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Felix

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  • #383425
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    I’d also like to share about my city, especially about one of the reasons why i always said that i find it hard to find girls i’m interested in here.

    So my city is a small city… like an island itself…. and my city isnt the capital in our country. You could say most highschool students in my city are most likely to take one of these 3 paths: uni in our city, uni in the country nearby (a city 45 mins by boat, like the girl i use to tell about), uni in the capital.

    Unfortunately you could say that the “attractive” girls usually take the path of ‘uni in the country nearby or uni in the capital’….. and most of them plan to work in those cities.

    Whereas me, as a fresh graduate i have to continue my family business and i have to stay in this city….

    All girls under my age are all still in uni, even the one a year below me. As my country’s covid cases is rising now, most uni students are studying online… so all of those uni students are still in our city…

    Idk when will they attend their uni offline… i guess it’s till the covid cases in my country decreases a lot, and i’m not sure when it’ll be.

    So my hope is that those “attractive” girls will stay/work in our city after graduating uni (like they didnt get a job on those cities/prefer not to work there), but i cant predict them 😂. I knew this because i’ve checked most girls instagram to know what uni they attend, because i usually get to know girls from instagram.

    Girls below my age by a year will graduate next year, below my age by two years will graduate in the next 2 years and so on…

    I think this is the drawbacks of living in a small city in an island itself…

    Is this me overanalyzing? 😂

    #383413
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

    I’m still on progress on creating a positive image for myself and also for the exercise.

     

     

    There is something i’m curious about… yesterday before i sleep i have thoughts of.. what if i made a different decision in the past…

    Like what if i stopped chatting with that girl in my uni days… could i have a better uni life? Or maybe my current obsession of her might perished right now if i took that decision in the past? It’s not that im regretting what i did in the past (or maybe a little)…. do u think everything that happens now is already fated this way?

     

     

    Also there’s something i wanna ask,

    Why do some people said being a teen is better than being an adult?

    Tbh i dont really like my teen days….

    In my highschool days, most students are all busy comparing “who has the most friends”, “who’s more popular”, “who has the most crush”, “are u invited in this group of people”….. i dont like that period of my life, it forces me to adapt and be likeable so that i can be like them.

    Then in my uni days, those period of “friends” still exists but not too much…. like they still focus on having lots of friends but are also focused on their path after uni… like people started to become individualistic.

    Then after graduating and entering the working period, people started to leave the “group of friends” and become more individualistic… i really like it this way…. like it wont force me to adapt and care about other people….

    Like as an adult when we have less friends, it’s labelled as “normal”. Although yes, there’s more struggles in life when we become adult.

    I cant wait till i reach the moment when i have my own family…. and what i only care is “the group of people i love most”, and it’s normal to have few friends, and i what i do everyday (working) is only for the group of people i love.

    It’s because that i dont really like making friends, and most people at my age are all still trying to make friends with lots of people… i wanna pass this period as soon as possible…

    Do u think it’s weird for me to think this way?

    #383369
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur advices.

    As you have mentioned those 3 advices, and after reading it i agree with you… that those tips might help me change the way i’m thinking of myself… into a more positive way.

    I think i’ll start with creating a positive image and trying physical exercise in my housing complex that i mentioned before.

    And do u think i’ve had this hobby of laying lazy in my room due to my parents keep relieving me from duties?

     

    I also believed that my self confidence issue isnt only caused my parents, but also rather due to the opinion of most girls in my highschool days… like their “criteria” on boys (which is taller than them, etc)… i always keep their opinion in mind…  I’m also answering this question below that you asked me a few months ago.

    Should i not think too much of this issue, as it applies the same as most of the issue on the previous threads regarding my insecurity?

