Forum Replies Created
April 29, 2019 at 3:16 pm #291785
It’s like you’ve been on my mind. For months now, I get so emotionally charged, bitter and angry about the ways of the world. Why do people hurt their fellow people? Why do they lie, cheat, steal, murder, discriminate, torture…? Many whys and no becauses.
But do the reasons and the answers truly matter? Is anything going to change? I think not. Not because I am a pessimist, but because this absence of emotion, morality or empathy is the coping mechanism of our species. In your case, these doctors are real people, with real feelings. Imagine allowing yourself be open to vulnerability and be in such a profession. It’s like carring the cross of the world on your shoulders. Attaching ones self with the other persons suffering, is only going to amplify this suffering on both sides. And the work needed to be done to heal such suffering would be blocked and thus not manifested.
In other words, if I cry with my sister whenever she cries because she is hurt, I don’t help her. True, comfort is a helping hand, but if I really want to help, I have to be collected and focus on the solution to the issue.
That’s for detachment and again, if only issued as a means to achieve a higher purpose. Not as an excuse to avoid a situation. Kindness however is so absent that I have to marvel with you and observe how human history “criminalized” it gradually, to the point where you’re either a fool to practice it, or old fashioned.
In my own personal journey, kindness served me well, but also is a burden and a torture I have to endure when I freely gift it to undeserving individuals. And maybe that’s why society is in it’s majority unkind. Because rejection is the ultimate fear, be kind is an unwanted risk, no one wants to gamble on.
Peace to youApril 20, 2019 at 3:28 pm #290005
Dear Jay Jay,
Oh my God , I’m deeply touched and happy to hear that I cheered you up! That’s the amazing part about this site that I love, we get to communicate and make a contribution, however small may be, to someone’s day or even life!
Indeed, I left the past be just that, past. Now I broke free. Truly. Still need to work on my personal issues and heal myself from the roots, but at last, some peace of mind. Come to think about it, I’m actually a bit proud of not answering him. It was a big step for me and an even bigger step away from my past version of me.
I really do hope I see you on another post here! Keep your smile shining and you head focused on your present JayJay!!!!
?☺️April 20, 2019 at 3:21 pm #290003
Standards are personal of course and I’m not here to judge yours, of course not… But you saying “I just want to know he’s thinking of me sometimes” vibrates as a very low self esteem /worth statement. You deserve to feel loved and admired all the time. Do you want to follow through and explain to me what the real needs/qualities a guy should fi for you ?
I’d like to get more deep with you on that. KissesApril 17, 2019 at 5:52 am #289409
I’ve been there. So I can 100% understand the feeling you are trying to communicate here.
Could you give us more details about your current job, education relationship status etc? Maybe we can find the stressors behind your “paranoia”.April 16, 2019 at 3:02 pm #289349
Oooh, I just feel like hugging you reading all of this! It’s evident that you went through so much trauma and stress for an extended period of time and that can cause significant damage to your emotional and physical body, so be careful dear.
Like anita said, RUN FORREST RUN. Seriously remove yourself from this abusive, narcissistic mother forever. I would definitely recommend seing a therapist. You gotta open up, release all this built up negativity you had to burry all these years and suffer alone. It’s do relieving you go to another country! Congratulations, a new chapter is being born!
If I may ask, what do you think caused you to feel unworthy, your mother’s behavior towards you, or that she was (if at all) better with your siblings, so the comparison?April 16, 2019 at 2:44 pm #289347
It seems like S is the perfect scapegoat in your mind right now. Often we try to make a connection though separation. Allow me to explain : by you blaming her (because of her looks, behavior, attitude etc) , he is somehow absolved of of choosing her instead of you. And that’s not the case at all. It’s a distraction your mind uses in order to escape the stress and the trauma of realizing the facts. Deep down (and truly not so deep) you know it that he is just a complete @$$hole, a womanizer, a player, a joke.
Neither S, nor you are any bad. If she indeed craves attention, take it like it is. S has her own demons, maybe complexes derived from childhood, a broken home, an absent father, that’s why she craves it from men. You are strong. We all are if we choose to. It’s so great that you made that appointment with the therapist.
Don’t be discouraged because ONE man isn’t into you. He’s not the world. He’s mortal. Let him be and let yourself be better. Peace and loveApril 16, 2019 at 2:33 pm #289341
Good evening Mark!
I have blocked him from eveything. He text my through my phone number. That, sadly, I can’t block.
The funny part is that when we were together, there was never any activity of his popping on my fb feed, like with any other friends. It was only when I searched :photos liked by (name insert here) that I was finding his likes on photos, ALL girl photos. Turns out he had me on the “Restricted List”. And now he will beg my pardon as I ignore him 😉
Thank you Mark for your help!April 16, 2019 at 2:25 pm #289335
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Dear Anita,</p>
I’m so thrilled to be back and somewhat healed! And so happy you have answered! Your advices helped me so much throughout this process…
No, he was not. And he NEVER apologized for any of that. Not even in this birthday text. These references to my old post you mentioned helped me remember and ground myself to what is the reality of this man. He was a complete j3rk and has rightfully earned my apathy.Because we as people seem to bypass when time passes. That’s why I took the decision, for once in my life and in particular with him, to let go of my taboos and free myself. I take it as an exercise, part of the training to be my best version. It’s all about start treating me right. Can’t be a forever doormat.
Hugs to you!!! <3
April 16, 2019 at 5:37 am #289227
- This reply was modified 1 month ago by Sofioula.
Hahaha you’re awesome, you made me laugh so much! Bless you for that. It’s true, we don’t have to always be polite. It’s destructive some times. At least for me. Fear of missing out is what I need to work on. And many more things!
