But at the same i regret not doing these earlier because of  my low self esteem issues. I started doing all these am in my early thirties. I never thought about doing these things in my twenties. Thats the biggest regret in my life. Feels like anxiety/ocd has robbed so many things that i am capable of doing.

<p style=”text-align: left;”>For me my comfort zone is just sitting in front of my computer and minding my own business. Thats what i do everyday. Few months ago i told my manager that i want to work on something that is more interesting and challenging. He tried to assign me some work but that just faded off after a while. I have another teammate who does all the interesting work so he takes care of that now. Then my manger told me to get back to the work that i am doing previously. The application that i am working on is supposed to go live this august. I waited so eagerly for this day but they postponed it to April. Once the users start using the application  i will have to work on the fixing the issues faced by them in the application(more like IT support). I thought that would be some what interesting and involves more interaction. But they postponed the go live till april. Till then i dont have anything to do. So i feel like i am wasting my time by being in this project.</p>

Lol..But i  always believe that a good  partner at home  and a great manager at office really makes your life easy. At the same time i want to grow in my career as i already took a career break of 6 years after coming to us.I dont know i am bit confused. I feel like i am wasting my time at work doing nothing. I finish my work in 2 hrs and the rest of the day i sit idle.

I started going to therapy. Luckily i found a therapist who understands how religious OCD works. He has really helped me on how to deal with  my ocd thoughts and sit with the anxiety. It has really made a lot of difference in my life.

Hey Anita,

Are you back ?

Thanks for you response Tee. I agree with what you said. I have zero self esteem and confidence in myself. That’s the reason why I get triggered a lot. I don’t know where do I  start . I tell myself that I am good enough but that doesn’t seem to work. I don’t know how to fix the root cause. I go to therapist for my religious OCD and the ERP seems to be working .But my therapist is focusing right now on ERP rather than on the root cause that is not feeling good enough. When I asked him about why I am getting triggered by people/religion blah blah he tells me it might due to genetics.

<p style=”text-align: left;”>Thanks again for your response Tee. Anita did tell me about this inner child work in our previous conversations. Also sometimes i think i expect people to do things in my way. I expected my friend to apologize because i would have apologized if i have been in her situation. My brain was like she should have apologized to you but she ignored you. I just couldnt stop thinking  and told my friend A whats going on in my mind. I told her the food was wasted and how she priortized her cousin over me disrespecting my efforts blah blah. She told me that it was never her intention to waste the food and she apologized. she also told me that it was 27 hr flight  journey with her kid and she was exhausted. I understood her and accepted her apology. Do you think i overreacted ? I dont know why i hate being ignored. Last time same thing happened one of my friends ignored me and didnt invite to her party. I reacted the same way. I got anxious and couldnt sleep. I just cant take it when somebody ignores me. Do you think feeling ignored is also core wound ?</p>