    • “It also seems you feel injustice about the whole situation – so were there any instances where you were judged unfairly, while someone else in your family, perhaps a sibling, had it much easier without really deserving it?
    • I am asking you this because this kind of self-rejection could be caused by a childhood wound, and if so, it’s crucial that you become aware of that wound…“
    • This reply was modified 1 day, 22 hours ago by Felix.
    #383365
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    So the other parts besides the “embarrassment part” on the previous threads isnt relevant?

    Like on how that girl lives as a female in our city tradition, i think that if i find answers from that… i can ease my mind.

    As sometimes i can contain my mental chatter also by brainstorming….. like how i did before regarding the “embarrassment on instagram”

    #383364
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply,

    Yes, till now i’m still trying to contain my mental chatter as i’ve live with it for a long time….. and as you said i’m very dependent on other people’s opinion…

    I think i do that so that i can fulfil society standards….

    As you know i’m insecure with my height as it doesnt reach the standards on an average guy… Like i wanna show to people that i’m not left behind… i can get myself a pretty girl…. i think this is the reason why i keep chasing her (as she’s pretty imo) and i have that low self-esteem in which i’m trying to convince myself to improve.

    I also thought to fulfil society standards, people must view me as having “lots of friends”…. but after graduating uni (most of my friends in uni are from different cities and most of them go back to their hometown) i feel like most of my friends right now are busy with themselves (busy with life, relationship, work)… i still cant adapt to this…. is this adulthood? As someone who’s more experienced than me im sure you understand this situation?

    Few years back when i started uni i also feel a bit different and i have difficulties in adapting…. like most of my friends on highschool are childish and fun…. but in uni i cant see those personalities anymore…. like the way people talk are more calm and serious….

    I think the only way to slowly get rid of the mental chatter is to “stop caring of others opinion”…..  i hope if i use this mindset it wont affect me to be lazy…. because sometimes i feel the mental chatter motivates me…. like how it shows me to live with society standards by having many friends….. maybe without it i wont have as many friends as i have now.

    If i become my true self…. i’ll be a person who doesnt speak to anyone…. like i’m a person who prefers in my room alone without anyone as i’m an introvert… but i know i cant do that… that’s why i taught myself to follow society standards. I know some people have it easy with life… and i never consider myself to fall into that category.

    Also i’m not a likeable person as i’m not fun to talk with….. i cant find anything of myself that someone could like…. i even barely smile…. i think i inherit this personality from my dad, it’s not about my self-esteem but i really think of myself that way….. I really enjoy alone (alone equals to no drama)…. and having bond with people will mostly only cause disappointment… Even my closest friend, i really hope that they can understand me fully….. but they cant… Does this world really works this way? Then why do people wanna be sociable if no one can understand ourselves fully?

    #383297
    Felix
    Participant

    *continuing from the previous thread above* (the embarrassment part)

    I’m can stop thinking on my regret that i told her everything (i cried, prayed for her)… i cant believe i’m so honest to her.. she’s a person who doesnt forgets easily, she can even remember what i said to her 5 years ago.. in which i’ve forgotten about it… i thought that time if i said this it could keep her from forgetting about me….I didnt think twice at that time, like in the future when she finally got herself a boyfriend (if it’s not me).. she might discuss about this (which is her past).

    Right now i’m trying to stop my internal saboteur from making this issue a new obsession to worry about.

    #383295
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply and giving advices.

     

    • “She probably isn’t, that’s why she decided not to pursue a relationship with you. The person who initiates the break is never as nearly as sad as the one left behind. That’s the nature of breakups… I guess her feelings for you were less than yours for her, otherwise her parents couldn’t influence her so much. Because you said they didn’t really forbid her to date you, but only advised against it. But she readily accepted their advice, and even told you she doesn’t want a long-distance relationship, with your visiting her from time to time. If she cared about you enough and didn’t want to lose you, she would have been open for a LDR, to be able to get you know you better, face to face.”
    • “I think that you should accept the fact that she’s just not that into you, even if she’s told you differently. Her actions and her attitude (rejecting a LDR) speak more than her words…”

     

    = When i read that you also feel the same that she probably isn’t as sad as me, and also that she’s not that into me….. just indirectly slapped me and suddenly i realized…. what have i done all the past few years…. i wasted my several years thinking of her everyday….

