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Search Results for "How to Stop Being a Victim of Your Own Expectations" — 43 posts

Develop Self-Confidence: 7 Lies You Need to Stop Telling Yourself

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“Be honest with yourself, and you will find the motivation to do what you advise others to do.” ~Vince Poscente

What if you could only tell—and more importantly, only believe—the truth? Not the half-truth, the white lies, or the other grey in between, but the pure, beautiful, and unadulterated truth.

If I had to pick one super power, it would be to know the liars from the truth-tellers. I would walk around in public places, eavesdrop on conversations, and know immediately if someone is lying or being honest.

I would go to social events and exercise my super power …

9 Things I Would Tell My Younger Self to Help Her Change Her Life

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“You are one decision away from a completely different life.” ~Mel Robbins

At twenty-six years old, I lost my dad to suicide. I was heartbroken and so angry.

My dad was not the best. Ever since I was little, he would criticize everything I did. I was never good enough for him, and I was a place he discharged his anger through emotional insults.

It never stopped, and I was always on high alert around him. Right until the moment he took his life.

He could also be loving, kind, funny, and warm, but my nervous system could never …

How I Saved Myself by Surrendering When Everything Fell Apart

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“And here you are, living despite it all.” ~Rupi Kaur

“I surrender!” I said this mantra out loud as my life was spiraling out of control.

I had spent a summer in college as a camp counselor separated from my fiancé. He sent me no letters and did not keep in touch. Still, I held on. By the time I came back home, we were broken. I had also realized he was emotionally abusing me. It took that separation to make me see it.

I realized I had been truly alone in the relationship. I was never lonelier than …

7 Things You Need to Know If You’re Going Through a Painful Breakup

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Last year my uncle died shortly after someone I love went through a pretty traumatic breakup. I love all my family, but I wasn’t really close to my uncle and didn’t know him all that well, so I was more grieving for my mother and aunt than myself.

As I bore witness to the deep pain around me, I started thinking about the expectations we often hold of people when grieving a breakup, as opposed to grieving a death. We often expect them to feel sad for a while and then just get over it. Because the person didn’t die, …

Tips from a Former Addict: How I Made a Change for Good

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I was a drug addict. Yes, I did it all. No, my childhood was not full of abuse, I was actually a pretty lucky kid, and I had it no worse and no better than anyone else, except for maybe some “daddy issues.”

I am not much for blame. I know who was smoking, sniffing, and popping, and it wasn’t the bad angel on my shoulder who made me do it, it was just me.

I can give you the exact reason why I started doing drugs. I was afraid to just be myself, simple enough. Everyone else’s thoughts …

10 Things I’ve Let Go and How This Has Set Me Free

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“I do not fix problems. I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves.” ~ Louise Hay

Looking back on my life, I came to understand that perfection was my worst enemy. I was raised in an environment of high expectation, and every day in school felt like I was competing with others and fighting to be the best in class.

At the age of ten I believed I was stupid just because my brain couldn’t work out physics and math. I was good with literature, arts, and foreign languages, but that wasn’t a sign of brilliance in the Eastern-European …

How to Avoid Emotional Burnout This Holiday Season

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Whether you celebrate or not, the holiday season can be stressful for many reasons. From experiencing difficult emotions like grief, anger, or resentment that seem to resurface out or nowhere, to the pressures of making everything perfect for everyone, there’s a lot of opportunity for emotional burnout.

I’m no stranger to painful emotions re-emerging around this time of the year. Christmas used to trigger in me the feelings of loneliness and guilt for years, following my move across the country and away from my family and friends.

Moving was a conscious choice my husband and I made soon after …

Seeking Outside Approval Is Giving Our Power Away

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“When you do not seek or need approval, you are at your most powerful.” ~Caroline Myss

Back in the winter of 2012, I was devastated by a sudden near-deaf experience (90% hearing loss), which led me to a dead end in my IT career.

“You’ve been overworked. Rest is the only way to recuperate,” said every single doctor.

Leaving my corporate sales job left me feeling like a total failure.

I felt lost, confused, and frustrated as darkness swallowed my self-esteem.

“Why did you have to work so hard and not get the credit you deserved?!” 

“Is deafness all …

What to Do When the World Doesn’t Get You

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“Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” ~Pema Chödrön

For as long as I can remember, I have always been a little different, defiantly so.

I was that child who never liked cartoons. I was nicknamed “the little old lady” for the things I said at the age of five.

I was that girl from northern Vietnam who refused to change her accent and use of language while schooling in the south, despite being made a subject of ridicule for that.

I was the only pupil that felt indignant about having analyses of literature imposed on us at …

Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life (Book Giveaway)

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Update – The winners for this giveaway are:

  • simpleshoes
  • twylapopcorn

When life doesn’t meet our expectations, it can devastate our sense of security, threaten our self-esteem, and leave us feeling lost, scared, and out of control. I know—I’ve been there quite a few times before.

Like the time I moved across the country to live with a man I’d met online just a month prior, only to recognize nine months later that we were two broken people who were toxic together.

