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I also feel that i’m unlucky because i have to continue their business and go back to this hometown after finishing my uni abroad. Sometimes i envy people who find their own job after uni that they can try their own life… idk why im feeling like this, some of my friends said that i should be grateful that my parents have a business and i can do my job easily (relax) here… it’s just that i feel so bored in this town, like i feel sad i end up here again and i dont make many friends here, like i really wanna explore more… but i know as i’m a lazy person i’ll end up going back here as it’s the best scenario for me. But again i still feel bored here.
I also feel bored here that i still can’t find a girl for me here….
Is this me being selfish or that i’m still not matured yet?
My swallowing disorder doesnt make me eat less, i can still eat a lot regularly by using water on each swallowing process. I just dont know why i have a weak stamina.
Regarding the gardening, i still dont wanna try it idk why. I dont feel any enthusiasm in doing it.
I have read your post and understand your advice and I deeply apologize if i should have reply instead of starting a new thread as i thought it’s about a new different topic so i create it.
<Below i copy several sentences from the thread i just created>
So lately i’ve been trying to accept to continue their business but i’m still confused and don’t know what my parents are trying to make me work… because when i ask what should i do.. they’ll just give me a small work that requires no responsibility and is easy. Therefore this leads me to be in my room more especially when right now is lockdown so they told me not to come out (only my dad goes to work). Because i keep being in my room, my dad is always mad at me.. he said that i’m very lazy… because everytime he ask me to do his hobbies/activities when he has finished work like jogging, and taking a look at his garden.. i always refuse because i have no interest in that. I also dont wanna do that activities because i hardly talk to my dad, i’m not close to him and also he’s an introverted guy and has few friends. My dad always told me to go workout instead of being in my room… but i just dont like working out as i have a weak stamina. I never really like sports. Actually i’m pretty bored myself if i keep watching in my room everyday, but it’s just that im too lazy to do any stuffs.
As for my work, i still don’t know what will i do later on, because my dad always look as me as a person who’s passive and only can wait for someone to do it for me. I’m really worried on this because i dont want my future girlfriend to look at me as a worthless person who can’t do work, but it’s just that im confused on what to do. And also i have no choice but to continue in my father’s footsteps. Sometimes i think that i should have just try finding a job abroad (in the country where my uni is) even though if the salary is very low so that people (my future girlfriend) could look at me as a person with a job… but even if i work there, i’ll still end up going back to my hometown…. Right now i really hate being in my hometown, i didn’t meet new people at all… and i thought if i find a job abroad maybe i can find new people that maybe one of them could end up be in a relationship with me, but i’ll have to keep saving money only to pay the rent there, so it’s actually not worth it.
I really wanted to have a partner (girl) to talk to, to cuddle to, to hug… i always imagine this mostly before i’m sleeping but i dont even know how my life will become with this confusing path and also i haven’t met new people (also my parents have very little friends, and they hardly introduce any new people to me). I also always wanted to have a family on my own, but with continuing my parents business i know i’ll always get attached to them even though i prefer to have my own privacy.
I’m really going through a healing period for myself, but it’s just that my lazy behavior… do i really need to change it? and try to do activities that most people do like my dad (jogging, gardening) or do i keep just being myself to only watch movies? Am i being ungrateful by being lazy like this?
The nature of the business is that my dad is a private aquarium owner and we take fish from supplier abroad… and we sell it here to consumers and also we sell it to smaller private aquarium shops in my town who don’t have a supplier.
The part of the business that i’m embarrassed about is that the floor of the shop is always wet and smelly due to fish scent… and also most people here regards fish (aquarium fish) as like a low standard type of business… and idk why people here few of them like to joke about fish, like their faces and etc… and also joke about the process of taking care of aquarium fish, like my father’s employees usually put their hands inside the aquarium (not only i think people see this as a joke, but also maybe a bit disgusting). Then due to this, it also affects on my embarrassment on girls, they could think like i mentioned above…
Most of my friends parents job is like a normal type of job, like office jobs.. even if they own a business it’ll be like building materials shops, bulb shops, electronic shops, money changer… so it’s not disgusting and smelly…
Yes i understand your theory in “You don’t have a girlfriend before you courageously reach out to her; you don’t have a girlfriend after you reach out to her- nothing has changed. Nothing changed except for you exercising courage.”, i’ll keep that in mind.