    I even regret that i said to her i cried after she said that she decides to go back to her previous decision, in which both of us are only “acquaintances/casual friend”…. like why did i say that??? It’s so embarrassing…… I also tell her that i used to pray so that both of us can be together…… Right now i feel cringe when i remember i said that…. Like it just showed how much i’m a fan of her…..

    I hope she wont tease me that i’m so obsessed with her if she tells about this situation to her close friends/her parents, as her parents viewed our relationship as “puppy love”….. Do u think she might tease me?

    But tbh few years back you could say i’m really obsessed with her, although right now i’m still in that state but less obsessed after reading some of ur advices…. i hope the obsession will fade away through time. Few years back, when she posted a pic…. like even an “unattractive pic” of her….. i’d be drawn by her beauty idk why…… It’s like i saw her as a “perfect” person, i still cant believe i think of her that way.

    Before she decides to leave me, she told me that she views relationship as something significant and not to play with…. that’s why she keeps saying that she wants a relationship only when she’s working, when she’s ready. She said that relationship between teenagers, dates are only the fun part…. wait till u get married… it’ll mostly be struggles and responsibility. I think it’s also due to she has an aunt who has a bad marriage… sometimes she also tell me that her parents could argue with each other….

    I used to obsessed with her till at the point that i wished i was her (i used to mention this in the previous threads)… i also feel that being a girl is nicer than being boys. But when she said all that, i realized that her life wasnt as happy as i thought it’ll be…. because what i viewed is that she’s a pretty girl who could attract many boys.

    Also the tradition in our culture is that girls who get married with their husband, mostly also lives with her in-laws. She also feels that as a girl she needs to adapt with her new “house” later on. Does that mean that i’m wrong? Being chased by lots of boys doesnt mean it’s a blessing? Because in the end a girl will only choose one and if the girl gets a frustrating in-laws it’ll also lead to an unhappy life?

    Tbh i still have a small glimpse of hope so that i can be with her (idk if this hope will fades through time or not)… but my mindset right now isnt to wait for her anymore (i hope this mindset stays like this… and not get swayed into waiting for her again). But I wont pray for this hope everyday anymore… it’s like something i’d just keep for myself.

     

     

    • “I don’t think it would benefit you to hope and pray for you two getting together. It would only prevent you from finding someone else, someone better… You yourself are very young, she is your first crush, your whole relationship happened online, so it wasn’t even a real relationship since you didn’t really go on dates, have you? I dare to say that you practically haven’t experienced a real relationship yet.”
    • “You say you’re madly in love, but you haven’t even held her hand, have you? You are in love with an image of her, and also with the feeling you had while interacting with her: you felt appreciated, you felt someone values you and shows interest in you. You desperately needed this kind of attention – positive attention – from people, because you haven’t received it from your parents. She provided it for you, and it made you feel loved.”

    = Yes you are right, she is my first crush and i haven’t even experienced any dates. I also havent even experienced holding a girl’s hand. I guess you are right… i’m madly in love with an image of her (her physical appearance) and also i think due to that we connect with each other through texts….. I cant let go of her also due to i think that it’s tiring to start from 0 again with another girl… as with this girl i’ve told her everything about me. And yeah… also due to my self-esteem.

