Menu

Javairia

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #311517

    Javairia
    Participant

    Hi Peggy,

    Yes, if you see the brighter side of the picture, that allows me to re-form myself no matter how many bruises or flaws this self has. To reform into someone who won’t be that unkind to their own self.

    Thank you to you too!

    Regards,

    Javairia

     

    #311167

    Javairia
    Participant

    Hi Peggy,

    Thank you for your reply. I will try my best to deal with those inner feelings and get out of it. I will try to recognize the pattern when that inner child comes out and how am I supposed to react then.

    P.s. the poem you wrote wad very heart touching

    Javairia

    #311165

    Javairia
    Participant

    Hello Little Thinker,

    Thank you very much for the nice words.

    I wish you luck for this new journey and road. I hope you bear the least hardships and get where you want to be in terms, with yourself.

    Yes thank you. I will

    Best Regards,

    Javairia

    #310965

    Javairia
    Participant

    anita,

    Thank you very much. Thank you for listening. I’ll try to be a good one for myself as you mentioned

    I hope you the best too.

    Greetings,

    Javairia

    #310849

    Javairia
    Participant

    anita,

    (Apologies in advance for the poorly structured phrases. I’m not in the mood today to type out so..)
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I actually got to talk with her. She listened to me carefully and also gave me some time in summer breaks having little talks about it. I told her I wanted to see a therapist. She tried to find one for me, but unforunately there are no therapists available in our city. And I alone can’t go to another city for weeks or months for that plus leaving my studies. Her voice told me it can’t be helped.</p>
    Yes I askef her about all that. There were no eligible ways she could find for me. But she is optimistic about hearing from me sometimes. After that she said, ” Javairia, distract yourself for now. It doesn’t make problems into bigger problems. Your parents. You can’t fix it all. Focus on yourself and your future most importantly for now. After 2 years you’d be moving out for uni anyway. So I hope you bear through it until then.”

    After that conversation, time to time I need a friend who would listen to me. Just understand me. I even opened up to 2 of my friends last months. That desire is somehow leaving me question my identity. As to why I’m craving for attention from these people who are not even my frirnds. Or why do I don’t feel good with who are already my friends(including the ones I opened up to). Have I become the worst version of myself, or a hideous monster out of my personality?

    I didn’t post because I’ve been running into these dilemmas. When I crave to just be listened and understood for who I am(i’m sorry i’ve used this phrase a lot for now), it makes me question my identity. “What have I become of myself?” “I don’t recognise myself” everyone would say it’s just part of change. Cheer up! It’s the good part of process. Those responses scare me too. If this change doesn’t feel good then it’s not for me. I’m aware of that. But what else i don’t know the next part. I don’t know then what..

    Anita, thank you so much for your considerate response, and time you put into it. I hope you the best

    Javairia

    #310799

    Javairia
    Participant

    Peggy,

    The “not good enough” has been exactly the phrase I use to beat myself up everytime. But I hope slowly by slowly I’d get better at flicking that inner critic off.

    Congragulations to you being able to overcome that! I would love to read the poem you wrote.

    I, too, hope he gets better. Thank you for the moral support

    Javairia

    #310707

    Javairia
    Participant

    Hello Peggy,

    I checked out the ‘things I like about myself(?)’ just now. And it felt so good reading through people mentioning good things about them. It was very positive and beautiful.

    As you asked. I did my homework:

    1. Understanding. I try to see any good reason or understand the other person’s situation before saying anything mean. (Though, I know I must have hurt a lot of people still)

    2. Caring. I go an extra leap for people I care about (I’m still not very good at taking care of them though)

    3. Enthusiastic. I like doing almost anything. I’m energetic and enthusiastic (ok but I’m a lazy head too)

    Things I enjoy doing:

    1. Painting. I love watercoloring, and painting overall. My most favorite things are painting/ drawing birds and flowers. Art inspires me so much

    2. Origami. An origamist, Jo Nakashima, inspired me to try it 3 years ago and I still love it

    3. Spending time with people I like. Like who doesn’t? It includes animals as well! I have a pet chicken. His name is Backoo. I absolutely love this little boy’s company

    …Actually my brother attempted to commit suicide on 13th Feb this year. I felt so scared and helpless. Maybe that left me thinking I have no friends or such. Although, three of my friends know about my brother doing that. I don’t know why I feel like I have no one to listen to me or understand me.

    But thank you. It was so nice of you to take your time to reply

    Regards,

    Javairia

    #310567

    Javairia
    Participant

    Hi Peggy,

    There was actually an incident at the start of year. That event, probably, left some damage. Although previous traumas have never left me this weak.. i wonder why I couldn’t take this rough trough.

    And no. Sadly there is no friend of mine right now that I don’t feel distant with. It’s not them that are distant, it’s me who feels that I have no one to listen to me or understand me for who I am. I don’t feel good about anyone around me, and it’s not even their fault but mine.

    You’re probably right about me giving out too much and experiencing compassion fatigue. Like I said, it has never happened to me in the toughest of the times ehen I had to burn myself off, but now? Now it leaves me questioning.. why am I being so whiny or weak. Why do I crave this attention for nothing.

    Yeah, I might be too harsh on myself, but I was okay going that way. It’s just getting too hard to go on now

    #310565

    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear Kkasxo,

    Thank you for the reply and reassurance.

    I struggle with loving myself and such, so telling my own self it is okay is quite a difficult job for me. But thank you!

    Best Regrads,

    Javairia

    #310563

    Javairia
    Participant

    Mark,

    Thank you for your time. Like you said, maybe I need time to re-shape into what I want to be.

    Greetings,

    Javairia

     

    #293053

    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Yes thank you a lot

    #293047

    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thank you so much for the talk and listening it all. (Oh and I accidentally reported my own reply, so don’t worry it wasn’t inappropriate.. just wanted to let you know..)

    I got it, I’ll talk to our guidance counselor soon

    Thank you. Bless you

    Have a good life

    Greetings

    #293043

    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thank you so much for the talk and listening it all.

    I got it, I’ll talk to our guidance counselor soon

    Thank you. Bless you

    Have a good life

    Greetings

    #292973

    Javairia
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    No I don’t imitate her aggression. Not at others especially. I know how it feels like to be shouted at and have or witness fights, so I just avoid any little fight or argument ever as possible with others (but I do fight a bit with mother sometimes as every teenager would do). I only have anger issues with myself. I get angry at myself too often and harm myself.

    And I completely got your point you mentioned about my mother not taking consideration of us present through all drama. This was worse because she also kept involving us, making us leave home for days with her more than twice just because their fight got serious at that point. And I’ve also bore the responsibility of ‘good child’ who would support them when they’ll be depressed, who would pick them up first ignoring my own mental health, who would cheer them up no matter how hard it was going inĀ  school or elsewhere, who would always live up to take any responsibility there is to take because my brothers would never do that.

    About living for two years,,, I don’t have enough money or support that would allow me to do that and still continue my education without dad’s support.Next two years are my A level’s years, and then I’m planning to get scholarship to a uni in Canada. I think that time period will give me a relieve from all this. But, is there any way you can tell me that will allow me support myself if I move out already? Please do share it

    And thank you for your time

    #292775

    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear Peter,

    Thank you for the advice.

    I was thinking of having a little talk with our guidance counselor at school. She is the nicest and most trust worthy person I’ve ever met. I’m just afraid that I’ll lose courage to take it out when I get a chance to talk to her…

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)