Regarding the family issue that i mentioned before, do u think it’ll be an obstacle for me?… especially if i’m chasing a girl (with a family with a better relationship/bigger family and in harmony condition).
How you answer my questions, sums up all of it correctly.. and i’m thankful that someone understands my situation.
Regarding the 2 options u said, i always knew that no. 2 is always what i wanted… it’s just that i never had the courage to do so… but i’ll try and i hope i can really have that courage and not just imagining the courage in my head only.
And also there’s another issue that is still in my head, it’s regarding my family.. when i saw that girl’s facebook… i saw that every year her family is gathering to celebrate her great grandfather birthday.. and i saw lots of family members and i guess that means she has a big family. When i saw that picture, i feel troubled also because my family that’s in good relationship is basically only 4 of us (my mom, dad and my sister) basically only my small family. My dad’s siblings is not on good terms with us and my mother is an only child. I’m afraid that this could be an issue also that she could reject me due to my family relationships.
Do u think i think too much before starting an action on her? Or is this really an issue?
My cautions mind keeps thinking of any part that i should fix to have a better chance.
And also whenever i dont think about relationship stuffs, i feel happier and i can do any activities without feeling pressured. Should i think this way? But i dont wanna stay single forever.
Thanks for the advice i’ll keep that in mind.
And there’s another problem that i can’t take my mind off, is that she’s the same height as me… i’m really attracted to her now and i wanna approach her but this issue keep stoping me to make a move. I’m thinking of a lot of stuffs, as maybe she could dislike that she must adjust her heels if wanna be with same height, her parents might tell her why she get herself a short boy, etc —> do u think i shouldn’t think this way?
I’m living in south east asia, and the average height here is not that tall. For boys it’s 5’7 and i’m still below it. I’m really really trying to accept myself here, but i dont think i can. It’s just that i cant accept the fact that i’m the shortest among my group of friends. Most people here always describe me as “short”, like in indirect way. Like when one of my best friend, he’s studying abroad and tell them about his best friend which is me, when his friend’s ask how do i look like.. he describe me as “the short funny guy”. I can’t accept the fact that i’m always labeled as the short one, even when they are not mocking me… but i’m always being describe as short. If at least i’m 5’6 im not that far from average, but i’m 2 inches above it and its too far already. Average girl’s height here is my height which is 5’5.
I dont know if im being ungrateful or what, it’s just that i still can’t accept that there is something which is “height” that i’ll always gonna be the last among my friends, and i can’t change it ever in my life. Like i feel i wanna escape reality that i can’t accept that im the shortest boy. Even some of my friend’s who used to be the same height as me when we were 18 now he is 5’6, and i still dont know why i dont grow even an inch since 17. Even most of my friend’s who all are taller than me, their parents are shorter than them and they still grow, whereas my dad is 5’6 and i’m shorter than me, i dont understand why this is happening to me. I even feel that i can’t forgive god for this unfairness, as i didnt ask to be this hard headed for not wanting to be the “last” among my friends, i have this personality since i was a kid. Like i didnt ask for that kind of personality, and still i got 5’5.
This is what’s in my thought right now….
Yes of course i wanna be taller, i’m willing to pay money if i can… but it’s impossible. I be at least 5’6 because majority of my friends are around that height and 5’7. I’m like the shortest among my group of friends…. even outside that group of friends, the boys will be taller than me. I’ve been feeling this way since im 17 and im 21 now, and i haven’t grown an inch, whereas some of my friends who used to be 5’5 (same height as me) grow a few inches and they are taller than me now. I just feel that it’s unfair to me from god, as i still can’t accept that there is something which is “height” that i’ll always gonna be the last among my friends, and i can’t change it ever in my life. Like i feel i wanna escape reality that i can’t accept that im the shortest boy.
- This reply was modified 5 months, 4 weeks ago by Felix.
