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Felix

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 66 total)
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  • #363242
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I apologize if i still show obsessions regarding height and girlfriend.

    But,
    What i mean is that once i get a girl, do u think if i still regarded as a child might affect her too? Like getting underestimated too.

    I’m really not sure how to act independently in front of other people/new people. As my parents keep doing everything for me.

    • This reply was modified 5 days, 9 hours ago by Felix.
    #363240
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I try being myself, but if im being myself it’s going to be an inconsiderate and ignorant person. I dont think i’ll have a good image that way, but sometimes i feel to awkward to do something that independent person does, like you said above (cleaning long table after gathering).
    Do you think if i keep being regarded as a child, it’ll affect my chances on a girl. Or if i already got a girl, she’ll be underestimated too in your opinion?

    #363238
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Today i just have a gathering among neighbors, and we all sit in the same table (long table). My seat is near neighbors around my age, and i dont really have a topic to talk about with them.. so i just played with my phone till the gathering ends.. During the gathering i said that the chili sauce are spicy and i just take a little to eat with the french fries and the neighbors around my age laugh… idk if its underestimating me or just laugh only… because i always stay silent around them (due to me dont know what to talk about). I really dont want them to underestimate me, as i’m already 21 now… and they are a few years older than me… i feel like if im underestimated now how will my wife’s image later on… it will be underestimated too… i really wanna talk, but i just dont know what to talk about and i dont wanna say wrong words which will destroy my image.
    I really want to have new friends/connections, but i cant even talk at neighbors gathering… i feel such a low person due to this..

    Even one of the neighbors who first met me, and how he acts around me now.. is so different… like now he sees me like a child…

    I always try to act like an adult with new people, but it’s just that they’ll end up seeing me as a child… like they saw my weaknesses. As i look like a person who’s not independent.

    #363117
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I cant live away from my parents, only maybe living in a different house when i get married later on.

    Right now my fear of being single approaches me again. I fear that i’ll stay single forever, i feel so down. To get a new person (for future girlfriend potential) i need to befriend them first, its just that my closest friends cant seem to offer me anyone new.. because they have few friends too and i have known their friends’.
    And right now is in quarantine state, and for safety reasons my parents told me to stay at home everyday (in which i wanted also because its safer), but i keep getting thoughts that when will i get a girlfriend. I’m still 21 now, but i dont want to stay calm because i dont want to regret later on…

    And also i still have this problem regarding my height, so everytime i go out i always use thick sandals/shoes to increase my height a bit. But i still feel insecure if i have to go to someone house or a place where i have to take off sandals/shoes. Well if the place have a low ceilings (like in apartment).. i still can fake my height… but if the ceilings are big i cant. How do i fake my height then… im so confused, like i wanna fake 2cm of my height.

    #362775
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I’ll try practicing it.

    As for the second problem i mentioned above. Do you have solutions for it?

    #362771
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I also have a problem, in which im always a passive person because my mother tend to always do things for me.

    So today we have a barbeque with our neighbors and one of the neighbours (which is mother friend) said to me, go try frying the food.. if you never try you never know.. (she is basically trying to tell to me to learn something and not to be passive, trying to be helpful)… but im a sensitive person and i hate it when she said that in front of some people. I can fry the food though, its just that i never take the initiative to help or do something. And i hate it that my mother always babbling about me with my characteristics that im passive which lead to those words.

    This is also due to my dad, he’s also a passive person and in the barbeque he only talks to specific person, and never initiated to talk with a person who he doesnt know very well. I blame him for this… as he also doesnt initiate to help in the preparing the barbeque.
    I feel like i wanna go abroad again and study and not be here. I’m not happy like this… it’s not like they need me to help with the business right away.

    #362770
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I’ll keep both advices above in mind.

    I recently just realized that i have a weak communication skills with someone that i just get to know. I dont know how to talk to them, except if the person is so sociable to anyone then i can talk.. because that person will start a conversation with me.

    If the person is not too sociable, i really dont know what to talk with him/her because i dont know what topic to talk, and to a person like that i’ll have difficulty to look them in the eye… i’m worried that the person might thought im arrogant.. in which im not. I just dont know what to talk about and im too shy to look in the eye. If i keep having this problem i’ll eventually have a hard time communicating for on new friends too. I usually have it easier when both of us have the same purpose then we can talk about it. But if it’s with a person that i know nothing about.. i cant… especially if its a girl. As i cant talk about her appearance right.

    #362699
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I usually compare myself to “some” of my friends that i choose, because when i do this i’ll push myself forward, but sometimes i ended pressuring myself and i have a headache because of it.

    Also lately i keep having the previous thoughts again when i promote the house for sale (i mentioned on previous threads), like i keep regretting my action… i keep thinking that it would have been better if i dont post it, and i’ll have a peaceful mind right now…. i keep regretting it.. as i cant undo those people who have seen my post..

