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September 14, 2020 at 8:25 am in reply to: PLEASE someone help me pls, i feel like im loosing my self #366696
Thank you very much for your reply,
If she does have any feelings for you, I highly doubt they are the same kind of feelings you have for her.
= What do u mean that if she does have feelings, it’s not the same kind of feelings i have for her? Like u mean, she doesnt genuinely like me? Even when she said all those emotional words that she’s also hurt letting me go… im really sure she’s really hurt. I know her. I’m not misjudging (maybe you may thought that i’m obsessing with her and i ended misjudging, but she really does feel hurt for this)
This is my plan for my future regarding this condition:
My plan right now is to find another girl for me(while still hoping for her also, only hoping but not texting her often) if it goes well and i find a good one in the next 5 years.. i’m sure i’ll forget about her. But if i cant find one, i’ll try contacting her again (if she’s still single).
What do u think of my plan?September 14, 2020 at 8:13 am in reply to: PLEASE someone help me pls, i feel like im loosing my self #366693
Thank you very much for you reply,
From what you said that she’s waiting for me to stop liking her now
= yes that’s true she doesnt want me to wait for her because she wants to focus on her studies and her future job… she said to me that i would be a waste of time for me to wait for her, and it’ll be a burden to her
She then said that she feels so hurt saying this, and she actually wants to be with me but she’s unsure of her future. And she cant do a long distance relationship, that’s why she ask me to be her friend only and dont frequently contact her again. So that both of us wont get hurt if we keep contacting each other but ended into a broke up in the future.
Yes i know 21 and 17 is not the right age for us, that’s why i’ve told her that i would wait… till she’s 20 and im ready for her, but we need to keep contacting each other… but she said dont wait.
Then when i asked, what if in the future i come for you again, she said she cant answer it as she cant predict the future
And i asked her if your feelings for me right now are real, do u have it easy letting me go like this? She said she wont answer it.
Then i asked, should i chase another girl now? She said she wont answer it.
Then she wishes me to take care of myself, and we should stay friends but not as close as usual. Like only a normal friend.
So after this explanation, do u still have the same opinion? (From your above opinion)
And why are you sure with this words that u said “you will look back on this in the future and realize you were upset about nothing, i promise”
My plan right now is to find another girl for me(while still hoping for her also, only hoping but not texting her often) if it goes well and i find a good one in the next 5 years.. i’m sure i’ll forget about her. But if i cant find one, i’ll try contacting her again (if she’s still single).September 10, 2020 at 10:03 am in reply to: PLEASE someone help me pls, i feel like im loosing my self #366503
Dear rose of yellow
Thank you for your reply,
“She is telling you with honesty that she is not interested in you“ = she just confessed to me that time that she has feelings for me, i even asked her twice.
She has feelings for me now but not more than that… isnt this mutual for us? She cant be in a relationship now because her parents forbid, and also she’s not sure of her future as she could be move to that city (of her uni) if she finds a good job there but she isnt sure too…
She also told this when confessing her feelings for me, that she dreamt of me, when she listen to sad music it reminds her of me, she also keep pictures of me that she took by screenshot on my instagram story… if she didnt confess like this i’d have it easier… but she said this… and it’s like giving me hope…. as i never had a girl who has feelings for me before and i always thought that she is worth it that’s why i want to wait for her…
When i ask when u are ready later on, and i suddenly come to you again… will you accept me or reject… she cant answer it and she said i shouldnt try to guess her feelings in the future… like if she wanted me to forget about her she could’ve said she’ll reject right?
And also when i asked her “if u have feelings for me, dont you feel sad for saying this?”…. she wont answer
This is what gives me hope and i dont know if its a false hope or not, and she said we are only friends now. She said we can still contact each other but not daily texts.
Honestly i wanna wait for her in the future, but i keep getting afraid of her meeting and getting to know new people in uni…. as i cant stop that from happening.
- This reply was modified 2 weeks, 3 days ago by Felix.
Thanks for your reply.
It’s actually not only due to their judgment, as i also feel confident and comfortable if i can fake my height when barefoot, into the height of me wearing shoes.
So is it really impossible to fake height barefoot?
Or do u think it’s alright for me to let people see i have different height when im wearing shoes and barefoot?
I apologize if i still show obsessions regarding height and girlfriend.
What i mean is that once i get a girl, do u think if i still regarded as a child might affect her too? Like getting underestimated too.
I’m really not sure how to act independently in front of other people/new people. As my parents keep doing everything for me.
- This reply was modified 1 month, 4 weeks ago by Felix.
I try being myself, but if im being myself it’s going to be an inconsiderate and ignorant person. I dont think i’ll have a good image that way, but sometimes i feel to awkward to do something that independent person does, like you said above (cleaning long table after gathering).
Do you think if i keep being regarded as a child, it’ll affect my chances on a girl. Or if i already got a girl, she’ll be underestimated too in your opinion?
Today i just have a gathering among neighbors, and we all sit in the same table (long table). My seat is near neighbors around my age, and i dont really have a topic to talk about with them.. so i just played with my phone till the gathering ends.. During the gathering i said that the chili sauce are spicy and i just take a little to eat with the french fries and the neighbors around my age laugh… idk if its underestimating me or just laugh only… because i always stay silent around them (due to me dont know what to talk about). I really dont want them to underestimate me, as i’m already 21 now… and they are a few years older than me… i feel like if im underestimated now how will my wife’s image later on… it will be underestimated too… i really wanna talk, but i just dont know what to talk about and i dont wanna say wrong words which will destroy my image.
