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JHK

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  • #299783

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    Just to add on, just having a thought that is it suppose to be even though she has forgiven me and I have put away my blame on her, we clear the air, but it is still going to take time and space to heal us because things aren’t on track as it is?

    Because I keep asking nonsensical questions, it got on her nerves and needs space to cool it off?

    #299759

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    It did give me some space but if only I can take one more day away to rest myself up.

    We are still pursing our own happiness, maybe the time isn’t right. I did tell her that I got a crush on her, I believe it started out around this year even though I have know her for 2 years. It was very casual when I told her that I got a crush on her. But I do not know what’s my next step about it.

    Actually, I did read up on our past messages and I did give her space before. So I am not sure is it because of me having a crush on her that clouds my judgement and thoughts?

    I didn’t text her today, how I inferred it that we both do need space and time to heal a little. Because I just feel that we are indirectly avoiding each other, trying not to bring up each other’s name. I have always been the anxious one, trying to rectify matters and get it sort out as soon as possible, but not considering that this was the biggest misunderstand we had. We used to do overtime together but it seems that recently, she is trying to avoid letting me know that she is doing overtime, but I don’t mind whether she did ask me to overtime with her. Even my colleague mention that she used to mention about me often but recently, she is trying to avoid mentioning about me and change topic straight.

    Will trust be compromised? Because we used to share a lot of our personal matters with each other.

     

    • This reply was modified 5 hours, 12 minutes ago by  JHK.
    #299595

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    Maybe I am still having the guilt of the misunderstanding so I keep having this thoughts. But I never focus much on her or perhaps is it because I am focusing and caring for her but I wasn’t aware of it?

    I am the one that is being awkward over here and I wasn’t aware at all. I am foolish. Where is my lack of confidence towards or focusing on?

    I was very surprised that she checked on me this morning when I reported in my work group chat that I am taking leave from work. She privately texted me. I did told her I need some time alone, the message as follows: I woke up and suddenly realise I am tired handling people’s crowd, I need some time alone to sort out my feelings. Everything seems haywire. I need some time.

    Maybe because I had experienced friendship setbacks before, so I am becoming very particular over such matters, be it trivial or major. I just feel that I am being a burden to her in some ways with all these nonsensical words and actions that I did. I told her that I shouldn’t have channel my negative energy on her, draining her.

    By her telling me to take some space, she is trying to give me the message that we both need some time and space? But she is contradicting herself when she said space and time isn’t needed.  Taking space and time isn’t a bad thing in a friendship or relationship?

    She lost her father when she was a teenager, so both of are empathy towards each other. How I view her as she is trying her best to be with me, but she doesn’t know how. So what she does is just to listen, like what I have told her before.

    I do know that I make some very bad decisions.

    I do hope it doesn’t affect us

    But I still like her and I wish something romantically will happen between us

     

    #299563

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    Because I have been figuring out why am I reacting in such an unwelcoming manner, being unjoyful, overthinking, being the most negative and pessimistic person. Because it is my grandpa death, I thought I have sorted out my emotions and feelings, moving on with life without sorting and arranging my own feeling and emotions. It is actually an emotion backpack on me which I wasn’t aware of. That’s why I decided to tell her that it was from the time my grandpa being admitted till his death, I haven’t been able to be myself. I am trying my best. That’s why I apologize to her for all these sagas.

    That’s why when she sees me, she might feel uncomfortable and subconsciously avoiding me and for me because I do not know how to face her thus I am subconsciously avoiding her too.

    When she says you do you, I do me, is it because even though she has forgiven me but she still needs time to heal herself?

    What does it mean when she doesn’t need to know and doesn’t need to forgive me?

    Honestly, I feel even though we clear the air, both of us needs time to heal ourselves because it is by far the worst misunderstanding we ever had, even though she says she is ok, I just feel she isn’t ok about it which I don’t get why she didn’t want to tell me the truth. Because I did tell her that it is better not to left things unsaid. I am actually contradicting myself, telling her to have space but I repeatedly do the same and wrong stuff, going against what I say.

    I need to adhere to it, giving space for both of us. Let her be the one that text or reaches out to me?

    I need to stop all these guilts and stop saying sorry. I need to be the same guy again, pick myself up again, the positive guy again. Even some of my colleagues are saying that they want me to be the cheerful guy again, nowadays I am so gloomy. I need to be empathy towards her. Because I always care for her and she isn’t much of a caring type of person so I cannot expect her to be the same as me. I am too anxious in trying to fix everything when I didn’t take in that space and time is very essential in this. We are suppose to go on a trip next month, I don’t even know if it is going to happened.

    I decided to take leave from work today because I am tired of being in people’ crowd, I need time to sort out myself again, Everything seems haywire. She texted me this morning asking if I didn’t get sleep that’s why I took leave.

    Honestly, is there even a chance for me to mend and repair all these that I have done? even though she said she is ok with it

    • This reply was modified 1 day, 10 hours ago by  JHK.
    #299439

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    Here’s an updated text conversation that we had, I am J and she is Y

    J: From my grandpa admitted into hospital till his death, I haven’t been myself. Negative than positive, bad more than good and pessimistic than optimistic. Overthinking at times, doing all the weird stuff. Sorry for being a burden to you, give both of us some time, I will be myself again.

    Y: take all the time you need

    J: Yeah I know, I have been shitty towards you, me being unjoyful.

    Y: You do you, I do me.

    J: ??? I don’t understand

    Y: Concentrate on yourself, I can take care of myself

    J: Ok, sorry for all these saga

    Y: Meh. I am ok.

    J: you are always ok, even when you aren’t, you will say you are ok

    Y: But it is not affecting my work so I am okay

    J: Can say that I am officially worn out. It is affecting me at work in a way.