    One of my friends who’s in a relationship said that as a guy i need to be smart in winning the “girl’s parents” heart/acceptance…. is it true? Do u think i should learn this now, so i’m more prepared when meeting my future girlfriend’s parents? 😂

     

     

    (Copied from previous thread): As for improving myself, i really want to improve on the way i talk with girls….. i’m mostly shy at having an eye contact with girls… especially if i find them attractive idk why. Also i’m not really good at talking casually with people who im not really close with…… i have a feeling that some people (acquaintance) feels uncomfortable talking to me as i’m not a fun person to talk to….When i really thought that i could date this girl, i also have this “communication insecurities” like i’m afraid she’s going to be turn off by how not fun i’m on communicating.  I guess it’s because i’m an introvert. I feel like i’m only good at communicating if i’m sharing my feelings and they hear about it….. like how i used to talk to my close friends…. but if it’s a casual talk…. i’m really not a fun person to talk with. Especially if most of my friends gather…. i wont talk much… i usually only listen.

    How do u think i can improve this part?

     

    #383158
    Felix
    Participant

    *continuing from the previous thread above*

    Since separating from her, as usual i’m having anxiety everyday… i know that i’m repeating this but i keep imagining lots of scenarios. I dont know how will i survive this everyday…

    I need to accept if any boys might try to get close to her on uni, but it’s so difficult for me to accept that… i guess this the scenario that keeps driving me insane… why cant i just accept that scenario.. i hate myself..

    And also everything around me seems to go downhill, now that i’ve graduated and settled in this city which is helping my parents business. I feel like the chance of exploring like on my uni days is gone….and also most people who’s at my age right now is already busy with themselves (working and relationship)…. I feel like i find it difficult to accept adulthood…. I keep comparing myself to her… as she just started uni, it must be nice for her to be able to meet lots of people and she can explore lots of things.

    It’s always been this way… few years back when i’m on uni and she’s on highschool… i also feel envy of her that she’s still studying at school and i feel anxiety that she might have a crush on someone on highschool. Like i’m always tracking her life progress and it drives me insane.

    I know that i should focus on improving myself, but it’s so hard to stop thinking about her… i tried brainstorming with myself to convince myself that this is for the best… well my mind was convinced then the next day i’m thinking about her again…

    I think the only way is to find someone new, but i’m so tired of relationship… like i want to be alone now.. i dont even want to talk to anyone… i feel like if i can disappear now i’ll be really happy. I’m so tired with life… it never goes my way…. It’s hard being me. I always keep praying so that i’ll have a good relationship life with girls.. but it never came.

    • This reply was modified 5 days, 3 hours ago by Felix.
    #383120
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

    I understand every of ur advices above, and i also feel that it’s the best solution for me….. which is to detach myself from her as the future is uncertain… and also focus on the present such as improving myself.

     

    But of course after this situation, as a human i’m deeply affected by it.

    I feel like i’ve tried everything i can… but i still can’t get the conclusion i wanted.

    As of today i still feel so down and sad, i even wished that tomorrow is 2025 so that i can see the outcome of this uncertainty. But of course it’d be unwise for me to think that i’d skip 4 years of my life only to see how is my outcome with her.

    I feel so much unfairness, as i think she’s not as sad as me….. like i’m the only one who’s really madly in love and if she really loves me she’d put an effort for this situation…. maybe it’s because she said that she havent know me fully yet, as we only contact each other through texts but it’s also due to her situation in which she gets pressure from her family regarding relationship and also due to her insecurities for having an aunt who has a bad marriage.

    Also she’s a girl…. like even if she feels sad…. she just need to wait if she wants a new boy…. like she only have to fix her appearance and a boy will come to her, even if she still feels sad eventually the boy who’s attracted to her will just convince her to not feel sad anymore… whereas me, i’m a guy and i have to convince myself to not give up and try to chase another girl. Also i cant feel sad in chasing girls, as girls will reject me as a “weak guy”. I know this sounds that i’m complaining, but yeah… this is what i feel now 😑.

    Do u think this is due to our age gap? Is 4 years actually a big age gap for relationships?

    Do u think if i hope to fate everyday that i will be brought into the right path with her will only cause bad influence to me? Will it only remind myself of her?

