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Thank you for your reply. Your words have made me relax a bit regarding this situation, and i understand when you say people dont care about my parents siblings. What im really confused on is that will a girl concern about my parents siblings relationship if she is considering me as a partner. Because i bet most girls would want to have a comfy and warm family, especially when gathering among relatives. I also thought that in the future if my grandparents (my dad’s parents) is gone, there wont be any big gathering except me, my siblings and my parents only. Will a girl accept this? Or is what actually matters is only my parents and i dont need to worry about the other family members. I’m sorry if my request sounds weird haha.
Thank you for your reply and understanding this thread along with the previous ones. You showed me a positive message and it makes sense to me and i’ll take that advice.
As for my family members problem that i mentioned above, do u think a girl will accept that kind of situation? I’m asking this not because of i’m judging myself low, it’s just that i’m curious whether a girl might think twice in accepting someone if she finds it in this situation. I’d like ur opinion on this, thank you
I have dress well since like a year ago, i believe im already very fashionable, but my fashionable clothes will always look short no matter. U can just imagine a 5’5
And as for teeth, my canine teeth is far back on the left side. So basically when i laugh people will thought that one of my teeth is missing, like there is a gap between 2 teeth. I ever ask my parents for braces but they said that i dont have to, as it’s only a minor problem and unnecessary and they are also still afraid that it’ll affect my eating (you know my eating trauma), they are afraid i wont be able to chew. My parents is very sensitive towards my eating, they are afraid i wont be able to eat.
As 5’5 i weight 64 kg, i guess its already ideal for me and nothing much i can do to improve this short structure. Very difficult right?
Yes what i mean by lower tier is that most attractive (it doesnt have to be really beautiful, only above average) are most likely wont be attracted to me maybe because they see them as more qualified with a better looking person. And i ever tried to get close with one girl in the past (she’s not attractive among boys) and she’s open to me. Idk what i should do i want the attractive for me
So what’s the advantage of a boy that has more money?
And btw what if all the girls i chase rejected, i know you said that if i get rejected i should just think that im back as i am now (no difference). What if most girls that i chase later on see me, and when they look at me they immediately think that there are a lot of guys who is much better than me (because they saw me as a lower tier guy). Like they think “ahh this guy, why would i date this kind of guy, even the worse are better than him”.
I believe i can attract girls that is considered as lower tier, but even though i never attract girls, im also picky on girls that i want a pretty girl but most of them dont want me? Does this mean that god give me a sign to choose an unattractive girl/lower tier. I didnt demand a girl who look like a model, just a girl who is my type (a cute innocent type).
Regarding what your parents told you regarding women, money and height, clearly the totality of what they told you didn’t serve you well, didn’t lead you to find a girlfriend. So I wouldn’t consider what they told you or tell you still regarding finding a girlfriend.
=So how should i approach this matter in a better mindset so i can have a better perspective of it? As i always thought that due to money i can always find a girl eventually, even some of my friends also said like that.
I hope to read from you soon, before or after you approach a woman (same height or shorter, doesn’t matter to me).
=Well it doesn’t really matter if same height or shorter, but if i still lack confidence with the same height do u think i should just be confident even if there is a more higher chance of being rejected? But the same height girl is going to university abroad to another country (she’s my junior in highschool) and im graduating soon and come back to my hometown to work with my family, should i try within this circumstances?
As for the shorter girl, i dont really know her but i have followed her ig and have replied her stories before, do u think she might feel weird that a stranger text her? She’s in the same uni as me
Right now im feeling better regarding my height, in the mean time i’m accepting my height now and starting to think realistically. I hope my mind wont stop thinking like this.
