Forum Replies Created
February 12, 2021 at 7:13 am #374525
Thank you so much for your reply. It means a lot to me who’s struggling today on chinese new year. As i’m still insecure because the chinese new year pics of my friends’ family keeps appearing on my social media.
So in your opinion i should just chase any girl without thinking of my parents sibling problems? But i will always get insecure because sooner or later i’ll have to tell her, and she must accept that if she choose me, her happy new year will be filled with only my small family (me, my parents and my sister). Do u have any tips on how should i explain to my future girlfriend about my parents sibling problems? I’m really insecure on this matter.
Most chinese girl in my city, im sure they still gather with their parents siblings unlike me… so their gathering are much larger than mine. Actually if my family still gather with my parents sibling, its also a large gathering… but it’s just that my dad and his siblings are not in good terms… so it cant be helped… and i must cope with the 4 of us only for gathering. I really hope that one day.. a girl can accept me with this kind of family.
I literally almost cried typing this, because i keep seeing how other’s family on social media are showing their happy pics.
FelixOctober 8, 2020 at 9:33 pm #367707
Thank you for your reply.
Actually this isnt my priority. It’s just that i feel that i’ve ruined my image with my own actions (in which i can prevent). Like i could choose a different pic, but i choose that one.
I feel like people who dont really know might who could thought that im mature, suddenly changes their mind after seeing that pic.
I keep telling my mind to stop regretting it, but i cant. It keeps blaming me. Everyday i keep looking at that pic, with so much embarrassment. Do u have any tips on how to stop this?September 14, 2020 at 8:25 am #366696
Thank you very much for your reply,
If she does have any feelings for you, I highly doubt they are the same kind of feelings you have for her.
= What do u mean that if she does have feelings, it’s not the same kind of feelings i have for her? Like u mean, she doesnt genuinely like me? Even when she said all those emotional words that she’s also hurt letting me go… im really sure she’s really hurt. I know her. I’m not misjudging (maybe you may thought that i’m obsessing with her and i ended misjudging, but she really does feel hurt for this)
This is my plan for my future regarding this condition:
My plan right now is to find another girl for me(while still hoping for her also, only hoping but not texting her often) if it goes well and i find a good one in the next 5 years.. i’m sure i’ll forget about her. But if i cant find one, i’ll try contacting her again (if she’s still single).
What do u think of my plan?September 14, 2020 at 8:13 am #366693
Thank you very much for you reply,
From what you said that she’s waiting for me to stop liking her now
= yes that’s true she doesnt want me to wait for her because she wants to focus on her studies and her future job… she said to me that i would be a waste of time for me to wait for her, and it’ll be a burden to her
She then said that she feels so hurt saying this, and she actually wants to be with me but she’s unsure of her future. And she cant do a long distance relationship, that’s why she ask me to be her friend only and dont frequently contact her again. So that both of us wont get hurt if we keep contacting each other but ended into a broke up in the future.
Yes i know 21 and 17 is not the right age for us, that’s why i’ve told her that i would wait… till she’s 20 and im ready for her, but we need to keep contacting each other… but she said dont wait.
Then when i asked, what if in the future i come for you again, she said she cant answer it as she cant predict the future
And i asked her if your feelings for me right now are real, do u have it easy letting me go like this? She said she wont answer it.
Then i asked, should i chase another girl now? She said she wont answer it.
Then she wishes me to take care of myself, and we should stay friends but not as close as usual. Like only a normal friend.
So after this explanation, do u still have the same opinion? (From your above opinion)
And why are you sure with this words that u said “you will look back on this in the future and realize you were upset about nothing, i promise”
My plan right now is to find another girl for me(while still hoping for her also, only hoping but not texting her often) if it goes well and i find a good one in the next 5 years.. i’m sure i’ll forget about her. But if i cant find one, i’ll try contacting her again (if she’s still single).September 10, 2020 at 10:03 am #366503
Dear rose of yellow
Thank you for your reply,
“She is telling you with honesty that she is not interested in you“ = she just confessed to me that time that she has feelings for me, i even asked her twice.
She has feelings for me now but not more than that… isnt this mutual for us? She cant be in a relationship now because her parents forbid, and also she’s not sure of her future as she could be move to that city (of her uni) if she finds a good job there but she isnt sure too…
She also told this when confessing her feelings for me, that she dreamt of me, when she listen to sad music it reminds her of me, she also keep pictures of me that she took by screenshot on my instagram story… if she didnt confess like this i’d have it easier… but she said this… and it’s like giving me hope…. as i never had a girl who has feelings for me before and i always thought that she is worth it that’s why i want to wait for her…
When i ask when u are ready later on, and i suddenly come to you again… will you accept me or reject… she cant answer it and she said i shouldnt try to guess her feelings in the future… like if she wanted me to forget about her she could’ve said she’ll reject right?
And also when i asked her “if u have feelings for me, dont you feel sad for saying this?”…. she wont answer
This is what gives me hope and i dont know if its a false hope or not, and she said we are only friends now. She said we can still contact each other but not daily texts.
Honestly i wanna wait for her in the future, but i keep getting afraid of her meeting and getting to know new people in uni…. as i cant stop that from happening.
August 23, 2020 at 9:39 pm #365387
- This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by Felix.
Thanks for your reply.
It’s actually not only due to their judgment, as i also feel confident and comfortable if i can fake my height when barefoot, into the height of me wearing shoes.
So is it really impossible to fake height barefoot?
Or do u think it’s alright for me to let people see i have different height when im wearing shoes and barefoot?
