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Felix

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  • #357355
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Yes i think that’s the main problem that connects each of my issues which is me always feeling inferior to others… therefore it leads me to try to show off to erase it. This inferiority feeling also causes me to unable to communicate properly with strangers, due to me afraid of their judgements and lead me to freeze in the middle of the conversation.

    Honestly my inferiority still exists, its just that now i can control it better than before. I hope i can control it better and better throughout time, especially the height part as it’s irreversible.

    But is there any ways for me to forget the shame that i feel (the one i wrote previously)… because i cant predict what the people that i showed off before are thinking right now. Like i cant explain to them one by one about this.. as it’s my personal matter.

    #357290
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Yes it’s an excellent development for me and also thank you for appreciating and giving solutions previously.

    Regarding the showing off in the past, i still can’t get over with…. like i used to brag that my father has his own housing complex in which the house will be sold to the people (as he’s a contractor/developer)… when i brag about this, my friends doesn’t seem to care about my bragging… i did this to cover my embarrassment of the aquarium business that time. But when they look like they doesn’t seem to care, i feel like getting slapped in the face, like i feel disgusted by myself why should i brag when people don’t really care.

    Every day i have this thoughts that i keep blaming myself…. as my duty is to continue my parents business and i still can’t do anything… but i have already brag about the wealth as i always thought people would have more respect on me if they know my wealth. I feel embarrassed now and keep blaming myself…. like i even shout my anger to myself.

    I really can’t handle embarrassment.

    • This reply was modified 2 days, 9 hours ago by Felix.
    #357174
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I apologize for being unclear. No i didnt agree with what he said haha, i agree with my parents because i know they do it for my own good… but because i feel bored in this town i “sometimes” could think of that words that my friend said like i could think/imagine me being in another place where i can explore.. but i know in the end i’ll still follow my parents…

    Also in my previous threat i used to talk on how much im so embarrassed with my dad’s aquarium business. So due to that i used to show off to my friends on how wealthy i am by wearing expensive outfits and also bragging on my parents wealthiness to avoid being embarrassed. But after i start to accept my father’s business i feel like blaming myself for showing off.. like why should i do that… now i realize that people might think im arrogant and like a spoiled brat who splashes money… i really really regret it like idk what to do.. like people already see me like that… i keep blaming myself for that in the past few days on this matter.

     

    • This reply was modified 4 days, 1 hour ago by Felix.
    #357128
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Suddenly i have a change of mind, that makes me feel lucky that i have it easy here.. but i dont know if this mindset will change again.

    Recently im starting to realize that i think i’ve been pressuring myself too much (since the first time i posted here)… whereas now i can start appreciate daily life more. I think it’s because one of my close friends used to tell me that you should enjoy each day to the fullest, but right now i think its not true… it causes me to not appreciate small things. And he’s also the one who keep telling me that at my age now (21) i should explore life more, but if i tell my parents that, i think they’d be mad for saying that i should be grateful that i can go back here without having any need to find a job elsewhere. Do u think what i said here is true?

    #356796
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I think the second post i wrote above is a separate matter than the swallowing problem?

    #356788
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear Ravi,

    1. Your fear of rejection, your insecurities about being short and doubts about your family – This girl is not going to fix you (or for you)

    2. Even if she goes ahead and marries you there is no guarantee that you will be peaceful and in acceptance with yourself. And only if YOU are happy and joyful you will be able to extend that happiness towards her and towards your married life and then in the outside world.

    = Both of these words from you have swift a bit of my mindset, right now i’m trying to accept it… it’s really hard. When i find someone grow taller than me (kids so much younger than me) i still feel pain but i guess now i can accept that pain by trying to think something else. But if someone describe myself as “short” i still can’t accept it, i’ll end up feeling anxiety even though what they say that i’m short is true.

     

    As for the girl, i still haven’t texted/replied her insta stories, when i can start to text her i’ll always end up delaying in by saying “maybe another day”… like i’m feeling lazy to text her as it’ll used up my mind thinking her… but i also feel that i might regret it.

    And also i have a new insecurities, i feel envy for that girl who studies abroad (she is in japan now), i’ve always liked japan and i envy that she can go uni there whereas i study in abroad which is only 1 hour from my country that my parents make sure that i go back to my hometown to continue their business and here i am in the hometown right now.. what i envy is that as she’s a girl she can have her own path of life. idk why im feeling like this, some of my friends said that i should be grateful that my parents have a business and i can do my job easily (relax) here… it’s just that i feel so bored in this town (like really bored as it’s a small town), like i feel sad i end up here again and i dont make many friends here, like i really wanna explore more… but i know as i’m a lazy person i’ll end up going back here as it’s the best scenario for me. But again i still feel bored here.

    I also feel bored here that i still can’t find a girl for me here in this town, is this a sign of immaturity?

    i also feel that i might have no chance for her… as she have studied japanese language since she’s in highschool and right now she’s in uni… when she does this i have a feeling that she wants to have a life and family there (if not why would she study the language and have uni there). And after studying so hard there, why would she wanna go back to her hometown isn’t it?

     

     

    #356786
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    When i approach her later on, i hope i can find out the answer from her.

    #356782
    Felix
    Participant

    I also feel that i’m unlucky because i have to continue their business and go back to this hometown after finishing my uni abroad. Sometimes i envy people who find their own job after uni that they can try their own life… idk why im feeling like this, some of my friends said that i should be grateful that my parents have a business and i can do my job easily (relax) here… it’s just that i feel so bored in this town, like i feel sad i end up here again and i dont make many friends here, like i really wanna explore more… but i know as i’m a lazy person i’ll end up going back here as it’s the best scenario for me. But again i still feel bored here.