1. Yes i’m trying to stop thinking about it. But i dont think i could as i’m hard headed
2. I tried to stop thinking about my height, i distract myself by watching dramas and cartoons. Then when i watch movies, e.g. i’m attracted to a korean actress.. then i googled her as im curious about her. Then i saw her height, in which she’s a bit taller than me, then i start thinking about height again… feeling that why i’m not taller than her… and i also start comparing her with my friends, in which most of my friends are taller than her. I keep thinking about this, and eventually the distraction fails. Even when i watch cartoons, and i’m searching about the characters.. it states their height, and i’m pissed by it.
3. Yes i feel that i’m in the position of that i cant achieve something that i want in my life, because since i was a kid i’m a person who always wanted to achieve something that i want, but for this “height” i cant. I keep thinking that till i’m old i will never able to achieve this one thing i wanted.
4. If i think about my height suddenly, i’ll try to not think about it…. like i keep telling myself not to think about it.. and i’ll start doing something like watching/activities.. but sometimes it’ll lead to something that makes me think about height again. Even when i’m doing activities and i saw a kid much younger than me… i saw he’s slightly taller than me.. i feel down already.
I don’t know if this is curable, as maybe i’ll have to live my life forever thinking about this as it’s unchangeable (maybe i can’t face reality). I’m still able to go on in life, it’s just that “maybe” i’d prefer if i can take this “height problem” off my mind. It’s not that i wanna keep babbling about this… just that “height issue” stuck in my head.
- This reply was modified 6 months ago by Felix.
Do you have any solutions in healing this “obsession”?March 8, 2020 at 10:44 am in reply to: Why am i still single? Could it be that there’s isnt really the one for me? #342258
I have read your advices and i understand that its not my fault if she is not interested because that’s they way love works. But still till now i haven’t met someone new because i’ve been doing the same activity and hanging out with the same group of friends… I can’t even find a girl that i’m interested to chase, i feel worried right now that my thoughts are that i wont be in a relationship forever. I even have the crazy thoughts that maybe the only way to have a girl is to find someone i’m not interested in. Idk why but since im in middle school i’ve been longing to have someone who will like me because previous years when im still at school, there isnt a girl who have a crush on me. I’ve been waiting but still it came to this situation.
You can read my previous threads to see how is my love progress throughout time. I’m ending uni soon and will work with my family… and i wont meet someone new… i’m so worried i’ll stay single forever. Can u give me some tips to stop this obsessive thinking?February 22, 2020 at 8:41 am in reply to: Why am i still single? Could it be that there’s isnt really the one for me? #339450
Dear Tari thank you for replying,
I’m not looking a girl only because i find her physically attractive, i’m very selective in finding a girl i wanna chase and that’s one of the reasons why im tired if i have to switch and change into another girl that i wanna chase. Before i chase, i’d have to find out about her family background and also a bit of personality. Usually girls that i chase are mostly innocent girls who never go out till midnight, and are usually close to their parents. But this is also causing me into having a hard time in getting close to them by meeting in real life, that’s why i try to use instagram to chase her but it didnt work as she didnt replied. So my dream girl is that she’s physically attractive (cute) and doesnt need to be really pretty like having lots of make up, and she’s a conservative girl and close to her parents and didnt go hanging out with weird boys. Basically like u call a “good girl”. But even these “good girl” also rejected me… I’m so frustrated haha
And also i dont want a girl who only wants money, but its just that most people said that as long as u have money u’ll have it easier in finding girls. In which i’m financially good, still i cant find it easy in getting one.
Well for introverted friends, yes i shouldnt hold them accountable… but it’s just that to find new people i’ll have to rely a bit on them too right… to find a new girl for me to chase. Because to find the right person i’ll need to move around people right.
I feel that i’m matured enough to be in a relationship, and i have love myself since few months ago. But right now i’m still trying to be patient waiting for god to give me a pathway to find the right one for me.February 14, 2020 at 11:13 am in reply to: I cant stand being single and always being rejected #338308
Yes im asking the same question to see if most people answer the same question then its likely to be that answer. Because i wanna know what’s other people perspective on how will she feel when meeting me later on for the first time?