    Y: We all can see

    J: Ok, I know you aren’t the type that will say comforting words so it’s ok. Have a good rest, seeya  tomorrow

    Y: Just do you. I am fine, don’t worry about me. Worry about yourself.

    J: I never worry about you. There is nothing to worry about. If only I got enough leave to take from work.

    Y: just be okay?

    J: You? You referring to yourself?

    Y: To you

    J: if only it is that easy, I know you can listen but you are tired but also coping. I shall end it here. Bye. Good night.

    J: Anyway, hows your tendon?

    Y: Getting better

    J: That’s good, no more hunchback

    J: Anyway good night

    Y: Good night

    J: Sorry send wrong but it’s ok. Good night

     

     

    #299427

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    Is it because we were suppose to take space but I still send her a text?

    But my colleagues told me that she is tired of people, what does that mean?

    #299423

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    Because I am asking unjoyful question, when looking at me will remind her of the unjoyfulness thus causing tension between us.

    The result between us isn’t good, she seems to be less talkative with me too. We used to have lots to talk about.

    My grandpa stayed with me for more than 20 years, he witnessed my every milestone. I am very shaken thus very sensitive towards mentally and emotionally.

    Anyway, I send a text message, the last one and I will be taking space from her

    Here’s goes:

    Actually I am tired of asking those questions, I believe you are even tired than me. I know what is past is past and shouldn’t be brought out.

    Don’t want to have things left unsaid or clear

    Because I hope nothing will affect or change anything between us

    I promise I won’t ask you such questions again. Second promise to you

    #299419

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    Am I the unjoyful or my questions are unjoyful for her?

    The insecurity is a torture, I have never feel so insecure with her before. Because it is emotional topic and I keep asking is because she has the tendency of not facing a problem when there is, leaving it to worsen sometimes.

    I agree, it is having one questions being answered only to lead to a whole new question.

    I need to start reading on how to improve myself emotionally and mentally, perhaps it is because of my grandpa death that leads me to be overly sensitive to everything.

    We use to be so positive and always eager looking forward to each other… now things seems to be so different

    #299413

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    I agree that I shouldn’t be doing that. But my curiosity has gotten me to do it. Because after we clear the air, I just feel that something is missing between us.

    I think time and space is the best way for us to heal each other. I am the annoying person at this point, keep repeat the same questions. I did apologise for asking it.

    I understand because our communication is always so heavy in content, very draining so I should change my perspective on it? I think that’s the reason why she doesn’t want to mention about me much as used to because it is considered to be unjoyful?

    I used to be positive. I am quite disappointed that both of us are at this stage of friendship, things used to be so good.

    Could it be I am paranoid or perhaps insecure?

    I am probably the worst crush for her

    • This reply was modified 2 days, 5 hours ago by  JHK.
    #299409

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    I agreed. Maybe I will just drop a text at the end of the week.

    I saw her at work and just asked if she is actually avoiding because I feel it is. Because I am not sure is it because of my confession that makes the friendship a little awkward.

    Even my colleague also said that we used to be so close but nowadays we hardly talk to each other.

    Because we are both exhausted and drained, so perhaps taking some space from each other slowly.

    It feels so surreal because she is doesn’t often communicate out the problem we have.

    #299379

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    I am considering to just drop a text at the end of the week actually.

    I feel that we have been indirectly avoiding each other somehow, minimising our contacts with each other.

    #299365

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    Not getting in touch is the same to give space?

    I am actually feeling good not giving her a text today

    I am considering to just drop a text maybe few days or perhaps next week, is it appropriate to do so?

    #299351

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    Can I put in words that it has past so just let it be?

    I do feel guilty because it feels bad hurting someone when my intention isn’t meant to be in that way.

    Is my overthinking affecting the friendship in any manner?

    I don’t know if I should pursue her because I do like her. But I feel that I am piling up a lot of pressure on both of us.

    Actually I did not text or even get in touch with her today.

    #299341

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    I totally agree! That’s why I told her that I find myself to be weird sending you text even though I told her that we need space.I couldn’t figure out why she say she doesn’t need space, so the whole situation feels weird. I think I feel so attached to her that I am always curious of how is she doing.

    I did told her that texting her because I don’t want this friendship to feel disconnected I am not sure why but it seems that we are both avoiding each other somehow. It is like we never approach each other much as we used to. Verified by a colleague because she also notice it.

    I did told her that after clearing our misunderstanding, everything feels so rush and it is my fault that when she say she need to stay away, I should have given us a few days of space because everything feels so rush. That leads me to have the thought of having space and time to heal each other.

    she did feel very bad about it and I do not want to blame it on her. She did explain to me her reason why she couldn’t be with me.

    I don’t always have such situation with a friend so I tend to feel very guilty about it. I am so focus on her that I overthink a lot.

    But I don’t understand why is she very calm about me having a crush on her. I thought most girls will be awkward about it. But I did told her that let’s just be normal about it.

    I send her a tweet about an article and she read it but didn’t reply. I am being calm about it. I feel that we have a lot of things left unsaid and I do want to understand how is she feeling about it.

    • This reply was modified 3 days, 6 hours ago by  JHK.
    #299307

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Michelle

    I am very close with my grandpa.

    I find it redundant that I actually send text to her again. That’s why I find the whole conversation to be very weird. It is going against what I said to her. It is just I want to summarise up what it is.

    Because crush is always one sided unless feelings changes.

    I have a very bad thing in me, I am always feeling guilty over things even though the matter is closed. It feels like a bad point for me and girls might feel it as being a turn off.

    • This reply was modified 3 days, 19 hours ago by  JHK.
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 88 total)