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Laika

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  • #341644
    Laika
    Participant

    Waouw Thank you Anita and Valora, Definitely an eye opener when it comes to what both of you wrote.

    I don’t really know what to say other than that both of you are right. It would definitely feel as if I was cheapening myself and he have been pretty understanding the other few times.

    #334147
    Laika
    Participant

    First one was Dec 5, second one dec 27 and last one 16 january, so we have been on 3.

    He did initiate the other ones with me initiating this last one, he got a daughter that is 2 years old that he has every other week, meaning we don’t meet during that time, would be too soon. My guess it that would be the reason we dont meet more often.

    #334117
    Laika
    Participant

    Little update:

    We basically ended up heading to my place, we picked up some food in the city and went home and basically spent the night talking and playing games with him talking with my dad from time to time, (they’re both into football and my dad was watching a match), he left after around 6 hours and we talked about meeting up again which we did 2 days ago with me initiating the date since he had talking about wanting to watch the new star wars movie, we met there since he had to drop off his daughter and he drove me home afterwards despite me saying he could drop me off at the train station in the city he live (it’s 15 mins from mine) but insisted since he wanted to make sure I arrived home safely, when we were saying bye he basically got out of the car and we would stand outside talking for 15 mins or so with him coming over to me hugging me twice for several minutes and then asking when we could meet again and to let him know if I started to feel awkward for hugging that long since he was enjoying it.

    I basically suggested february (Indoor gokart arena opens there) since his birthday is next weekend so figured he’d be busy but said he wanted to meet up before and jokingly asked if I had a lot of other guys so I would be busy meeting them, (didn’t respond to this) basically said that we should  figure something out and I would love to meet him again. He messaged me around 20 mins later after he got home hinting that he had hoped we  had kissed but that both of us had been too shy to initiate that and said he couldnt wait for us to meet again..

    Now my question is.. It’s saturday now, but haven’t really heard from him, I went to a concert last night so was busy and he is going out tonight, so makes sense. But I guess I am wondering if I should now let him initiate the next meetup/fourth date since I did it with the last one and feel a bit worried about coming off to strong if he turns out not to be interested.

    #329245
    Laika
    Participant

    Hello Anita, just wanted to update you..

    We basically went on a date, with him messaging me, he basically picked me up at the train station and we went to a sushi restaurant to eat.  (We had jokingly made a bet before this where he said that since I lost then I could pay for the food) he ended up paying despite me jokingly asking “Wasn’t I supposed to  be the one paying?” after that he basically drove me back home and got to meet the dogs outside quickly before he left.. He messaged me quickly after the date.

    But my question now is that we’ve decided to basically meet up again this upcoming friday between christmas and new year and he suggested that we go pick up some food and then head home to my place so he could meet the dogs again and play a card game together, since we have been teasing each other about who would win in it etc. I feel it’ll be a bit fast to go to my place and a bit awkward since i live at home with my dad and sis, so explained that to him..  Now I’m just wondering if there is any other place that we’d be able to actually play that game together without it being at my place?

    #325039
    Laika
    Participant

    Yeah, will definitely do that.. had thought of telling him how I feel but basically that I Know he might not neccesarily feel the same way, but just wanted to get it off of my chest so I can move on.

    But yea, what you said above could definitely be an option, i’ll consider that.

    #325021
    Laika
    Participant

    He basically told me that his dad used to beat him if he didn’t perform as good as his dad wanted him to and would often tell him he is grounded which makes him have a bit of anxiety when it comes to presentations and such.

    He basically said that only his family know about it including his psychologist and 2 of his best friends.

    #227003
    Laika
    Participant

    Yeah, you could be right about that Anita, just feel so confused and I am not sure on what to do really..

    I’m debatting on whether I should leave the relationship and work on myself more as I don’t feel as happy now as I was in the beginning of our relationship.

    #226827
    Laika
    Participant

    Dear Anita, Thank you for your reply a few days ago, I have not been on the computer for the past few days.

    I wanted to ask you something..

    In my past relationship before this (was a long distance relationship aswell) in the end of our relationship I found myself getting more annoyed aswell and found myself distancing myself from him, which eventually led to us breaking up since I felt I did not love him anymore and he just was not treating me right (Before this he visited me and I just found myself crying when he left really badly and we broke up around 2 months or so later).  But I feel like some of the things are similar now, such as me getting annoyed and that I distance myself from my current partner, I’m just wondering if it’s in fact me finding the distance extremely tough and hard to deal with any longer.. Been over 1 month maybe 2 where I’ve felt this way now.

    – Laika

    #226207
    Laika
    Participant

    Dear Anita, thought I would show you what we talked about today when it came down to our expectations for each other and copy paste it here.

    (His expectations)
    Keep a nice looking body as you do now.
    Keep on being smart.
    Not give up on our relationship.
    To keep being the nice kind person i fell in love with .
    To be patient with everything that comes your way.
    To keep your health up and strong.
    To talk to me more bout problems you have or may have in the future .
    To let me know if your not sure about something .
    I really hope to god you stay faithful and true to me and only me .
    I would really like for you to be more open with me in the sexual department i know your shy
    and its cute but i hope that sometimes you put the shy aside and just be as free and open minded as you want,
    not all the time just some times .
    I want you and i to be together living and working together on building a great home for our future
    with a great environment like your family and i being close and you close to mine .

