Forum Replies Created
April 26, 2018 at 12:24 pm #204377
You are welcome.
I understand your concern about not wanting to alienate Sue. It makes sense to protect your daughter's roommate situation by not alienating the mother of your daughter's roommate.
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 12:18 pm #204375
It's been three months but you saw him two weeks ago. Two weeks ago is more recent than three months. And you've been hoping only a few days ago, maybe still? Got to stop hoping for the healing to proceed.
When you stop hoping, healing will proceed, your numbness will evaporate and you will feel excited again.
What is the state of your hoping, are you hoping for that relationship in December to resume?
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 10:50 am #204293
I would like to understand better, therefore I ask:
You wrote, “i'm desperate” – desperate to resume the long distance relationship with him?
The title of your thread is “I'm bipolar and he left me”, but according to your share you left him and kept the long distance relationship broken through five months of him pleading with you to get back together. How/ when did he leave you?
April 26, 2018 at 10:40 am #204291
- This reply was modified 6 hours, 54 minutes ago by anita.
You asked if you are getting over him or being just stuck. I think both: you are getting over him and within this process of getting over him you are temporarily stuck in the numb phase. At times of intense emotions, the brain/ body protects itself from that intensity by going numb. It eases the pain, on one hand, and on the other, it decreases and even eliminates, temporarily, previous excitement, hopes, dreams and motivations.
Be patient with this process of getting over him. Give it time, don't try to rush it (that will prolong what you want to end, the numbness) .
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 10:12 am #204287
You are welcome and thank you for the sentiment and good wish. I too wish you well and I will be glad to read from you anytime.
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 10:10 am #204285
You mentioned that you feel guilt and regret regarding the relationship with this man, a relationship that was ended last year. You feel fear and lots of emotional pain regarding the terminated pregnancy and your future as a hoped for mother.
Quite overwhelmed with fear, hurt, sadness. I do hope you feel better soon. Very soon.
It might help you if you share about what happened in the relationship last year, what brought about the ending of it. And how is it that it did not end completely (hence the Jan pregnancy). I will read attentively and reply.
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 9:57 am #204277
I hope you give yourself the break that you need. Be gentle with yourself, be patient. And when you feel that you have been so very patient and can't be patient anymore… practice more patience.
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 8:42 am #204269
You wrote: “I really honestly do love myself. I've grown so much. I am not who I used to be.”
There is nothing like a new intimate relationship to challenge our growth and to bring back the way we used to be. Emotional attachment brings about old fears and it can be overwhelming.
This is why if you do choose to meet this man, better take it very, very slowly. Let him know this. If you meet him at all.
If you do, get to know him as a friend, aim perhaps at three months (you decide, of course) of friendship only, nothing more. Let him know, see if he agrees, if he is interested in friendship only for this or that amount of time, to be re-evaluated later.
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 8:24 am #204267
It is a good thing, that you worked so hard and made huge progress. Huge progress is a very good thing, a .. huge thing, really.
What is the work in front of you now, specifically, other than praying?
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 8:18 am #204261
You wrote: “I know if I take him back, it will be a nightmare. I will feel wrong about myself every time he looks at me”- this is enough of a reason to not resume the relationship (and to cancel the plans to share an apartment in 15 days).
It doesn't matter if his longing for a certain body type is expressed only when he uses drugs, or if what context. What matters is that he expressed this longing already, repeatedly and this longing is well registered in your brain. And so, like you wrote, you will feel wrong about yourself every time he looks at you.
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 7:46 am #204247
You are welcome and thank you for your kind words.
I hope to read more from you on this thread (and elsewhere); I would like to know about what happens next.
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 7:20 am #204235
What a lovely post! Thank you for posting it, for the good wishes. It is good to read the progress in your life. What's new with me, you asked: your post is what is new with me this very moment and it is delightful.
You wrote: “I don't want to be like everyone else. I wanna be me! It is so liberating!”-
I am glad you are you.
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 7:02 am #204225
Reads to me that you enjoy the interaction with her and you want it to continue. It feels good. Sometimes it feels bad and you don't want it. But when it feels good, you want it.
Being guided solely by one's feeling is not a good way to live one's life. Got to balance feelings and logic, the emotional and the rational.
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 6:55 am #204223
You are very welcome.
Yes, “one step at a time…deal with what is going on now and not too far in the future.”
And when you find yourself “panic and overthink and worry”, the moment you notice this has happening, calm yourself best you can, take in a few slow breaths. It is difficult to do this, tiring, to do this again and again… and yet again, but over time it will get easier.
Calm yourself best you can every time and “deal with what is going on now”.
Post again, anytime. I am interested in communicating with you for however long you would like.
anitaApril 26, 2018 at 6:46 am #204215
You wrote: “I really want to feel loved by a girl, but her love is bad for my mental health.”
And you indicated clearly that it is up to her whether to harm your mental health or help your mental health. If she chooses to continue her behavior then your mental health will be harmed. If she chooses to stop her behavior, then your mental health will improve.
- This reply was modified 11 hours, 1 minute ago by anita.