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zenith

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 204 total)
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  • #422263
    zenith
    Participant

    Yeah.. That makes sense.My OCD keeps taking me to my past/ future instead of enjoying present moment which i always prayed for. Anyways thanks for your time. I appreciate it. Hope you have a good rest of your day.

    #422260
    zenith
    Participant

    But at the same i regret not doing these earlier because of  my low self esteem issues. I started doing all these am in my early thirties. I never thought about doing these things in my twenties. Thats the biggest regret in my life. Feels like anxiety/ocd has robbed so many things that i am capable of doing.

    #422259
    zenith
    Participant

    Yeah. I know i always feel proud of myself how far i came inspite of my anxiety/ocd. In the past few years i learnt driving, embraced motherhood, learnt cooking, trying to overcome my ocd then landed a new job.  May be i will talk to my manager and see what he says. I can stay in the same job till i find new one. I have to learn new technology this time and switch to another job thats the only solution.

    #422257
    zenith
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>For me my comfort zone is just sitting in front of my computer and minding my own business. Thats what i do everyday. Few months ago i told my manager that i want to work on something that is more interesting and challenging. He tried to assign me some work but that just faded off after a while. I have another teammate who does all the interesting work so he takes care of that now. Then my manger told me to get back to the work that i am doing previously. The application that i am working on is supposed to go live this august. I waited so eagerly for this day but they postponed it to April. Once the users start using the application  i will have to work on the fixing the issues faced by them in the application(more like IT support). I thought that would be some what interesting and involves more interaction. But they postponed the go live till april. Till then i dont have anything to do. So i feel like i am wasting my time by being in this project.</p>

    #422247
    zenith
    Participant

    Hey Anita!! Good Morning. I feel the opposite. I feel like OCD is stopping me to achieve what I want. I have social anxiety at work . I am hesitant to talk to my teammates. Fearing that they would judge my English as they all are American’s inspite of them being so nice to me. Its been an year I don’t have any friends at office. I freeze during my meetings when I talk. So I want to step out of my comfort zone and face all my fears. In my current job I don’t have the opportunity to face my fears as my job is to just prepare user training material(I am into Tech). I feel like I am much more capable of just typing the word document. Its just I don’t have the confidence to showcase my skills. I see so many woman around me who are managers and more confident.

    #422230
    zenith
    Participant

    Lol..But i  always believe that a good  partner at home  and a great manager at office really makes your life easy. At the same time i want to grow in my career as i already took a career break of 6 years after coming to us.I dont know i am bit confused. I feel like i am wasting my time at work doing nothing. I finish my work in 2 hrs and the rest of the day i sit idle.

    #422228
    zenith
    Participant

    I started seeing since january. You even guided on how to to find the right ocd therapist at that time. I used to go once in a week. When i started getting better i went once every other week. I stopped seeing him since august as he told me that i am better at handling these so he told me to come back whenever i have anxiety. This august I completed one year in my job. My manager and team is great.No drama and no bullshit but the work is not challenging at all. I am scared to find another job because i am worried that i would never find such a great manager that i have in my current job.

    #422226
    zenith
    Participant

    I started going to therapy. Luckily i found a therapist who understands how religious OCD works. He has really helped me on how to deal with  my ocd thoughts and sit with the anxiety. It has really made a lot of difference in my life.

    #422220
    zenith
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Welcome back 😀!! I am doing great. How are you doing ? Good to see you on this forum after such a long time. I always login just to see if you are back. I just logged in today to check if you are back.There you go!! I hope you are doing good mentally.</p>

    #422218
    zenith
    Participant

    Hey Anita,

    Are you back ?

    #417622
    zenith
    Participant

    That sounds good. I remember Anita telling me all about the inner child work. I should start working on it. Anyways thanks for your time. I am doing good now. I spoke with my friend and she apologized to me. She told me that  was never her intention to waste food and she was also tired due to the 24hr long journey with her kiddo. I understood that it was unintentional and I forgave her.

    #417437
    zenith
    Participant

    Thanks for you response Tee. I agree with what you said. I have zero self esteem and confidence in myself. That’s the reason why I get triggered a lot. I don’t know where do I  start . I tell myself that I am good enough but that doesn’t seem to work. I don’t know how to fix the root cause. I go to therapist for my religious OCD and the ERP seems to be working .But my therapist is focusing right now on ERP rather than on the root cause that is not feeling good enough. When I asked him about why I am getting triggered by people/religion blah blah he tells me it might due to genetics.

    #417413
    zenith
    Participant

    Thanks for your response Tee. Yeah what you said is right. I should stop pleasing others. But its really hard for me to shake off this behavior. When it comes to my mil i feel so guilty because in india a woman is always taught to listen to husband/in laws after marriage.  I dont even stand up for myself when she judges me . Before marriage i used to stop talking/avoiding people when they used to judge me. Now i cant avoid her and i have to learn to stand up for myself.  A woman who raises her voice is labelled as rude. It takes lot strength to ignore these judgements and be yourself at the same time. Anyways she doesnt stay with us now. She was here for few months on vacation and went back to India. I have to unlearn lot of behaviors that has been taught. It gives me anxiety when i go against these behaviors.

    #417409
    zenith
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Thanks again for your response Tee. Anita did tell me about this inner child work in our previous conversations. Also sometimes i think i expect people to do things in my way. I expected my friend to apologize because i would have apologized if i have been in her situation. My brain was like she should have apologized to you but she ignored you. I just couldnt stop thinking  and told my friend A whats going on in my mind. I told her the food was wasted and how she priortized her cousin over me disrespecting my efforts blah blah. She told me that it was never her intention to waste the food and she apologized. she also told me that it was 27 hr flight  journey with her kid and she was exhausted. I understood her and accepted her apology. Do you think i overreacted ? I dont know why i hate being ignored. Last time same thing happened one of my friends ignored me and didnt invite to her party. I reacted the same way. I got anxious and couldnt sleep. I just cant take it when somebody ignores me. Do you think feeling ignored is also core wound ?</p>

    #417403
    zenith
    Participant

    I am not an expert but it seems like you have relationship anxiety /ocd. You have to start trusting yourself and your partner. You have to accept the fact that whatever happens beyond that is not under your control.  I am going to therapy for my ocd/anxiety. My therapist told me that these thoughts/obsessions are not under your control. The way you react is under you control. I understand how it feels these thoughts become so obsessive. Recently i have had thoughts of losing my partner. They were so obsessive that it made so anxious . I said  to myself/ocd let it happen.Whatever may happen i will be fine. People with ocd always look for certainity or want things to be under thier control. So you have start trusting yourself and accept the uncertainity.some things are beyond your control. i know its hard to accept the worst case scenario. But the ocd always latches on what ifs.You might have posted her pic online.How your friends going to react is not under your control. May be try talking to your partner about your insecurities. If you dont work on your obsessive thinking then Ocd might latch on some other decisions that you make.Ocd stems from not feeling good enough.  So thats the reason you will always feel insecure no matter what. start working on yourself. Find a therpist who knows ERP.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 204 total)