As for the chewing and eating, i’ll try to do something to improve it
As for the love relationship, right now as i’m starting to think realistically i make my mind to start try to be attracted to shorter girls than me, because before this i personally dont like the appearance of short girls as i like the appearance of girls at my height but due to my height i’m not confident with the same height. I used to think that their parents might immediately reject me when they see their daughter hanging with a short boy like me, this is wrong right? My parents always said to me that i shouldn’t be worrying about height, because as long as a man has money you wont have to worry, do u think its true? Because i think most girls that i knew have notice that i have a good financial, and i still cant get one (girlfriend)
I’m happy as my mindset is getting better and better everyday, right now i’m thinking of trying to approach girls that i know as many as i can through instagram stories by replying their stories, do u think this is a good idea… well not immediately flirting but like try to get close to them as a friend. I really want to also try to reply the insta stories of a girl that is the same height as me, as right now im thinking of getting close to a few girls that i know and one of them is her with the same height. I always wanna approaching same height girls but i never have the confident.
You said “It is amazing how much we suffer and for so long from things that didn’t have to happen. And yet, we can’t change what happened“, yeah i agree with you but i still cant think positively regarding this and keep blaming god for the injustice that happened.
Regarding your advice for my eating habits, i’ll try to practice chewing myself and if it doesnt work i’ll try communicating with my parents regarding if i need a therapist.
Regarding my height, there’s actually quite number of girls shorter than me, not much but there are few. Actually there’s one girl i use to interested in and she’s way shorter than me.. like 5 inch only. It’s just that i havent get to know her but i have followed her ig and she followed back. She’s in the same uni as me, but im graduating soon. I’m still also having insecurities in getting to know girls outside my friend’s circle, it’s just that i always though that i have to blend in into the girl’s friends circle, and im not good at communicating so im worried they might judge me. Regarding this girl, one of my friend’s know her due to both used to attend the same club (organization) in uni.
Dear Anita, i’m really sorry that u are forced fed to which results in difficulty breathing every morning. Both of us didnt intent this to happen but it did and i still believe that this unfair treatment of something which is not our mistake and lead to something negative like my height.
And you said that “a gradual relearning of chewing with other than front teeth, and swallowing small pieces at a time with less water“ is a method that i can improve on, and my parents also told me that i should do that, but now whenever i try to chew with my back teeth i feel pain as i never use it and it always gets dirty for being unused which requires me to wash my teeth at dentist every 6 months and they even thought that my back teeth is dirty due to smoking which is not.
And yeah i only can enjoy flavorful drinks completely, i still can enjoy foods tho its just that i need to flush it into the throat with water so basically i dont know how to enjoy food like normal humans do.
I also get your point that your friend with a height of 5’3 still get married with someone. But over the few years i still cant find girls shorter than me that im interested in, the faces that i find attractive is mostly taller than me.
Im really thankful that you understand my food trauma as i hardly tell anyone about this. This trauma causes me to not have many much appetite on eating, that’s why i dont have many nutrients in me. Most of my friends just know that i eat very slow, they even tell me that if i find a girl i need to find a girl which is also slow at eating to be able to catch my eating pace. They just dont know that i have this swallowing trauma and it really hurts, and also that word lead me into realizing that this causes my short height.
Dear Anita, thank you for researching regarding my 2 problems which is my height and eating problems.
I’m really sure that this eating problem is a factor for my short height, as i believe i actually can reach 5’7 but i did not.
My eating problem i think its not of difficulty swallowing/dysphagia its more of afraid of swallowing/phagophobia i think, because when i was a child i was babysit by a maid and i always refuses to eat but she forces me which results in me vomiting and lead to trauma till today. After that incident i have difficulty eating, i always vomits in eating any food. I only eat porridge when i was a kid. Then at 7 years old someone asks me to try eating a rice with only a small spoon, when i try it im still afraid of swallowing then i try using a water to flush it in and it works. Since till now i always use water to flush the food into my throat, but it will lead me to frequently going to the toilet due to drinking a lot. I’ve done it for 13 years. And i also eat using my front teeth which results in a weird mouth shape will chewing and some of my friends make fun of it. Idk if this phobia can also destroy my hopes in finding a wife, as idk if girls wanna accept me. And also i have a short height. Im so done in getting a wife.