FelixJuly 30, 2020 at 11:59 am #363242
I apologize if i still show obsessions regarding height and girlfriend.
What i mean is that once i get a girl, do u think if i still regarded as a child might affect her too? Like getting underestimated too.
I’m really not sure how to act independently in front of other people/new people. As my parents keep doing everything for me.
July 30, 2020 at 11:51 am #363240
- This reply was modified 7 months ago by Felix.
I try being myself, but if im being myself it’s going to be an inconsiderate and ignorant person. I dont think i’ll have a good image that way, but sometimes i feel to awkward to do something that independent person does, like you said above (cleaning long table after gathering).
Do you think if i keep being regarded as a child, it’ll affect my chances on a girl. Or if i already got a girl, she’ll be underestimated too in your opinion?July 30, 2020 at 11:38 am #363238
Today i just have a gathering among neighbors, and we all sit in the same table (long table). My seat is near neighbors around my age, and i dont really have a topic to talk about with them.. so i just played with my phone till the gathering ends.. During the gathering i said that the chili sauce are spicy and i just take a little to eat with the french fries and the neighbors around my age laugh… idk if its underestimating me or just laugh only… because i always stay silent around them (due to me dont know what to talk about). I really dont want them to underestimate me, as i’m already 21 now… and they are a few years older than me… i feel like if im underestimated now how will my wife’s image later on… it will be underestimated too… i really wanna talk, but i just dont know what to talk about and i dont wanna say wrong words which will destroy my image.
I really want to have new friends/connections, but i cant even talk at neighbors gathering… i feel such a low person due to this..
Even one of the neighbors who first met me, and how he acts around me now.. is so different… like now he sees me like a child…
I always try to act like an adult with new people, but it’s just that they’ll end up seeing me as a child… like they saw my weaknesses. As i look like a person who’s not independent.July 29, 2020 at 8:52 am #363117
I cant live away from my parents, only maybe living in a different house when i get married later on.
Right now my fear of being single approaches me again. I fear that i’ll stay single forever, i feel so down. To get a new person (for future girlfriend potential) i need to befriend them first, its just that my closest friends cant seem to offer me anyone new.. because they have few friends too and i have known their friends’.
And right now is in quarantine state, and for safety reasons my parents told me to stay at home everyday (in which i wanted also because its safer), but i keep getting thoughts that when will i get a girlfriend. I’m still 21 now, but i dont want to stay calm because i dont want to regret later on…
And also i still have this problem regarding my height, so everytime i go out i always use thick sandals/shoes to increase my height a bit. But i still feel insecure if i have to go to someone house or a place where i have to take off sandals/shoes. Well if the place have a low ceilings (like in apartment).. i still can fake my height… but if the ceilings are big i cant. How do i fake my height then… im so confused, like i wanna fake 2cm of my height.July 26, 2020 at 11:11 am #362775
I’ll try practicing it.
As for the second problem i mentioned above. Do you have solutions for it?July 26, 2020 at 10:01 am #362771
I also have a problem, in which im always a passive person because my mother tend to always do things for me.
So today we have a barbeque with our neighbors and one of the neighbours (which is mother friend) said to me, go try frying the food.. if you never try you never know.. (she is basically trying to tell to me to learn something and not to be passive, trying to be helpful)… but im a sensitive person and i hate it when she said that in front of some people. I can fry the food though, its just that i never take the initiative to help or do something. And i hate it that my mother always babbling about me with my characteristics that im passive which lead to those words.
This is also due to my dad, he’s also a passive person and in the barbeque he only talks to specific person, and never initiated to talk with a person who he doesnt know very well. I blame him for this… as he also doesnt initiate to help in the preparing the barbeque.
I feel like i wanna go abroad again and study and not be here. I’m not happy like this… it’s not like they need me to help with the business right away.July 26, 2020 at 9:41 am #362770
I’ll keep both advices above in mind.
I recently just realized that i have a weak communication skills with someone that i just get to know. I dont know how to talk to them, except if the person is so sociable to anyone then i can talk.. because that person will start a conversation with me.
If the person is not too sociable, i really dont know what to talk with him/her because i dont know what topic to talk, and to a person like that i’ll have difficulty to look them in the eye… i’m worried that the person might thought im arrogant.. in which im not. I just dont know what to talk about and im too shy to look in the eye. If i keep having this problem i’ll eventually have a hard time communicating for on new friends too. I usually have it easier when both of us have the same purpose then we can talk about it. But if it’s with a person that i know nothing about.. i cant… especially if its a girl. As i cant talk about her appearance right.July 25, 2020 at 9:14 am #362699
I usually compare myself to “some” of my friends that i choose, because when i do this i’ll push myself forward, but sometimes i ended pressuring myself and i have a headache because of it.
Also lately i keep having the previous thoughts again when i promote the house for sale (i mentioned on previous threads), like i keep regretting my action… i keep thinking that it would have been better if i dont post it, and i’ll have a peaceful mind right now…. i keep regretting it.. as i cant undo those people who have seen my post..July 23, 2020 at 12:30 pm #362481
Yes i think my parents also wanted me to learn from them. Actually im quite okay with this, it’s just that when i saw my friends having their own business on social media. I keep comparing myself, like they get their own income, instead im just here helping my parents employees. Like i want a feeling of their approval on seeing me as im doing my own things (work).
Do you think i’ve been pressuring myself too much on this?
I’ve always been comparing myself to my friends, because this is how i keep pushing forward all this time, but at the same time i also ended feeling so much anxiety because of this