I really want to have new friends/connections, but i cant even talk at neighbors gathering… i feel such a low person due to this..
Even one of the neighbors who first met me, and how he acts around me now.. is so different… like now he sees me like a child…
I always try to act like an adult with new people, but it’s just that they’ll end up seeing me as a child… like they saw my weaknesses. As i look like a person who’s not independent.
I cant live away from my parents, only maybe living in a different house when i get married later on.
Right now my fear of being single approaches me again. I fear that i’ll stay single forever, i feel so down. To get a new person (for future girlfriend potential) i need to befriend them first, its just that my closest friends cant seem to offer me anyone new.. because they have few friends too and i have known their friends’.
And right now is in quarantine state, and for safety reasons my parents told me to stay at home everyday (in which i wanted also because its safer), but i keep getting thoughts that when will i get a girlfriend. I’m still 21 now, but i dont want to stay calm because i dont want to regret later on…
And also i still have this problem regarding my height, so everytime i go out i always use thick sandals/shoes to increase my height a bit. But i still feel insecure if i have to go to someone house or a place where i have to take off sandals/shoes. Well if the place have a low ceilings (like in apartment).. i still can fake my height… but if the ceilings are big i cant. How do i fake my height then… im so confused, like i wanna fake 2cm of my height.
I’ll try practicing it.
As for the second problem i mentioned above. Do you have solutions for it?
I also have a problem, in which im always a passive person because my mother tend to always do things for me.
So today we have a barbeque with our neighbors and one of the neighbours (which is mother friend) said to me, go try frying the food.. if you never try you never know.. (she is basically trying to tell to me to learn something and not to be passive, trying to be helpful)… but im a sensitive person and i hate it when she said that in front of some people. I can fry the food though, its just that i never take the initiative to help or do something. And i hate it that my mother always babbling about me with my characteristics that im passive which lead to those words.
This is also due to my dad, he’s also a passive person and in the barbeque he only talks to specific person, and never initiated to talk with a person who he doesnt know very well. I blame him for this… as he also doesnt initiate to help in the preparing the barbeque.
I feel like i wanna go abroad again and study and not be here. I’m not happy like this… it’s not like they need me to help with the business right away.
I’ll keep both advices above in mind.
I recently just realized that i have a weak communication skills with someone that i just get to know. I dont know how to talk to them, except if the person is so sociable to anyone then i can talk.. because that person will start a conversation with me.
If the person is not too sociable, i really dont know what to talk with him/her because i dont know what topic to talk, and to a person like that i’ll have difficulty to look them in the eye… i’m worried that the person might thought im arrogant.. in which im not. I just dont know what to talk about and im too shy to look in the eye. If i keep having this problem i’ll eventually have a hard time communicating for on new friends too. I usually have it easier when both of us have the same purpose then we can talk about it. But if it’s with a person that i know nothing about.. i cant… especially if its a girl. As i cant talk about her appearance right.
I usually compare myself to “some” of my friends that i choose, because when i do this i’ll push myself forward, but sometimes i ended pressuring myself and i have a headache because of it.
Also lately i keep having the previous thoughts again when i promote the house for sale (i mentioned on previous threads), like i keep regretting my action… i keep thinking that it would have been better if i dont post it, and i’ll have a peaceful mind right now…. i keep regretting it.. as i cant undo those people who have seen my post..
Yes i think my parents also wanted me to learn from them. Actually im quite okay with this, it’s just that when i saw my friends having their own business on social media. I keep comparing myself, like they get their own income, instead im just here helping my parents employees. Like i want a feeling of their approval on seeing me as im doing my own things (work).
Do you think i’ve been pressuring myself too much on this?
I’ve always been comparing myself to my friends, because this is how i keep pushing forward all this time, but at the same time i also ended feeling so much anxiety because of this
I’ll try to listen the meditation you recommend.
So here i am with another problem, in which im so confused on what should i do now. My parents wanted me to continue helping their business when i graduate, and here i am… and they never gave me a proper position for me to work. Because all of the position has already been occupied by my parents employee.. and they are in the highest hierarchy on their business. So they just gave me a job which is helping the employees.. i dont feel like doing a job when i do that..
I always feel pathetic whenever i saw my friends posting that they are doing their own business(work). I feel so bad that i’m only helping my parents employees.. my role is not really necessary, like if im absent.. the employee could do the job because basically im just helping the employee on what they need to be helped with (i hope this doesnt sound confusing).
I know that if i feel bad/jealous seeing my friends start their own business.. i should start one but i cant because i dont feel i can and im also supposed to help my parents business.. my parents never pushed me to overwork.. because they know that their business will eventually be mine and they just gave me that easy work so i have something to work(job) everyday.. but i always feel bad if i saw my friends posting their own business on social media.
On daily basis i can distract myself by doing activities so i wont think of this agent problem again. But it’s just that every morning when i woke up i instantly get this thoughts again. Like every morning all my anxiety/problems will always consume my head. Idk why, i’ve been like this every morning.. like every time i woke up my mind just immediately think about my problems. Except when i dont have any problems in my head, then it wont appear
I really need to solve this, because if i dont i could be crazy by getting this headache every morning
- This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by Felix.