Some of my friends said to me that you dont need to worry as ur parents have money and eventually you’ll get someone to like you. Yes its true my parents have money, our family can be considered “rich” but i still dont believe his words that i can get girls this way.
In june, i’ll graduate and i’ll work at my parents company in which i’ll start at the bottom as an employee. In my parents company all the girls are older than me and im leaving uni so i wont meet anymore girls, im really frustrated as im not good at getting to know girls if i dont meet her daily. I’m also frustrated that just now i walk without any tall sandals/shoes to buy something and i really feel like a dwarf, its like everybody is taller than me even the girls.
And i wanna reply my previous thread regarding to the girl that i’ll meet in the airport, i just found out that she’s taller than me. Lol i really dont know what to do now. It’s like im not given any hope
After reading your advice about two weeks ago, i gain a bit of confident when u said “You are one of many millions of men and women today who are upset about this or that aspect of their bodies. Keep this bigger picture in mind. Look around you and notice other people and how upset so many of them are about their bodies. This will change your I-am-the-only-one perspective”. It really help relieving my upset mindset.
But that confidence broke and im feel upset again as i saw one of my junior which is way much younger than me (like 6 years younger; she’s 14), she’s a girl and she has the same height as me now. I’m really upset as right now i know the fact that most girls around here will always be in the same height as me. When i saw her at the mall i’m taller because im wearing tall shoes (like 3 cm taller). But actually i know that we have the same height. And she went out with lots of girls and all have the same height as her. I’m really down that time that why can’t i have 3 cm more on me, as with only that 3 cm i’ll already have it easier in many aspects of my life. And I also notice that most boys who’s way younger than me are growing taller than me, even the shortest among most boys that i saw will slightly taller than me. I know i should think that many people are upset at their bodies, but its just that most people around here are not concerning of their heights as most of them reach their genders’ average height.
I’m also afraid that when i wear shoes i’ll be slightly taller than average girls, for example my friends. They’ll saw me taller, but im always insecure to go their houses as i’ll have to take off the shoes/sandals. Im also thought about if i have a girlfriend , their parents might not accept me if they saw their daughter going out with same height boy, because majority here and not that short.
I know that me complaining on these are useless. But i just cant heal my mindset, as this is something irreversible and im a person who likes to compare with other person, and i dont wanna lose. When i thought about my height, i have already lost and it really hurt me, as i’m lost on something that is not even my fault. Some of my friends who have shorter parents (even shorter than me) and they are taller than me, most people said that height is according to genetics, and i really cant get it. I even thought that if im in this height i prefer to be born as a woman, maybe this is the reason that im also jealous of that girl that rejected me (the one that i wrote on my previous post). I guess i really need advice for this screwed up mindset haha.
- This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by Felix.
We’re going in the same airplane but not in the same seats, therefore due to my parents and hers are friends that both of our families are most likely to meet before boarding the airplane and if we talk it’ll be both of us standing and she’ll see my height. But i get what you mean that i should think of my advantage instead of disadvantage as its a positive approach to the mindset but its a bit hard as im still not accepting my height.
Women like to be listened to, that is an attractive feature about a man to a whole lot of women. Imagine she is sitting in the airplane with a tall man who doesn’t care about what she is thinking, doesn’t ask.. what good is his height- see my point?
=Yes i get your point, but its not about tall man, its about boys that are taller than her and majority of boys here is taller. I just wanna be the same as them where i at least slightly taller than majority of girls here, i dont demand to be really tall just slightly taller. I know i cant change a think but i relieves me if i keep complaining of how unlucky i am haha, i hope you dont mind. And im sorry if i keep talking about this height matter all over and over again haha as im really a hard headed person regarding my weakness.
