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Felix

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  • #380706
    Felix
    Participant

    Useless conversation in my opinion. I am sorry I actually posted anything. It seems that people revert 100% to “what about the men”….. If you read my original post, I said that both men and women can be bad, but men tend to be mad on face value and women are two faced. It’s a fact, ask most women in the work force and they will tell you that they trust men more than they trust women.

    Yes, I do want to find the middle ground, but I am not sure that’s possible because of this specific type of excuse that’s used by women or white knights (men who always defend women no matter what).

    If a man is wrong, then it’s his fault

    If a woman is wrong, it’s because the man did something and he needs to apologize.

    Look at the low marriage rates. Look at the record divorce rate. Look at what men are writing on Quora and Reddit about their struggles with finding love and how any time a man says anything about this subject, they are automatically labeled as misogynists, as incels, as this as that.

    I just want to see some real case examples where women stand up for men. Where women stand up for family values. Where women say to other women, stop destroying men. Record number of men are “self eliminating” these days. I don’t want to use the other word. Check out the Gillette commercial where men are being told they are TOXIC just for being men. I know I am being very general, but there is a point to that. When I see a girl at a coffeeshop or anywhere else, I can’t introduce myself to her. She is has been brainwashed to think that meeting someone like that is BAAAAD. But that’s how people meet. It’s common to hear from women “I don’t owe you my time”. WTH? A guy just came up to her to say Hello and may be have a conversation with her. But this happens all the time. How in the world can I find the middle ground when the swing is tiled all the way to insanity? I am not sure shy guy who is afraid to talk to girls. Ive had plenty of gfs and been married 8 years. But society has changed so much that men are walking away. Men do not trust women. Women cheat more than men could ever dream of. They actually passed laws in France that it’s not legal to do paternity tests because it may upset the balance of the family. Just another excuse for a woman to cheat and then not give the man the option to know that this child is not his. This is about me, but it’s not just about me. Everything is connected and the fact that it’s happening in most western societies, it relates to what’s happening with me. I have ZERO problems meeting Russian girls from the motherland because we all grew up there and had different values. We valued family and had equality before feminists destroys family structures in the West. My point is that I don’t know if I can find the middle ground because the swing has been tilted too far. Sorry if I am rambling, but this is the most upsetting subject of my life. I’ve known to many guys who have been destroyed by women and who had lost their lives because of these women.

    #380704
    Felix
    Participant

    We got divorced because we didn’t work on our problems. I was too depressed and stressed and she was too infantile and irrational. We could have made it work, but at that point it was too late. But the reason we were together in the first place is because she wasn’t like the other women. She lived in a different country when we met and didn’t want to move to LA. I didn’t want to move to her country. But we loved each other and made it work. I did more than a typical person would do to be with someone. I made sure that we were together because she was worth it. That’s how I was raised by my grandparents. My mom divorced my dad as soon as I was born and found someone who had status and money (considering it was USSR). So that’s why I don’t fully trust my mom even though she is a very good person, she still put her own ambitions over her husband and son a the time. Hence why my grandparents raised me, so you see where my insecurities come from. But they are not limited to that moment in time. This has been a repeating and self fulfilling prophecy of seeing women use men to branch us. As I said, not my observation. Feel free to check out YouTube channels that speak on this. These are not some women hating men. Just regular guys that have been put through hell by women, courts, the whole system.

    My opinion of women has changed a lot since my divorce and may be some time before. Some of my ex-wife’s friends were putting toxic thoughts in her mind about the situation we were in. This is where the belief of any woman, even the most decent one, that can turn into a monster, comes from. Many men have had this exact experience. I’ll be as clear as day light and as honest as I can be, – Not all women are bad, not all women cheat, not all women are like that, but any woman, even the most decent one, can be like that if it is advantageous to her. Men are simply not like that. A man can be a total a%%hole, but then we all know that he is an a$$hole for life. Women can be the sweetest angels, but then destroy your life. My uncle gave my aunt the world. She had everything, he slaved away, gave her two beautiful kids, money, house, travel, love, care, everything, and then she dumped him for some loser who made her tingle in the tummy, took all his money, his house, business, and eventually his life. Sorry, but not sorry. I am not bringing up based on hate, but based on life.

