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zenith

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Viewing 15 posts - 136 through 150 (of 304 total)
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  • in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #413516
    zenith
    Participant

    Thanks for your kind words Anita!!

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #413454
    zenith
    Participant

    Thanks for input Anita.I am thinking in the same way like you said not obsessing about future.Thinking about things i can do to be finaciallly independent.Thats true i cant even find a ocd therapist in India.The therapist that i met is really good.During our last appointmnet he listed out all the obsessive thought/fears and the compulsions that i am doing.Slowly he wants me sit with those fears one by one.He also told me that i overcame so many themes by myself.Instead of beginner level treatment he would start with a bit advanced level.I felt so proud so myself how far i have come.I overcame some of the themes,I learnt driving,I overcame my social anxiety,I got a job.I never thought i am capable of all these things.

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #413449
    zenith
    Participant

    I wish i never came to US in first place.I like how a woman is treated here.People dont judge you based upon your dress.Nobody cares about your life.People are very intrusive in India when it comes to your personal life.The only pro i can think of going to back to India is staying close to my in laws and my parents.I cant even cook what i want in my laws house it everything will done according to husbands wish.I have to live like a stranger.Sorry for ranting.I just cant stop thinking about this.

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #413448
    zenith
    Participant

    You know how many sacrifices it takes in a marriage to keep it going.Then for my daughter.Now i have to sacrifice my career and wishes for the sake of my in laws.I even feel selfish for thinking about myself this time.

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #413446
    zenith
    Participant

    Hey Anita!!How are you ? Yesterday me and my  husband were talking about moving back to India after few years.The idea of moving back to india always scares me.I have to stay with my in laws.I dont like the way i will be treated by them or the way woman is treated in general.Sometimes i feel like my husband doesnt think about me when it comes to his parents.When we got married in 2015.My career was going well.Then eventually we have to leave india  because he got a project in USA.I recently got a job now.I am doing well in my career.I feel like staying in USA.Now he wants to go back because he wants to take care of his parents.I feel like i have no say in this one.I am on his dependent visa and i cant stay here if he goes back to India.I eventually have to go back.When it comes to his parents he doesnt think about how i feel.I hate being  dependant on him.In india a woman is never taught how to be financially dependent especially my parents.Beacuse of my anxiety my career was a disaster in India.Now i am trying to overcome my anxiety and trying to concentrate on my career.I am finanicially and emotionally dependant on him.I dont know what to do in this case.

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #413130
    zenith
    Participant

    Thanks for your reply Anita. I just emailed my therapist asking about his availability this week and waiting for him to respond. Then I will start seeing him once in a week.

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #413124
    zenith
    Participant

    Hey Anita,

    Happy New Year!!My 2023 started with an anxiety attack 🙁 . I had an appointment with my therapist in person. It went well. I told him my whole story. Then he spoke about how ERP works. It actually went pretty well. He is the first therapist who spoke about ERP in much detail and understand how these OCD thoughts work and all other stuff. He told me to schedule therapy with him once in a week. The problem is I work from 9-5. I am not sure if my manger would be okay if I leave early for therapy once in a week. I was doing good after the appointment. Then on 31st we had a new year party at my friends home. We were playing poker and having fun. I got back home and then started having racing thoughts that I am a bad Muslim for playing poker as it is not allowed in my religion. I wasn’t playing for money. It was fun just playing with friends. But still the voice in my head pops up saying  I am such a bad Muslim. I calmed myself down and slept. Then yesterday night I don’t know why I could sleep at all. My heart started racing and just slept for 3 hrs. I got bonus at work and received appreciation messages from my managers, but still I am not happy because of my OCD. It sucks.

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #411800
    zenith
    Participant

    yeah death is certain. But what happens after death is uncertain to me. I will talk about this to therapist on my Thursday’s appointment. Thanks for your time. I appreciate it. You have a good day.

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #411796
    zenith
    Participant

    Yes it doesn’t calm the fear of death due to fear of hell.  May be I don’t want to figure to what happens after death. I will lead my life according to values and try to accept the uncertainty, which is the hardest part  for me to do.

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #411791
    zenith
    Participant

    ** I  don’t trust myself so I am unable to change my beliefs**

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #411790
    zenith
    Participant

    During childhood, I was told by my neighbors that god will punish us in hell if we don’t follow his commands. Sometimes I do believe that God isn’t selfish like humans. He will forgive everybody in the afterlife. But then the  teachings taught during childhood pop up in mind. Also I believe that people are so selfish that they might have changed the religion altogether. I  don’t trust myself so I am able to change my beliefs. You don’t even believe in after life ?

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #411786
    zenith
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I lost my grandmother(Fathers mother) who stays in India. I am mourning her loss. Its bringing me all the good and bad memories. In the past i did tell you how she treated my mother.She did have anger issues. And then my OCD triggers in. I get thoughts like what if she will go to hell and all that stuff. This OCD wont even let me mourn the loss of my grand mother peacefully. She gave me so many good memories at the same time. She was good to us. I just wanted to share how i am feeling.

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #411729
    zenith
    Participant

    Sure.Thanks for your help.I am always grateful for you for reading all that stuff i post here.I will go through the thread to read you suggestions.

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #411723
    zenith
    Participant

    What do i do untill the.How do i calm myself when these obsessive thoughts pop in ? I miss my old self like how i was when i got married in 2015 i didnt care about how i looked.I put on weight at that time.I didnt care about how i looked or religion anything.I was authentically myself.Sometimes i feel like why i god punishing me.

    in reply to: How to accept my flaws and be myself #411720
    zenith
    Participant

    I dont know why everything feels like a trigger for me.My mind is having all these obsessive thoughts for the past one week.I have scheduled an appointment with a ocd therapist on 15th.He doesnt sponsor my insurance.Lets see how it goes.

Viewing 15 posts - 136 through 150 (of 304 total)