Thank you for replying, I loved it ❤️April 16, 2019 at 5:31 am #289225
First of all, I send you a big hug for all the pain and frustration you are going through…Been there myself.
Secondly, YOU ARE MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU THINK! Trust me on this. Those manipulating, narcissistic people think they can put us down. No honey, they are wrong. And you are the living proof of that. Who is he anyway is he God? Is he a president? Is he flawless? Process that for a bit. He’s a pure nobody. Move on.
You have closure by seeing how immature and unfitting he is for you. But I also agree with Mark. Write a letter and burn it. Hope you log again and inform us about how you feel dear xoxoxApril 16, 2019 at 5:22 am #289221
It seems you never get some “time off” for yourself and really get some introspection. Having a wide circle of people, although really admirable and fun, it can give you a sense that everyone can be easily replaced in your life. Here’s what I mean : I know that if I break up with her because it’s so easy to find someone knew due to my contacts. Maybe internally, subconsciously that’s why you wrong people that you care deeply about.
Also, getting some alone time can help you meditate, pray, think things clearly without any interference. Do please consider going on a mini vacation if possible, or starting a new hobby. It helped me a lot. Namaste ?February 7, 2019 at 4:36 am #279127
This boyfriend is not confused, or in a dilemma. He doesn’t love you. He likes and cares for you maybe but this is not love. I’m deeply sorry if I sound harsh or hurt your feelings. The last thing I want is that. But it’s the truth. He’s leaving you behimd the moment his ex returns, an ex he only saw 3 times in his lifetime, over you, a dedicated partner with whom I imagine spend a lot of time and has a lot of memories with. That says a lot.
No person leaves a person they love guessing or feeling confused, neglected, abandoned. I think I agree with Mark in the sense that you are the back up gf. Don’t underestimate yourself. I wouldn’t give him any time of second life. You love him right? So you would answer me Yes. Imagine him being asked that. Would his immediate response be yes? Or I don’t know it’s complicated my ex coming changed things etc.
My suggestion is to analyze it with yourself. What do you want? What do you need? Say you get back together and the ex onces again returns or moves back for good. What do you imagine as a possible scenario for you? Are you gonna gamble everytime on what that man feels? What about your feelings?
You have to put yourself first. If you’re not his 1 priority and only girl in his heart and mind then that is not a real partnership it’s passing time together. And if you were to continue with him, you would see him drift apart, or have so many unsolvable problems down the road. Trust in you. Don’t settle for so little. Don’t wait for his attention or breadcrumbs. It’s gonna tire you and drain you both emotionally and physically.February 6, 2019 at 4:09 pm #279059
It’s exactly as you said. Me, I was dreaming of a loving, caring and loyal man, wearing my pink glasses, bypassing all the signs just to avoid waking up and missing my dream. You see, my parents (bless the both they are incredible people) always had admiration for young girls who 1.had completed their studies 2.had a steady job 3.had a social circle with friends etc 4.had a boyfriend. They call it a person who “found their way in life” .
So I always aspired to become that. To alleviate the burdens of my folks worrying about me, to make them admire me and steal a little bit of their focus, as my sister was and is their main preoccupation. She is explosive, a bit narcissistic and will get her way, and my parents had a hard time, so little me thought oh let’s be the exact opposite, the obedient one, the selfless in order to be a priority. Only now I realize, not only that was covert selfish, egocentric, but also I suppress so much of me, I don’t know me.
Anyhow, coming to the “dear” ex… No, come to think of it, it would be a problem even if he was a loving man for me to still give my all to him. I came to believe that you shouldn’t give yourself over to anyone. Partnership is 2 people walking side by side, not one sitting on the other back. I was a doormat and he was emotionally unavailable, totally wtong for me and any future together. It was a blessing to have unmasked him. Even after 1 year.
I hope and believe in that dream. They dream is as you said, what I tried to please. Now, I’ll try and please me for a change. They dream shall manifest when the circumstances allow it. It couldn’t in the past. Let’s hope for the future. All I can do is live now.
Thank you so very very much for your replies They always help me unlock and unfold so many aspects of my situation. Like Socrates you ask the perfect questions! ❤️February 3, 2019 at 3:39 am #278331
Good evening Valora,
Sticking with the now and the present moment definitely helps. And it is as you said, sticking with the process and trusting it. It will pay off eventually. That’s why mantras, affirmations and prayers are prescribed to be repeated daily. It do this all the time. The fake it till you make it if you will. Brainwashing positively ones mind can change the whole life.
I’m empathizing with your break up. It’s not easy. But what is after all? Even gibing birth is painful, working out is painful, laughing uncontrollably is painful. So even positive things are painful. Life walks on an upright road, as the Greek poet Yiannis Ritsos said. Meaning tge struggles and determination needed to walk that upright road. But that’s how it is. I find acceptance helps a lot.February 3, 2019 at 3:32 am #278329
Reading your reply put a big smile on my face! So amazing to see you are on the other side of the fence, happy and strong. It gives me comfort for my own experience as well. Things have sure changed since I wrote this topic. I’m much healthier and happier now. I’m trying to tame my mind, ego and my codependency. It’s been good thus far..
I’ll be sure to search for those books although here in Greece it’s taking a long time to ship. I’m currently reading The subtle art of not giving a f*ck and it’s a real gem. I recommend it!!!
The “I want” mantra totally helps. For me an emotionally restricted person to the wills and wants of others can be a real blessing. My other daily mantra is “The best is coming”. Because for us who have hit rock bottom, the only way is up.
Thank you so much for the reply I wish you all the joy and I’m sending you positive vibes ❤️