    #380699
    Felix
    Participant

    I am sorry if I sound like an old man, but I believe you marry someone you love. When you are with someone you truly love all the money problems do not go away, but when you love someone you find a way to survive because you love them and are willing to do whatever it takes to make things work. Call me old fashioned, but I can only imagine the insanity that will ensue if I say that I won’t marry a woman because she is poor. Is he poor because he is a lazy bum who doesn’t want to work or because he didn’t have a chance to make something of his life? May be he is a good person and you could actually help him be more than he is now. Try not to be so shallow. I assume you are not from US, so it’s probably different culture, etc., but in US women do this a lot and are often alone living with cats, angry at all men. I see this daily. I am not being rude, I am being honest. There is a concept in modern culture known as Hypergamy. In simple terms, it’s when women are with men who make less money than they do they are unhappy and the relationships don’t survive. I find that to be really sad. Again, call me old fashioned, but relationships should be based on love, emotions, feelings, common interests, not the amount of money you have in your bank account. I get it that it’s different for men vs. women, and cultures are different, but you have ONE life. If you care about someone, who cares how much they are worth?

    PS. All cultures are different and I get it that your culture requires you to consult and even ask permission from parents, but your parents are not going to be around forever. When they are gone and you are alone, are you going to blame them that you didn’t take a chance on someone you loved? IMHO, our parents can give us advice and tell us what to do all that want. And I listen to my parents, but I am not 12, 18, or even 22. I am a grown man and while I will always listen to what my parents say, the decisions I make are my own.

    Try to think outside the box. It’s actually very simple. Do you care about this poor guy or not?

    #379953
    Felix
    Participant

    Hi guys. Thanks for all your input. I read the last two replies, but I am going to wrap it up and will not reply anymore. I’ve had a week from hell and I don’t feel well. My dog has a serious illness. I had some unfortunate turns in my job search. Had to reschedule my exams. Have kidney pain. And my parents are monsters. I am checking out of feeling sorry for myself and trying to figure things out. I am done, don’t care anymore. Just going to take care of what is broken and try to survive this. Thank you very very very much for all your advice. You cannot begin to understand how much I appreciate it. I’ll be back, in other threads, soon enough. Bye

    #379882
    Felix
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: center;”>I don’t fully agree on the filter issue. You’re on the right path, but it’s not exactly correct because you don’t know my past. Before we came to the United States, I actually grew up with my grandparents who were the most decent people in the world. They showed me love and I am here because of them, and it was both on my mom‘s side and on my dad’s side. Most of them are dead by now, except my grandma, but they are the ones who showed me that there are good people in the world and that the world is not this horrible place. And in regards to my parents, they weren’t looking at the world like it’s a bad dark place, they just didn’t care about me. So my filter about the world is not because of my parents. There is a filter that is skewing my perception of the world and my parents had some part to play in it because they ignored me and didn’t show love, and didn’t help me to build my future, but I’m not a little boy anymore. I want to stand up on my own. I am being my own parent right now, I am trying to look past the filter, I am trying to be a little bit more open minded, but living in Los Angeles I am forced to literally ignore so many negative things because I’m very perceptive and I’m very empathic and I just get overwhelmed with all the bad things that are happening around us. There is a group on Reddit about people who are fed up with working away and slaving for some greedy corporations, and I posted something there about my past two months experience of looking for work. So many people identified with me and were so moved by what I said that I almost started crying myself. My friends look at me like I’m crazy when I say that I would rather live in socialist country or even go back to communist Soviet union than to have to live in this corporate America were greed is everything and humanity is nothing. It’s very rough for me because I want to find a middle ground. I refused a number of jobs, but I can’t just continue declining job offers because they don’t fit everything on my checklist. It’s just very hard because IT requires in general overtime and weekend work, and I simply will not do that. I will not more than then 40 hours per week. I am staying optimistic. I am stressed beyond belief, but I am optimistic because, 1st. I am just letting info because I realize that so many things are not up to me. And 2nd. I am doing what l can in my part to improve things that it’s dumb to punish myself. And 3rd. I am going to enjoy spending time with my dog, my friends, and I don’t give a crap anymore about the world in terms of the news and who hates who. I am going to enjoy nature and riding my bike and hopefully meeting good people.</p>