Back to talking skills, you can post to me beginning of conversations you had, what a person said to you when you didn’t know what to say in return, and I can suggest to you what you can say in return. You can describe to me this or that situation where you didn’t know what to say, and I can suggest to you what you could say in these situations.
= Thanks, and yep i’ll try this is i need some suggestion regarding situation i didnt know what to say
Btw im gonna talk about another issue, so there’s this girl that i notice in instagram and her appearance attracted me and they way she comments in her feeds shows that she has a friendly personality and kind of my type and her parents is also a friend of my parents but i yet to get to know her because she’s from different highschool and she just got into university now (she’s 2 years younger than me). So on January next year my parents told me that we’re going holiday and they told me that her family is on the same flight as us, and she told me that i will meet their daughter and i should try getting to know each other with her. I feel happy but at the same time im also sad because when i saw her instagram pics i’m sure that she and me has the same height (always troubled with this issue), also in her pics she wears thick sandals casually instead of flat sandals and im really unmotivated because of this and she has a different religion. Other than that also there is this communication skills im lacking. But still when we met later what i really want is to have a good talking with her when we first met later and i’ll try to get close to her by replying her instagram stories.
Dear Anita thank you for always replying me, you’ve help me a lot in improving myself for the better. I’m truly truly thankful to you.
Well besides my height problems that im concern of, it looks like i have found my most crucial problems which is my communication skills as im an introvert. I’m lazy to start a conversation with anyone since i’m a kid and right now every time i meet new people i’ll feel pressured and feel confused in what to reply. Sometimes i reply weirdly because i feel so pressured in talking to new people which cause that person to lose interest in me. As i also have a fierce face it makes it more difficult for people to start a conversation with me. This issue also applies in talking to girls, whenever i see a girl which i find attractive and i dont know her, i’ll feel shy to talk and even shy to look her in the eye so i pretend to not care and start playing with my phone to avoid feeling shy. I feel that i need to get to know the girls first so that i can talk, even though my talking skills are also bad. Idk what i should do to impress girls, as i already have a disadvantage in height and now its communication skills. Most people who first know me they see me as a cold person which actually im not. Im just shy to look at them in the eye and its frustrating for me. Even to start a conversation with girls through text im also shy, im afraid i might sound weird and i ended not texting any girls. Idk what solutions to overcome this problem has been on me for like a decade long.
As for the girl i use to talk about, even though im shy i get to know her because of an accidental chat. In which her friends dare her to chat me that time. And that she texted me first even though its not intentional, in which im confident that time because she’s the one texting me first and i have nothing to lose…. and therefore i ended up liking her for a long time till now.
-most likely it will happen again and maybe it already did, after your last post. Serious concerns such as this do not just disappear. Likely you will be concerned again many times. But don’t be alarmed when that happens. Strong feelings get recorded in our brain and even when we don’t feel them in a particular hour or day, we will feel them again. It is not because we have weak characters, it is because of our animal nature
=yes its true it happened again as just now while im working out i saw that most of the boys are way taller than me and it drops my mood again. I just wish that i can as soon as possible get a partner so that i wont worry about height anymore because most concerns of my height is due to girls turn off when they look at me due to my height.
-“one of her friends describing her .. she’s pretty, kind and she’s a girl who’s getting chased by a lot of boys”- what does it mean to you, that she may be “getting chased by a lot of boys”?
= Here what i mean is that her friend describe her as a girl who is pretty, kind and that most boys are always attracted to her in her looks and her innocent personality (like me who’s attracted). I sometimes feel afraid that someone will get close to her because they are attracted to her looks and personality even though right now im lazy to talk to her and think about her. But there is still this uneasy feeling that someone might wanna get close to her.
Another issue is that sometimes i get jealous of her that she’s born pretty and have that innocent personality that she can attract boys unconsciously and she can even reject them, meanwhile i have it hard in finding a single girl who is attracted to me. Idk if its normal that i feel jealous to an opposite gender.
- This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by Felix.