
AiyanaFebruary 14, 2021 at 9:49 am #374675
Dear Zeeza and Anita:
Please take care of yourselves this Valentine’s Day. Lack of self care makes everyone seem frazzled. Zeeza, I feel bad that you lost Casper and envious that your friend offered you a cross country road trip! In the middle of a pandemic ,no less. I hope that you are truly feeling safe. Also, tell your friend that I would love a road trip too. I need a change of scenery.
Anita, drink water! We need to stay hydrated for a reason. I also really love animals a lot. There was this one video I watched on YouTube where this guy helps this stranded tiger get healthy again. His name is Dr. Ross and he’s on the YouTube channel called Animal Planet. And Zeeza, don’t feel pressured about having another pet. You need time to grieve.
P.S. The three of us deserve a vacation after all of this. I already promised other people that we would travel somewhere.February 9, 2021 at 11:49 am #374385
To answer your first question, yes. I do want your help. To answer your second question, I would like your help in being free to tell me your advice on how to handle things. While I have become better at being assertive, I still need guidance from time to time: whether it’s for looking for a job, or matters of the heart.
AiyanaFebruary 8, 2021 at 7:33 am #374305
Please forgive my abrupt absence. I’ve spent the last two weeks and two days attempting to see a therapist again. But the great old, fine, and dandy health care system decided to make a fool out of me. I promise, it wasn’t for out of lack of trying. I’ve made several calls to different therapists, two to a kind woman who has talked to me before. It doesn’t even make sense to me. While I normally pride on being independent and doing your own thing, the one time I need help and no one is able to drop everything to help. Christ on a biscuit.
Other than that, I’ve been leveling up thanks to my friends. So today, my mental health is slightly rocky. I hope yours is doing better than mine. On top of that, I had a wonderful job offer, but it involved working in a correctionals facility, so I had to pass for obvious reasons. And to top that off, (common word for me today: the word top), I still have this reluctance of sharing my personal life to strangers. Sure, you can connect with wonderful people online, but I have this irrational fear that someone will see my comments one day and they’ll go, “Why did you write this and not talk to someone privately?” That’s why I’m grateful for the Internet. I can talk to strangers who won’t judge me for being pazza (that’s Italian for crazy.)
Thank God I have YouTube. At least I don’t have a stalker. One Youtuber I follow online unfortunately had a stalking situation and she hasn’t been posting since. When are people going to learn that you cannot invade someone’s personal boundaries? If they’re not family or your lover or partner, don’t bother them! Anywho, I managed to listen to a podcast called Therapy for Black Girls. Surprisingly, I am subscribed to them but I forgot that I could listen to them anytime! How is everything with you? I read about your friend’s dog. I love dogs so much. I love animals in general, but no one can deny that a dog is man or woman’s best friend.
Please reply back whenever you’re ready.
AiyanaJanuary 27, 2021 at 7:56 am #373565
I don’t have a lot of experience with relationships. I do believe that you should have a sense of your individual likes and dislikes so that you don’t lose yourself when you’re in a relationship.
AiyanaJanuary 22, 2021 at 9:15 am #373262
I just saw your message again regarding Barack Obama. Let it be known that I will be looking up his birth chart right after I finish analyzing Joe Biden’s. I’m assuming that you have likely never heard of astrology, so I will take baby steps with you. Also, if my energy is off, it’s because I was analyzing more birth charts, including Biden’s, writing a blog post about his birth chart, reading about shadow work, reading about the Chiron, which is an asteroid that is the way of showing where our deep rooted pains are, and it is currently in the sign of Aries. I was surprised that Biden had a 12th house stellium, which I explain more about in my blog:
On top of that, I am glad that he worked with Obama for a reason. Obama is very charming in the Trevor Noah interview.
My energy is also a little stagnant tonight because I read about Zeeza dealing with her dog’s debilitating health. Have you ever done shadow work? It’s part of the healing process where you heal wounds that you have never really acknowledged. One of the questions that I have to answer for tonight is “What ways have you felt small and disempowered?”
While I have felt small, I don’t think there has been a time when I felt disempowered. It sounds so extreme. Vulnerable, of course. The closest memory I have of being disempowered was when I was twelve years old and a Puerto Rican girl stole my cute Nokia T-Mobile phone. I knew that day that my mother would be mad at me, I wouldn’t be able to communicate with anyone, and it was the beginning of me self-sabotaging myself, whether it was messing up my hair after my sister worked on it for 5 hours, or making things harder than necessary because I thought I deserved it. Maybe I got that message from the media, or from someone who was used to life being hard. I don’t know. What I do know is that what I told you needs to be written down in my notebook.January 21, 2021 at 4:30 pm #373261
I’m glad that Anita was able to give you the tools you need in order to heal from this devastating loss. I was just reading a comment on YouTube from a Shadow Work healing video about a young woman who is dealing with her mother having cancer. In all honesty, I wasn’t expecting there to be so much sadness. But maybe that’s a good thing given the year that we went through last year. I lost a pet too. It happened a long time ago when I was about seven years old. It was a fish named Angel. She has gorgeous colors. She even looked like that fish on the cover of that book I used to read. She died one spring and I remember feeling devastated. This would be before my paternal grandfather died. Looking back on it now, those experiences really shaped me due to the fact that I learned about the cycle of life and death for the first time.
I also read another message that you are going to therapy. That’s wonderful. I shall go back to therapy as soon as possible. Take care of yourself and let the light and darkness heal within you.January 16, 2021 at 6:11 am #372913
Happy New Year!
I feel refreshed, refined, and ready to take on 2021! You have no idea how many changes I go through. If you don’t mind my asking, when is your birthday? I was born on May 23,1993, so that makes me a Gemini. If you know your birth time, I can do your birth chart. I know you’re from Australia, but I don’t know which city. Life is always changing for people, Anita. That’s why we need change to transform the world.
I mentioned in our last conversation that I was reading Barack Obama’s memoir. To have the strength, support, and patience to be in a position of power is beyond words that I could ever express to our former President. If I ever had an opportunity to interview him, I would love to ask him how he ever got through these insurmountable challenges. I think his innate optimism was a major part of it.
That being said, I think we need to stop seeing each other as one’s enemy. When you get down to it, we’re more similar than we realize. I once looked up a young woman’s birth chart and her houses had the same sign placements as mine. And it’s kind of like what our parents told us when we were kids. We don’t have to like the people we deal with. We can tolerate them.
That’s why there is so much hate. The people out there don’t take the time to learn what the other side is really about.
Stay safe and I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely, AiyanaJanuary 7, 2021 at 3:01 pm #372393
Hi Danny, I hope your life in 2021 gives you wonderful Joy’s. Take care.
-AiyanaDecember 23, 2020 at 12:23 pm #371566
I still feel the intensity of the year around me. Thankfully, no one knows that I sometimes go on Tinybuddha to talk to people. I have to let the Universe write the future for me. I did get A Promised Land from Barack Obama. It was exactly what I wanted for Christmas.
AiyanaDecember 15, 2020 at 3:31 pm #371113
Hey Shelby, I hope you’re feeling better.
I may have never gone through a romantic breakup, but anyone leaving your life can affect you and that’s okay. There’s no rush to have it all figured out right away. Sometimes you have to fix the situation in front of you.
~AiyanaNovember 23, 2020 at 6:34 am #369755
Thank you so much for this wonderful message. As much as I would love to chat with you, I should let you know that I’ve found other like-minded individuals who will support me on the journey. I hope you support me on mine as well. The last week of November is here. I can feel bigger things happening for me. I wish this letter was a bit longer, but that’s all I have to say for now.