    #379785
    Felix
    Participant

    Hi TeaK,

    That was an incredible reply on your behalf. You are right that there are many contradictions in what I believe vs. what I write vs. what I do, etc. Humans are walking contradictions. I am trying to stick to my morals. I was offered a job that would have paid almost 40 grand more than I made previous. Totally insane money. More than doctors or lawyers make. It was with a financial powerhouse. Some sort of an investment company. I rejected the offer after a few hours of self reflection. I won’t get into the details, but it just wasn’t worth it for me. I am not doing any of this to prove anything to anyone. I am doing this so I can have a better life in the near and far future. I was born in USSR and we did not have to worry about what happens tomorrow. My parents, now or when I was a kid, would not help me. If I don’t take care of myself, if I don’t get paid enough money, if I don’t study my a%% off, I’ll be in trouble. That’s the world we live in and not my perception of the world. I get it and I appreciate your breakdown of the personality thing. I am not sure I fully understand it, but I get it. And you’re probably right. But I live in this terrible reality (terrible in a sense of the reality of capitalism, competition, greed, etc.) and I don’t know what else to do. The reason I am studying is to have a better tomorrow, meaning make enough money (not a lot, just enough) to live comfortably and be able to save for retirement. It’s not because I want to, but because I have to. I do like technology and I enjoy studying so I can take these exams. I am not studying and hating every second of it. Not at all. It’s just that it’s harder at my age of 43 than when I was 23. I rejected 3 jobs offers because one of them was too low in terms of salary, one was too far and I am not ever going to stand in soul sucking traffic for over an hour each way, and one because it would mean I had to work for a soulless corporations who just wants to make money regardless of anything and I would have to service, like a bootlicker, these C level execs and be their slave. Not enough money in the world to make me do that. So I am sticking to my guns. I am not giving in and going against my gut feeling. But as I said, the world is unforgiving. I can’t simply reject every single offer because it doesn’t match my expectations 100%. That world does’t exist. If I could find a job that would decent, not a lot, but decent where I wouldn’t stress and have shorter working hours, and not have to sit in traffic, I would in a second switch from IT to something else. I’ve prayed and meditated on this for years and nothing came to mind. Not one thing. I realized that at this point I have no other choice, at least I don’t see any other choices, but to pursue this career path and simply try to find a company where people are more important than profit. I know that’s a pipe dream, but I know there are decent companies out there and I will NEVER work for another evil company again. No amount of money will make me do that. Yes, my parents are ignorant and it hurts me that they think I should take this high paying job because they have no worldly view of what’s good or bad on that level. They just see the narrow goals of profit and all that jazz.

    It’s been a very tough week, but I am not depressed, sad, or dejected. I have pain in the kidneys. I am sure it’s nothing serious, but it’s still bothering me. My dog hurt his back and that was super stressful. I had a tone of interviews and my first exam is coming up next week, but I had to reschedule because this week was just a little too much. I am struggling, but I am not giving up. I will never give up. I just wish that there was some, just a little tiny bit, of good news. I would settle for a compliment from a stranger or an old friend calling me to reconnect or hearing that my parents are doing better than before. Just anything that’s positive would help me. But it’s mostly been the other way around. I know the Universe doesn’t conspire against anyone, even though it feels like it sometimes, but what the hell is this? Why am going through all this? When does it end? I am ready for death. Not as in I want to die, but as in I am not afraid of anything anymore. Whatever happens, happens, Que sera, sera. I am letting everything go as if it’s the best decision at the time. if I didn’t accept the job, it’s the best decision at the moment. If I am rejecting something or someone, it’s the best decision at the moment. But I can’t deny how exhausted emotionally I am at the moment. I am hoping to take a small vacation after my first exam and before I start working (after I get hired obviously).