     

    As for improving myself, i really want to improve on the way i talk with girls….. i’m mostly shy at having an eye contact with girls… especially if i find them attractive idk why. Also i’m not really good at talking casually with people who im not really close with…… i have a feeling that some people (acquaintance) feels uncomfortable talking to me as i’m not a fun person to talk to….

    When i really thought that i could date this girl, i also have this “communication insecurities” like i’m afraid she’s going to be turn off by how not fun i’m on communicating.  I guess it’s because i’m an introvert.

    I feel like i’m only good at communicating if i’m sharing my feelings and they hear about it….. like how i used to talk to my close friends…. but if it’s a casual talk…. i’m really not a fun person to talk with. Especially if most of my friends gather…. i wont talk much… i usually only listen.

     

    #383061
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    • “I am sorry for replying only now, I was on holidays and rarely at the computer…”

    = No worries, and i’m still thankful that you are still replying and giving me advice.

     

     

    • ” Did she tell her parents about you? What was their reaction?”
    • “OK, so she says she has feelings for you and could see the two of you dating. But there’s a problem with that: she is forbidden to date anyone before she graduates from the university, if I understood well? Neither her aunt nor her mother would support the idea, and she doesn’t sound like she wants to oppose them and date you anyway, does she?”
    • “What kind of solution? She told you she would be able to date only in 2 years from now, at the earliest. Until then, what is she suggesting?”

    = She told me that, at first she thought that her parents would be mad at her for getting close with a boy. But that reaction didnt happen…. After she said that, her father said: You are still 18, focus on your studies first. And her mom said: You are still too young to have a relationship with someone, i suggest you to have a relationship with someone when you have graduated uni/working. Also her mother asks how she and i get to know each other, she told her mother that we get to know each other because we attend the same school when i was her senior…. but then we mostly contact each other through chatting as we never meet each other. Then her father told her: I think both of your relationship is still “puppy love”. And her mother said: How can you both know each other if only by chatting…. and her mother said that she suggest her to have a relationship when graduating uni later on. Although her parents said those words, i dont think they force her to cut off ties with me.

    After that she said to me that she needs a few days to think about the solution,

    Then after the few days she said to me that she decided to go back to her old decision in which both of us didnt form any romantic relationship… like only stay as a casual “friend”.

    She said after those few days of thinking and understanding herself, she said that she’s actually a person who doesnt want to have a relationship that early…. because she always heard those advices from her parents… and also she also has an aunt that has a bad marriage and she fears that…. and she said that’s also a reason why she doesnt want to have a relationship quickly… like she prefers the relationship if it’s really a sure relationship till marriage…. because even if she has a relationship with me now, she’s going to uni in a city (45 mins by boat from my city)…. she said that even if i can travel to that city occasionally… we wont have many chance of face to face… she said long distance relationship cant make her know her partner’s personality fully. She prefers being with someone who she can meet occasionally…. and also she said she wants a relationship when she’s working…. but she cant predict where she’ll be working….. is it in her uni’s city or in our city? As she graduated uni on 2025. She also said that she’ll have to deal with her aunt later on… as she’s living with her in uni’s city. Like she prefers when she graduate later on.. when she’s an adult and free.

    She said to me that honestly she has feelings for me… and those days before she has concludes that decision hurts her.

    She said to me that both of us should move on…. she told me not to wait as she’ll feel guilty towards me… as she’ll stop me from having a relationship with someone… only because she cant have a relationship till she graduate.

    Tbh i cried that day and i said that i agree with her decision…. but i said to her that i’ll still open any possibilities of both of us being together…. she told me: please dont said that, it hurts me to feel guilty that you’ll wait for me… i’ve hurt you a lot of times.. seeing you hurt also hurts me.

    I said to her yes i’ll agree with your decision and i’ll move on…. but we cant predict the future… who knows that we might end up with each other…

    She said okay…

    But let’s just focus on the present…. let fate decides the future… For right now, let’s both move on.