    #362481
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Yes i think my parents also wanted me to learn from them. Actually im quite okay with this, it’s just that when i saw my friends having their own business on social media. I keep comparing myself, like they get their own income, instead im just here helping my parents employees. Like i want a feeling of their approval on seeing me as im doing my own things (work).

    Do you think i’ve been pressuring myself too much on this?
    I’ve always been comparing myself to my friends, because this is how i keep pushing forward all this time, but at the same time i also ended feeling so much anxiety because of this

    #362474
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I’ll try to listen the meditation you recommend.

    So here i am with another problem, in which im so confused on what should i do now. My parents wanted me to continue helping their business when i graduate, and here i am… and they never gave me a proper position for me to work. Because all of the position has already been occupied by my parents employee.. and they are in the highest hierarchy on their business. So they just gave me a job which is helping the employees.. i dont feel like doing a job when i do that..

    I always feel pathetic whenever i saw my friends posting that they are doing their own business(work). I feel so bad that i’m only helping my parents employees.. my role is not really necessary, like if im absent.. the employee could do the job because basically im just helping the employee on what they need to be helped with (i hope this doesnt sound confusing).
    I know that if i feel bad/jealous seeing my friends start their own business.. i should start one but i cant because i dont feel i can and im also supposed to help my parents business.. my parents never pushed me to overwork.. because they know that their business will eventually be mine and they just gave me that easy work so i have something to work(job) everyday.. but i always feel bad if i saw my friends posting their own business on social media.

    #362346
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    On daily basis i can distract myself by doing activities so i wont think of this agent problem again. But it’s just that every morning when i woke up i instantly get this thoughts again. Like every morning all my anxiety/problems will always consume my head. Idk why, i’ve been like this every morning.. like every time i woke up my mind just immediately think about my problems. Except when i dont have any problems in my head, then it wont appear

    I really need to solve this, because if i dont i could be crazy by getting this headache every morning

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by Felix.
    #362142
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I’m trying to focus on my goals here, but it’s just that i regretted posting the promoting house advertising. I feel like i need to know what those 200 people thoughts when they see my post, i did this predicting of people thoughts whenever i post anything… to make me feel better. As one of my reasons of posting something is to show to people.

    But on that housing promotion post, i still cant stop my regret as there are one of those people who thought im an agent. I keep stressing on how the others might think of me.
    As i believe if keep getting negative thoughts by other people, i might have a bad reputation. This is what im avoiding.

    #362064
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Thanks for your advice, recently i’m feeling a bit better regarding my height (i hope it keeps getting better in the future)

    Recently i’ve posted a post of a pic indicating that i’m promoting a house for sale (like a marketing advertising of property to help my father sell houses, because it’s his business). But one of my friend commented that he thought that im now working as a property agent, in which im not as im working with my dad to sell houses and i’ve explained to her.

    But i saw that there are 200 people that have seen my post and i’m afraid most of them will thought that i’m a real property agent/marketing for advertising like that.
    What i’m afraid is that i used to always wear branded outfits, and if they thought that i’m a property agent they might thought the outfit im wearing is fake.
    Am i thinking too much regarding this posts? I have difficulty sleeping thinking about this, after one of my friend commented like that. As my intention of posting that is to help my father, and also to show that this is my family business.

    #360106
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Due to what i observe that girls prefer boys who are taller, i develop a hatred towards any girls who posted anything in which saying/ stating that they prefer boys who are taller than them… i feel like when they state that they could affect shorter boys confidence (like me) like we cant do anything about it.. and when we want to have the same height or maybe even some want taller girls.. i really hate that kind of girl, as i feel they look down on someone like me.

    And i also agree when you said that there are other criteria that would benefit men… i tried but i just seem to cant improve my personality, i still cant initiate a conversation to someone that i just barely know or new stranger that i just make friends with.

    Even with this insecurity, till now i still havent met someone new… i cant even develop feelings to anyone. And in my town using dating apps is useless as nobody uses it here. I’m also afraid to go to large places that i have to go barefoot (Like swimming pool). Because i have to go barefoot and im so insecure of it… in which every where i go i wear shoes that make me about 2-3cm taller and i feel really calm and happy when i wear it. I keep thinking of ways where i can have this 2-3cm if i really need to go to one of my friends house.. where i have to go barefoot.

     

    #360045
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    He likes to brag because he’s financially able to do that, and it also helps in improving his confidence… therefore he suggest me that to improve my confidence.

    And btw regarding height, i saw most of girls that i know posted a video of their boys criteria, in which it’s more taller than them. Whereas i’m the same height with most of them… i used to start feeling okay with my height which is mostly same with majority of girls… but when they posted that my insecurity came back… and i feel so bad about it. What should i do? It feels like my options are limited

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Felix.
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