    Have a great day and may all good things come to good people (and bad people too I guess). May we all be free from the suffering of this world.

    #379572
    Felix
    Participant

    Hi all. I am going to wrap it up. I appreciate all the advice. I wish I had more time, but I have an important exam in a week and I am interviewing a lot, so I have to prep for them. I don’t have much time to mull this over at this point. I am on autopilot, whether I like or not (and I don’t), but I have’t found anything else that could pay the bills and afford me a decent life style, so I have to learn, learn, learn. For the next 18-24 months I will be learning a lot of new technology and not just memorizing it, but actually understand it and implementing it. I am hoping that it will help me become a really good IT pro who makes crazy money. It’s not about the money, it’s about proving to myself that I can, it’s about proving to others that I can, it’s about not having to worry about money, it’s about being able to have a life style that will allow me to travel and eventually work remotely. Until then I have to study 24/7. I am not sure how it will all end up. I might die, I might succeed, I might go crazy from being lonely, but I am not going to give up my dream of becoming a total IT pro with many different technologies. And whatever else happens, I’ll deal with then. I am throwing in the towel for all the bad stuff and good stuff, and just concentrating on studying, health, self compassion, and my friends and family (those who actually deserve it).

    Thank you again for all the advice. I will be posting\asking more questions in other subjects, so you won’t miss me too much.

    #378878
    Felix
    Participant

    PS. I am def grateful for everything that did go right, the problem is that I simply do not feel well because things not being terrible isn’t good enough anymore. I am actually missing good things like physical contact, going out, spending time with friends, intimacy, celebrations with family, and other things. Food seems to bring me happiness, but that’s a fake emotion as in it only makes me feel bad afterwards because I am trying to eat healthy and lose more weight. Anyway. It is what it is. Que sera, sera

    #378877
    Felix
    Participant

    I am trying. Everyday. Well, most days. I was so tired that I took today from doing anything. I am just feeling the pressure and I feel like I am going to crack soon. I have 6 interviews in the next 4 work days and I am terrified to bomb every single one of them. I am not bad at what I do, but these companies are looking for geniuses. This is causing so much anxiety. I am feeling like I am literally going to have a breakdown and kill myself. No, I am not suicidal at all. It’s not that. I’ve never been suicidal or had thoughts about taking my own life. It’s more of the idea that I would rather be dead than deal with all this. I am at the lowest point of my life now. Many others would snap and take their own lives, but I am still here. I am just overwhelmed because I am going through everything on my own. But yeah, I do have a good plan. I’ll eventually get hired. I’ll eventually get my exams done. I’ll eventually start to feel better. But until then I have to survive somehow. Not sure how, to be very honest with you, but I don’t really have any other choices at this moment in time.

    #378770
    Felix
    Participant

    Hi Peter. No, you and others have been very helpful. I am not where I want to be, but my mind is clearer and more focused\centered. I am still very stressed about my job search, my lack of social interaction, lack of love and intimacy, and many other things, but I am learning to detach myself from all of it. What matters is what I am doing right now. Right now, I am writing this reply and I am fully immersed in it. I am giving 100% to this process and everything else that happened or might happen is not relevant. I am going to the gym right after this and I am going to be there, present, 100% and nothing else matters. Then I am going to study and while I am studying, not my job, not my parents, not anything else will matter. That is something I am learning to do. It’s helping my anxiety and depression. I am just so stressed out from how nasty the world has gotten, from personal problems to the number of homeless and crime in LA, to realizing that family and friends are not always as they seem, it’s just a very heavy elephant sitting me and I can’t always support his weight. But I haven’t given up. I haven’t ever given up.

    #378297
    Felix
    Participant

    Hey all. Sorry for delay. I’ve been busy. I’ve been beyond busy. I barely have time to shower. Studying, interviewing, and bunch of other stuff.