Or the time I got involved with a multi-level marketing company, thinking I’d be a huge success, only to …

50 Mindful Steps to Self-Esteem (Interview & Book Giveaway)

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Update: The winners for this giveaway have been chosen. They are: Julie C. Perry and GoBubbles1.

Growing up, we learn innumerable things about how the world works and how we’re supposed to fit within it, but not all of us learn to recognize our own worth.

In fact, many of us learn the exact opposite—that we’re not worthy, not good enough, fundamentally lacking, inferior to others, and maybe even a disappointment to those who expected so much from us.

Perhaps more troubling, we may not even realize we believe these things. And if we do develop that awareness, we …

5 Crippling Lies About Forgiveness (and the Truths That Set You Free)

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“Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim.” ~C.R. Strahan

It’s not fair, is it?

Getting hurt. All over again.

It wasn’t so bad forgiving them the first time. You rose to the occasion. You became the bigger person. You tried to move on.

You thought you had to. After all, they did ask nicely.

You just knew you’d be BFFs again and go right back to, “Let’s go for Jamba Juice!”

But it didn’t go down like that, did it?…

Releasing Negative Beliefs: How Letting Go Sets Us Free

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“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” ~Andre Gide

I have walked on water.

The frozen wasteland known as Chicago had kept me inside, wary of the intense cold that was breaking records that particularly frigid winter. But after interminable snow days, I began to feel like a caged animal that needed to break free.

I woke early one morning, overcome with the urgent need to connect to something living, something wild. I wrapped myself in countless layers like the kid in The Christmas Story and ventured out into the …

How to Release Disappointment and Thrive When Life Isn’t Fair

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“When you learn to accept instead of expect, you’ll have fewer disappointments.” ~Unknown

At thirty-six weeks pregnant, I was in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, screaming with pain. It was excruciating, the worst pain I had ever experienced, and I had experienced lots.

As the ambulance officer supported me out the front door and into the back of the ambulance, all I could think was, “How is this going to affect my baby?”

After two ambulances, two hospitals, and a barrage of tests, I was sitting on the hospital bed, absolutely exhausted—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

My thoughts started …

Forgiving and Letting Go When You Feel Resentful

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“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Ghandi

My childhood was in many ways a nice childhood. I feel like a complete twit to complain about it.  I know other people have gone through so much worse. I’ve read really difficult childhood stories and my heart literally bleeds for these people.

Growing up I was shy, un-confident, and withdrawn. I treated school mostly like a prison sentence. I put my head down and tried to do my time without falling in with the wrong crowd.

My parents were, and are, good parents. They provided …

Behind Great Anger Is Great Pain; Don’t Take It Personally

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“More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity.” ~Francois Gautier

My husband was a gift I never expected to find. I never imagined that I deserved the kind of love that he was capable of giving me. With complete certainty, I felt safe in loving him and lucky to marry him.

We both had children from previous relationships, and, with high hopes, we entered into the balancing act of a blended family.

I had reasonable expectations that among the hard work there would be an unspoken respect for each other, and we’d slowly start …

The Top 10 Tiny Buddha Insights from 2012

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Happy almost 2013!

It seems like just yesterday I wrote “Happy almost 2012!” before summarizing the top lessons from 2011.

I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions, as I like to think that any moment is an ideal time to make a change, but I always appreciate looking back and recognizing progress and growth.

The site grew by leaps and bounds this year, surpassing two million monthly page views. However, what I’ve found most exciting is the increased interest in contributing to the blog.

Each month, I’ve received more submissions than the month before, but what inspires me …

Appreciate or Change the Game Instead of Blaming It

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“Have respect for yourself, and patience and compassion. With these, you can handle anything.” ~Jack Kornfield

Imagine these three scenarios:

Scenario 1: You wake up in the middle of the night and your baby is crying. You feel annoyed that you have to wake up in the middle of your sleep.

Scenario 2: Your goal is to finish your first marathon, so you have to practice consistently. However, you don’t feel like exercising today. It’s raining and you’d like to watch television instead.

Scenario 3: You hate your job. You snap at your boss and you procrastinate on the work …

Post #22220

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Tiny Wisdom eBook Series

The Tiny Wisdom blog posts have been some of the most popular on tinybuddha.com, viewed by more than 8 million readers.

They aren’t lengthy how-to posts with overwhelming lists of action steps. They’re short reflections on the little things that make a huge difference in our daily lives. They’re reminders of what matters and how to embrace it, right now, instead of focusing on all the things that only bring us down.

They’re concise. They’re focused. Most importantly, they’re relevant to the challenges we all face every day.

In recent months, I’ve received countless emails from

…

The Path to Living Authentically

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“Don’t think you’re on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path.” ~Unknown

Growing up in Appalachia, women always had grace, class, and sweet iced tea in the refrigerator for unexpected visitors. They smiled when called ma’am or darling and kept an immaculate home.

Many Appalachian women also abided by two rules: It’s impolite to say no, and (my mother’s favorite adage), be as nice as you possibly can and everyone will realize you’re the better person.

For me, this translated as always say yes and play nice. I thought this equated to being compassionate and sensitive.

You’re stranded …