    And i said okay.

     

     

    I cant believe that i’ve done everything i can all these years but i still havent found myself a happy love relationship life.

    Tbh i said to her that i “open possibilities” is because that she always remembers everything i said and i hope that those small words might brought us together if we’re meant to be.

    I also want to form a relationship with her now is also so that i wont have to face any possibilities of rivalry with the boys who want to chase her when she’s in uni later on. Although im convinced that she’s really sure that she dont want a relationship till she graduates…. but anything could happen and we dont know. And when she graduates on 2025….. i’d be 26 by then…. i bet some of my friends are married by then.

    I dont even have a time to think about my insecurities with her…. like my height….

    These days i’m healing myself after feeling hurt, like after i finished healing i’ll try to chase other girls…. if i’m still single till 2025 i’ll try again with her if she’s still single….. But idk when will i finished healing…. it’ll take a lot of time and it hurts a lot.

    But i also fear that when she graduates later on….. she’ll be a different person and also she’ll have a lot’s of boys acquaintances…. much more rivalry than now. And i also hope that she’ll be working on our city when she graduate later on… not on her uni’s city…. as i’ll have no chance with her (LDR).

    I keep praying to god these days, that i’ll be given the right path on my relationship life….. i keep praying that it’s her….. i cant believe im still this madly obsessed with her even after that decision.

    I hope that in the future i’ll get to marry someone who i madly in love with.

    • This reply was modified 6 days, 23 hours ago by Felix.
    #382777
    Felix
    Participant

    *continuing from the previous thread above*

    When i’ve convinced myself that i should just stop doing anything for her… as i think it’ll only end up giving me anxiety.

    But the next day my brain would think the other way (it’s always like this, the cycle keeps repeating)… that i should not give up on her… omg i’m so tired of this 😑. Even her parents know about me now, i’m so embarrassed.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by Felix.
    #382749
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

     

    She did say that she loves me and imagining us dating…(idk if she’s saying this with her adult mindset or she’s still immature).

    Tbh the problem is not only about her aunt. Recently, she said to me she asks her mom… like for example “what if she’s in love with someone right now and that person loves her too”, her mom said that you are still too young to be in a relationship… and her mom advice her to be in a relationship when she’s graduated from uni later on as she’s more mature by then….

    Actually her mom used to advice her with those words… and she always thought that she’ll only like someone after graduating uni… but she never expect that she’ll like me… that’s why she’s confused right now…. I also never thought that how i used to text her daily for the past few years would cause her to like me.

     

    Although this time when she doesnt wanna let me go, when i heard she said that her mom said that she’s too young… i suddenly lost my mood and feel empty… like i think it’s pointless if i keep pushing for her… as she’s gonna live with her aunt later on and definitely her mum will end up finding out she’s dating with me….

    Like i feel why do i need to get through this hardship only for a date…. Also later on i need to handle my insecurities…. Like i cant even handle my insecurities, and being with her i need to struggle with these hardships only to get a date. The only thing that still keeps pushing for her all this time because i often heard that one mustnt give up to get a relationship, especially if the feelings are mutual.

    Tbh i’ll definitely get hurt when i leave her but thinking about all the struggles here is also painful…. Maybe it’s because the gap of our age is too far….Although i know she’s also trying to find a solution for us.
    I never thought that it’s really this difficult to get a “date” with someone…. I noticed most of my friends had it easy to get a date.. as long as both parties agreed…

    If only she’s not that pretty… i’m really sure i can move on easily.

    I can feel that day by day i’m getting tired of her due to this complicated situation…. Although i can still sense my obsession of her.

     

    I keep thinking that in this situation, she’s more advantageous than me… i’m correct right? Like i have to adapt with her “relationship issue” situation… whereas i never demand her anything regarding my situation.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by Felix.
    #382683
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

     

    You said:

    “she’s not being fair with you because she can’t promise you anything about the future, she’s telling you to wait for 2 years to even start dating, she’s throwing you a bait about some possible (and as you say, highly uncertain) relationship many years from now. It’s one big nothing.