    1. Yes, I did watch that movie. It’s OK, but a little too simple. I live in the real world and this real world is killing me

    2. I want to accept my self, totally accept myself as I am and fully embrace my current situation. But then I am interviewing with these awful corporatists who are very smart, but have no souls and decency. After each interview I am so tired that I feel like I just ran a marathon. I literally disconnected from a video interview today because the moron made me run live simulations in how to address a problem. I don’t do technical interviews. They are absolutely silly. So I am beyond exhausted. I wish there was something else I could where I could make decent money. I love technology, but corporate capitalism is a cancer.

    3. I am all about Wu-Wei, Zen, and whatever else is there that helps me go with the flow. But as I mentioned above, corporatists and landlords and this western culture doesn’t care about any of my problems. I don’t know where to find the balance. Where do I find the strength while holding on to sanity. I don’t know. Words from the wise are amazing and help me find love and inspiration, but then I go back to the real world that is unforgiving, cold, brutal, and much worse. It’s torturing me. I don’t mind studying for next 18 months to get to where I want to be, but I am not sure I can survive the soulless existence of the corporate world. And believe me, if there was an alternative, I’d do it. I literally don’t know what else to do other than go drive a truck.

    #377557
    Felix
    Participant

    I agree. I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t mean the universe. I meant this reality. Not my reality, but the one that surrounds our current culture, world, situation. There are plenty positive and well intentioned homeless people who do not send out negative vibes into the universe and yet they are homeless and desperate. I just don’t want to end up there. I just meant that no matter what the world throws at me, I will not give up because I do in fact want to believe that there is some sort of balance to the universe. It can’t all be bad, it can’t all be just so random. I am die hard atheist, but that doesn’t I don’t accept the idea of things we do not understand. I simply refuse to see it as some playground for a higher being. When kids die around the world from hunger and whatever, those who are religious give excuses that God has a purpose for everyone and there is a reason for a young child’s suffering. I reject that world view and I reject a universe that punishes us for something or other. But I do not reject a cruel world that we live in because I am not blind and I refuse to wear rose colored glasses. I can’t change the world, but I can try to change myself and be good to others. That’s all I can do. That’s what I’ve done most of my life. Unfortunately, I did not work on myself or love myself. I will continue trying to be a light to others and help where I can, but I have to start with my self. And yes, that includes being positive in terms of the Universal playground that we are all on and the reality of the cold world that will stomp into nothingness if you let it. I don’t see any other path. I don’t have rich parents, I am not a hippy who can live in a bus. I want a safe life in terms of not stressing about every little thing that will require hard work and some basic luck. I can’t ask for anything else.

    #377546
    Felix
    Participant

    As hard as it is for me to be optimistic, I am trying. One day at a time. There are ups and downs. I am on the down right now, but I am not giving up. If the Universe wants to take me out and make me give up, it will have to kill me.

    #377540
    Felix
    Participant

    I am def trying to find a place in a good and sustainable organization. One of the reasons I loved my last job was the company, its culture, the people, and how I was treated. I loved it. But I am not 25 with a Masters degree with from UCLA. I am 43 and I think it’s much harder now. I am interviewing a lot and I am glad I didn’t get those jobs. It’s sad, but I am glad, because I know I would not have been happy there. But I live in a world where if you don’t work, you don’t have a home, or food, or car, or anything. I need to make sure I am not too idealistic. I will compromise, but to a point. It’s not all up to me, in fact most of it is not up to me. I am asking the universe to help me find something, but I am not expecting anything.

    #377533
    Felix
    Participant

    Yes, very soulless corporations all around. I don’t have much of a choice. I am interviewing and because I work in IT, the bulk of the jobs that pay decent are all in corporate America. If I knew how to do almost anything else, I would leave IT and corporate America, but it’s my bread and butter. I don’t have any other skills that will pay the bills. I am therefore trying to find a job at a good company. I like non-profit or smaller organizations that work with services instead of trying to sell a product. It’s not easy and the competition is killer. I am very anxious about this. I’ve been searching for 2 months already and each interview drains me completely. Expectations are high, everyone must know everything, and I think the greed is what turns me off about it, but I live in the real world. It’s time for big boy pants and to be serious about it. I am not punishing myself, but I am also being realistic.

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