    I also feel bored here that i still can’t find a girl for me here….

    Is this me being selfish or that i’m still not matured yet?

    #356776
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    My swallowing disorder doesnt make me eat less, i can still eat a lot regularly by using water on each swallowing process. I just dont know why i have a weak stamina.

    Regarding the gardening, i still dont wanna try it idk why. I dont feel any enthusiasm in doing it.

    #355506
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I have read your post and understand your advice and I deeply apologize if i should have reply instead of starting a new thread as i thought it’s about a new different topic so i create it.

    <Below i copy several sentences from the thread i just created>

    So lately i’ve been trying to accept to continue their business but i’m still confused and don’t know what my parents are trying to make me work… because when i ask what should i do.. they’ll just give me a small work that requires no responsibility and is easy. Therefore this leads me to be in my room more especially when right now is lockdown so they told me not to come out (only my dad goes to work). Because i keep being in my room, my dad is always mad at me.. he said that i’m very lazy… because everytime he ask me to do his hobbies/activities when he has finished work like jogging, and taking a look at his garden.. i always refuse because i have no interest in that. I also dont wanna do that activities because i hardly talk to my dad, i’m not close to him and also he’s an introverted guy and has few friends. My dad always told me to go workout instead of being in my room… but i just dont like working out as i have a weak stamina. I never really like sports. Actually i’m pretty bored myself if i keep watching in my room everyday, but it’s just that im too lazy to do any stuffs.

    As for my work, i still don’t know what will i do later on, because my dad always look as me as a person who’s passive and only can wait for someone to do it for me. I’m really worried on this because i dont want my future girlfriend to look at me as a worthless person who can’t do work, but it’s just that im confused on what to do. And also i have no choice but to continue in my father’s footsteps. Sometimes i think that i should have just try finding a job abroad (in the country where my uni is) even though if the salary is very low so that people (my future girlfriend) could look at me as a person with a job… but even if i work there, i’ll still end up going back to my hometown…. Right now i really hate being in my hometown, i didn’t meet new people at all… and i thought if i find a job abroad maybe i can find new people that maybe one of them could end up be in a relationship with me, but i’ll have to keep saving money only to pay the rent there, so it’s actually not worth it.

    I really wanted to have a partner (girl) to talk to, to cuddle to, to hug… i always imagine this mostly before i’m sleeping but i dont even know how my life will become with this confusing path and also i haven’t met new people (also my parents have very little friends, and they hardly introduce any new people to me). I also always wanted to have a family on my own, but with continuing my parents business i know i’ll always get attached to them even though i prefer to have my own privacy.

    I’m really going through a healing period for myself, but it’s just that my lazy behavior… do i really need to change it? and try to do activities that most people do like my dad (jogging, gardening) or do i keep just being myself to only watch movies? Am i being ungrateful by being lazy like this?

    #354230
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    The nature of the business is that my dad is a private aquarium owner and we take fish from supplier abroad… and we sell it here to consumers and also we sell it to smaller private aquarium shops in my town who don’t have a supplier.

    The part of the business that i’m embarrassed about is that the floor of the shop is always wet and smelly due to fish scent… and also most people here regards fish (aquarium fish) as like a low standard type of business… and idk why people here few of them like to joke about fish, like their faces and etc… and also joke about the process of taking care of aquarium fish, like my father’s employees usually put their hands inside the aquarium (not only i think people see this as a joke, but also maybe a bit disgusting). Then due to this, it also affects on my embarrassment on girls, they could think like i mentioned above…
    Most of my friends parents job is like a normal type of job, like office jobs.. even if they own a business it’ll be like building materials shops, bulb shops, electronic shops, money changer… so it’s not disgusting and smelly…

    #352236
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Yes i understand your theory in “You don’t have a girlfriend before you courageously reach out to her; you don’t have a girlfriend after you reach out to her- nothing has changed. Nothing changed except for you exercising courage.”, i’ll keep that in mind.

    Regarding the family issue that i mentioned before, do u think it’ll be an obstacle for me?… especially if i’m chasing a girl (with a family with a better relationship/bigger family and in harmony condition).

    #352122
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    How you answer my questions, sums up all of it correctly.. and i’m thankful that someone understands my situation.

    Regarding the 2 options u said, i always knew that no. 2 is always what i wanted… it’s just that i never had the courage to do so… but i’ll try and i hope i can really have that courage and not just imagining the courage in my head only.

    And also there’s another issue that is still in my head, it’s regarding my family.. when i saw that girl’s facebook… i saw that every year her family is gathering to celebrate her great grandfather birthday.. and i saw lots of family members and i guess that means she has a big family. When i saw that picture, i feel troubled also because my family that’s in good relationship is basically only 4 of us (my mom, dad and my sister) basically only my small family. My dad’s siblings is not on good terms with us and my mother is an only child. I’m afraid that this could be an issue also that she could reject me due to my family relationships.

    Do u think i think too much before starting an action on her? Or is this really an issue?

    My cautions mind keeps thinking of any part that i should fix to have a better chance.

    #352048
    Felix
    Participant

    And also whenever i dont think about relationship stuffs, i feel happier and i can do any activities without feeling pressured. Should i think this way? But i dont wanna stay single forever.

    #352042
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Thanks for the advice i’ll keep that in mind.

    And there’s another problem that i can’t take my mind off, is that she’s the same height as me… i’m really attracted to her now and i wanna approach her but this issue keep stoping me to make a move. I’m thinking of a lot of stuffs, as maybe she could dislike that she must adjust her heels if wanna be with same height, her parents might tell her why she get herself a short boy, etc —> do u think i shouldn’t think this way?

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 48 total)