    (My Expectations) 
    1- You’re faithful
    2- You’re honest
    3- That he is open and tell me what is wrong so I don’t feel like I need to read his mind
    4- That we compliment each other and help each other improve and grow
    5- That you don’t joke around about girls to try and make me jealous
    6- That you respect my decision and support them
    7- That I can trust you if you tell me you are going to do something
    or we decide to spend a night together just us
    8- That we give each other space when it is needed
    9- That you have goals in life
    10- That you tell me if I did something that upset you instead of holding it in or forgetting about it
    11- That you are willing to show a bit of interest sometimes in things that I find interesting
    12- That you care for your health and get a checkup if you feel something is up
    13- That you want to sometimes go on a vacation somewhere to relax
    14- That you tell me if you would prefer something during sex or want to try something new
    15- That we both try earn money for our future together.
    16- That you show interest in being together with my family and walk the dogs with me.

    How we think we can keep our expectations for each other: That we keep communicating with each other and that we’re open about things, that we listen to each other,
    that he tries to get a job now and save up money, and I try to be more open when it comes to being intimate together.
    (Not a major problem he says and it won’t stop him from liking me)
    That we’re both saving up money for him to be able to come here in the future once he got a job as well of course.

    – Laika

    #226093
    Laika
    Participant

    Dear Anita, I saw your post, thank you for posting again to make sure I noticed it!

    I do agree with what you said in your post about it being easy to say those words, but at the same time I can’t help but believe in the words he says.

    I might also be a bit naive when it comes to what people say or what guys tell me, since I easily believe their words, I’ve been wondering myself if I rushed into this relationship maybe too fast after a breakup, whereas, I’ve never really been alone for that long ever since I was 13-14 y/o, by this I mean that I often fell for someone again shortly after, which mean I never really tried to actually just be “me” I guess and I went through a difficult breakup with “emotional” abuse, where I never felt good enough.

    I do want to try the expectation part that you mentioned, I know I really love this man and I do feel that he’s different from my previous relationship.

    – Laika

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Laika.
    #226057
    Laika
    Participant

    Thank you Mark, Coconut and Anita for your comments.

    He’s going to call them tomorrow and get an appointment to get his ID done and then once he get his ID he’ll start to do something, so I will wait and see what happens and I will trust him with this.

    I’ll try and do what you suggested either later or tomorrow since neither one of us is home tonight, thank you Anita.

    – Laika

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Laika.
    #225943
    Laika
    Participant

    Hi Inky, thank you for your reply.

    I do understand what you mean when you put it this way.

    I don’t want to control my partner and I want him to do what makes him happy.

    But I feel that if you truly want to spend the future with someone and you are already 30 y/o you would try and make an effort to make that happen one day with your partner if you tell her often you want to marry her, she’s the only one, you don’t know what to do without her, etc.

    I’ve spoken with him and I know the distance is tough for both of us, but when he also tells me he do not enjoy staying at home because he feel they keep nagging at him and are often negative and want to move, then I would hope he would try to do something to get away. He told me that if his mom would not pay for the ID this upcoming Tuesday if I would then lend him the money to go get one done, which I promised him that I would help him with.

    I get that I might come off at the one “Harping” on him, but if he make me promises and say things like he wants to get married and have kids then my expectations for him will just also be that I want him to make an effort for it to one day be possible for us.

    – Laika

    #225929
    Laika
    Participant

    Dear Anita, I want to make sure that I understand it completely, do you want me to make a list of expectations of myself and of him for our relationship, or do you want my boyfriend and I to make a list together?

     

    – Laika

    Ps. I hope you have a good break and I am very grateful for your answers.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Laika.
    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Laika.
    #225897
    Laika
    Participant

    Dear Anita, Firstly I want to thank you for your thoughtful replies, it means a lot.

    I know I care for this man a lot and I so badly wish he would try harder, but I’m also wondering if it’s unfair of me to say that I don’t want to wait any longer, when its been 3-4 weeks since we talked, even though I notice that it reached a point where it’s something that can make me cry.

    But at the same time, if I do decide to stay, I’m confused as to what my expectations should be and how I can avoid going back to my old habits where I am now and end up feel annoyed again and let it out on him.

    -Laika

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Laika.
    #225891
    Laika
    Participant

    Dear Anita, that could very much be the truth, I do feel that it is frustrating for me and that I would prefer us living together, but at the same time I’m torn..
    I find that even when we are together at his place (He live together with his mom, little brother and sister) I can get frustrated with him, since he wants to decide how much food I need to eat and he won’t let me decide myself, I’m frustrated since he told me from the beginning we started going out that he would look for a job, but only now he is showing me a little bit of progress and it just bothered me that I had to pay for almost everything unless his mom gave him a little bit of money, there’s just several things that are starting to bother me, including that he sits down all day playing video games instead of writing a CV and sending it out to people, I just honestly don’t like the person I am becoming since I feel that it is unfair to him.

    It’s just hard for me to control this when I feel that I don’t see him trying “enough”, I myself am currently trying to finish my education and try to save money for us to be together in the future, but I just don’t see that he tries the same and he wants it as much as I do, even if he do say that.

    – Laika

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