    She probably just needs attention, and so far you’ve been her greatest fan, and now as she’s losing it, she wants it back. She doesn’t want you, but your attention and you pining for her. That probably makes her feel better about herself and boosts her self-esteem. It’s her ego, not a real interest in you.”

    = Tbh it’s also the other way around… like i always feel like i need her attention. She told me to wait for 2 year, i actually know that it is true and i can guarantee that in 2 years she wont be in a relationship….. but i know her behaviour… especially with her new coquettish behaviour, i’m really sure she will post to gain attention from people on instagram…. and it’ll most likely cause boys to get attracted to her… this is what i’m mostly anxious about….

    Also when we text each other for the past few days… i really really forget about my regrets and embarrassment….. although actually i also dont really like her family (on how she explains to me about her family)….. but i always read that if two person love each other, they can find solutions to overcome the obstacles.

    I also have the thoughts of stop chatting with her…. like i really want to leave her (due to how she explains about her family, also due to that i’ll feel anxious for the next few years)…. but when i tried to stop chatting her for a day…. it feels like a struggle and the thoughts of the embarrassment and regret of social media came back..

     

    You said:

    “If I were you, I wouldn’t agree on it by any means. It’s just going to end up in disappointment and you being anxious about her for the next 4-5 years.”

    = Yes i’m really sure most people would say this…. but idk why my brain always keep telling me that she’s the only “attractive” girl that i can hope for. For the past 9 months when i stop chatting with her, i tried to get close to girls and i failed…. when i failed i always have thoughts of her…. like i should just push my limits for her rather than trying other girls….. Maybe it’s due to my self-esteem (like what u used to said before).

    Also i think it’s due to i feel like i’ve messed up on social media (like how i used to embarrassed myself which cause people to look at me as unattractive).

    Like i also have thoughts of even if i wait or separate with her…… i can bet that she’ll still be in my head. 😐

    I feel like i cant be free of her in my thoughts……

    I also feel like if she’s considering having relationship with me (although it’s still on 2023)…. i should go for it to see if it works or not….. because i dont think i’ll be in a relationship in 2023 if i separated with her (based on what i’ve tried for the past 9 months) as i have difficulties in chasing girls.

     

    You said:

    “It’s understandable that your insecurities came back, because a part of you wants to impress her, because she’s making you believe she is interested in you. But as I said, my impression is that she’s not interested in you but in your attention. So the best would be to free yourself from her – to wish her well and go your separate ways. If you’re meant to be together in 4-5 years, it will happen. But right now, it would be a bad choice to stay attached to her.”

    = If i really go out with her, how do u think i should cope with this insecurities? As she havent realized of my height.

     

    Even after all my explanations here, is ur advice still the same as before? Which is to leave her? As i wanna have some thoughts with myself before making the decision.

    #382545
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply and advices,

    After reading your advice a week ago, i decided to “bid final farewell to her”…. i post a picture of a quote which states “i know you miss her but you deserve better”. I post it on my close friend list, so only she can view it. At that time i’ve convinced myself to move on even though i know it hurts and it’ll be torturing.

    But then she suddenly texts me, asking what do i mean with those words and how i was doing….. and then we also talk about her confession that day…. she states that she hasnt forgotten about me…. and she has been posting on her instagram stories to get my attention (although her intention is still the same, she doesnt want to go back with me at that time)…

    She said at that time she asks both of us to leave each other because she viewed a “relationship” as a serious matter, and she imagine she can only be in a relationship after graduating uni….. and she said that “if” i’m still single when she graduated later on… she’ll find me….. and it’s on 2025 😐. Like how can she plan it like that……. she said it’s because on uni (the uni is in a city 45 minutes by boat from our city). Later on that city she’ll live with her aunt…. she said she’s afraid of their judgements… and she has 6 aunts there….. in which all of them could talk about her….. because her aunt keeps saying to her when she goes to uni later on…. just find a husband in her uni’s city….. as her most of her aunt do that…… and because her dad is the “little brother” of most of her aunt….. her aunt keeps giving advice like that to her dad….. and she said it gives pressure to her……

    She said she’d wait till she graduate because she’d be free by then…. not living with her aunt anymore…… but i said to her what if on 2025 i’ve found another person to love. She said if that happens, then she’ll move on….

    But she said when we stop texting each other… she keeps thinking because both of us have known each other for a long time, she’d regret not try dating with me…. like she feels like she could miss a great opportunity and i also felt that.

    Long story short, we decided to reconcile….

    But, as she havent entered uni yet (it’s on this october)… she said we cant date yet and we can only chat by phone like how we use to do…. because she doesnt want to tell her parents yet….. she said that after she went to her uni’s city she can be more freer and we can meet up…. maybe on her 2nd/3rd year (2023 or 2024)….. but she’s still confused on how she’ll deal with her aunts later on…

    And also due to covid cases keeps rapidly increasing in my city she cant predict when she can go to that city for uni….. and also as for now the uni said the lectures will be online, because there’s still covid cases too in that city (the city is a different country than ours).

    And we’re texting each other everyday.

    Now i’m so confused, i dont want to get hurt again…. but i also feel tortured losing her…… but with this kind of situation i’m so confused…..

    Like she said she can only meet up on her 2nd or 3rd year which is 2023 or 2024…. like it’s too long….. although actually i can do that….. because i prefer her staying in this city than going to that city although we can meet up later on…. i’m afraid she can meet new boys there and suddenly she might leave me, but if she’s graduating on 2025…. i’m sure at some point she’ll go to her uni’s city, like it’s impossible she stays at home studying online till 2025…… i keep thinking she might leave me… because i know she’s still immature and young and also because we can’t predict right? Like she has the coquettish behavior, also she havent experienced uni, and also havent experienced leaving with her aunt…… too many uncertainties……

    Also tbh the last time we met is when she’s still shorter than me…. and because i keep wearing tall shoes, i bet she thinks im taller than her…. because i remember she said that im tall (and i immediately switch topics when we discussed that). Even though idk what is her exact height, im pretty sure we are the same height….. idk if she’ll accept me…. maybe i can fake my height when we date later on with tall shoes… but if one day she asks me to visit her aunt’s/parents home….. she’ll notice it…..

    Like i’m on my journey on accepting my height, but due to this circumstances, the insecurities came back…… Tbh right now i prefer girls who are shorter than me…. but i already end up liking this girl and it’s torturing to forget about her.

     

    One of my friend whom i told this situation, she said i should try harder for this girl 😐. She said that god keeps leading me a way to keep contacting with her, and show me a way that i should try harder…. idk if it’s true tho.

     

    What do u think i should do in this situation, do u have some advices? Should i solve these issues on by one? Which steps should i take? Like should i leave her or continue with her……

    From all the threads before in which i’ve explained everything about her, i’m sure u can understand my situation……….

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 5 days ago by Felix.
    #382120
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

    I’ll try to focus on her personality that i dont like… to make it easier to move on…I hope this time it works. It’s so giving me a headache.

    And also with the advice you given, that means i shouldnt text her birthday wishes anymore is it?Even though this year we wish each other after separated. Like completely no contact right?

     

    But why do you think she’s provoking jealousy in me? Like i didnt text her anything besides birthday wish and she provokes me like that… I didnt do anything wrong.

    Tbh i cant understand girls anymore after i saw her change like that… like i used to be with her for 5 years and never expect someone modest to become that coquettish. Also do u think if someone has become coquettish like that, do u think it’ll only become more coquettish through time?

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 6 days ago by Felix.
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