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Search Results for "inner child" — 726 posts

How to Stop Wanting to Be Thinner, Even If You’re Ambitious

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“How pleasant is the day when we give up striving to be young or slender. ‘Thank God!’ we say, ‘those illusions are gone.’” ~Alain de Botton

Are you high functioning at school, college, or in your career, but dysfunctional with food? I was.

I’ve always been ambitious. I see things, and I wanna do them too, even better!

It’s a powerful trait, but unruly—like living with a big dog. Sometimes it strains on its leash and pulls you along further than you thought you’d go. And sometimes it knocks you onto the carpet and stands over you, panting, with its …

How I Overcame Childhood Emotional Neglect and Learned to Meet My Needs

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“In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it.” ~Mitch Albom

“Your feelings are valid,” said my life coach during one of our sessions, as we were working on an issue I had with my parents.

I had to do a double take. My feelings are valid? She actually accepts them as they are?

Eventually it started to dawn on me: My parents never validated my feelings. This sudden revelation earlier this year threw me into a dark period of my life.

When I was …

Why You Need to Embrace “Beginner’s Mind” to Live a Life of Adventure

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“The don’t-know mind… doesn’t fear, has no wish to control or foresee, steps off the cliff of the moment with absolute trust that the next step will land somewhere, and the next step somewhere else, and the feet will take us wherever we need to go.” ~Byron Katie

I am fifty-five years old. I’ve raised a family, been through two divorces, bought and sold four houses, and had a successful professional career. And right now I’m doing one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, which is learning to host in a busy restaurant.

My coworkers range from mid-twenties to …

How to Tame Your Inner Critic: A Simple Habit to Rewire Your Brain

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“I acknowledge my own worth. My confidence is growing.” ~Unknown

Sometimes I feel like a spider whose web is repeatedly torn down. I plan something and start taking action. Then life happens, and setbacks threaten to sap my energy and enthusiasm.

Whenever I take on too much, I can feel as if I’m juggling a million balls. And doing it badly.

You’ve probably seen T-shirts saying, “Things are a bit crazy around here.” That could easily describe me when I allow myself to become overloaded.

It’s easy to feel stressed and to slip into harsh self-criticism. Especially when I hold …

40 Ways To Live, Laugh, And Love Like A Child

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“Children see magic because they look for it.” ~Christopher Moore

Adulthood? No thanks!

All too often, being grown up is the pits.

It can leave you drowning in responsibility, suffocating from anxiety, and sinking with doubts about your ability to be all that you should.

Frazzled, you fall into bed to fortify yourself for tomorrow’s craziness. Then you lie awake fretting over your lack of action you regret, scary debt, and all the targets you haven’t met.

Life’s supposed journey has left you dreading where you’re heading.

What the hell happened?

Somewhere between making daisy chains and making money, …

A Beginner’s Guide To Trying New Things

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“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~Pema Chodron

I have a confession: I was really scared of trying yoga for the first time.

I know, I know, it’s not exactly bungee jumping or skydiving, activities that warrant a certain amount of fear. In fact, yoga seems downright tame by comparison. But I was still scared nonetheless.

Someone recommended the age-old practice to me to stretch out my perpetually tight hamstrings and strengthen my bad knee. But instead of jumping at the chance to heal my body through gentle, …

Finding Kindred Spirits by Honoring Your Inner Misfit

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“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen

It should theoretically be simple but being authentic is not easy. It takes gumption to assert with courageous conviction “This is me!” and grace to accept what comes after.

From my first discordant bear cry in a nursery full of normally crying babies, I was different, quirky. My own way of doing things—dresses over jeans, art over sports—made me an early outcast. Nothing I naturally did fit me within my particular society.

For a while, during …

Honoring Our Inner Voices to Make the Right Choices for Us

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“Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.” ~Walter Anderson

After high school I moved to the northern tip of Vancouver Island to live with my aunt and uncle and work at their fishing resort. It was a busy tourist destination at the time. Every summer the town filled with young people, home from university and eager to earn money.

I loved my time up there. I met many interesting, colorful people from around the world who came to fish, whale watch, kayak, or …

Silencing Your Inner Critic: You Don’t Need to Torture Yourself to Grow

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“You yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

I was tortured by self-hatred for most of my life.

There were aspects of myself that I had a hard time loving. I didn’t like that I am competitive, that I was not a blonde with blue eyes, that I am not good at math or managing money.

I did everything I could to hide these things. I was over-caring, over-helping, and over-accommodating others.

I think I did a pretty good job of not being myself. This created additional psychic pain in me. I …

How I Found My Inner Balance When I Was Tired of Feeling Anxious

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“Within you there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” ~Hermann Hesse

As a child in ballet I was chastised for my inability to capture attitude or arabesque. With only one foot planted on the ground I reached for anything to prop myself up—the barre, the instructor, an unsuspecting fellow tutu-wearing classmate who would then lose balance herself.

My days at ballet were short lived, but my trouble balancing was not. This persisted for decades, through college and into the early years of my marriage.

Now I was no longer …

4 Ways to Use Journaling to Calm Your Inner Critic

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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

It’s a voice we’re all familiar with, and one that we all find challenging. Yes, the inner critic is the part of our internal dialogue that can make or break our day.

At its best, our inner critic helps us live in a way that’s true to our values, questioning decisions that we might regret later and keeping us on the straight and narrow. At it’s worst, however, an inner critic rampage can bring down our mood, self-esteem, and sense of self-worth.

Much of my own self-work has …

Recovering from a Difficult Childhood: How to Reclaim Yourself

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“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

Recently, I had one of those flashes of insight that burn away the illusions I learned as a child in a dysfunctional family and help me see myself in a new light. I saw through an invisible belief that I’ve held for a very long time—the belief that I am not in control of my life.

Standing in line in the grocery store and twiddling my thumbs, my monkey mind ran through the list of what I could be …

The Secret to Lighting up a Room: Find Your Inner Glow

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“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” ~Marianne Williamson

We’ve all met that person at a party or a business function who seems to “light up a room.” People are drawn to them like moths to a flame.

Maybe it’s the way she carries herself, or the easy way he laughs, or her eyes that seem totally focused and engaged in the moment. I’ve always noticed that they have sort of a “knowing” smile—a secret that maybe, just maybe, they might tell you.

I have always wanted to know that …

How I Found Inner Peace Despite the Drama in My Life

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“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Unknown

Like many people, I lived my life for a lot of years failing to understand inner peace is a choice. I am not sure what I thought. Perhaps I didn’t believe anyone could feel a lasting peace inside. I did know that my own feelings of peace were always transitory.

There were many ups and downs in my life, too many claims on my time and too many difficult situations to be dealt with. I think I actually believed inner peace …

Controlling Your Inner Control Freak: The Art of Inefficiency

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“Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” ~Unknown

I’ve always been a control freak. But I’ve learned to control it!

I was born with the ability to quickly envision the most efficient way through a task, activity, project, problem, puzzle, or challenge. This has made me useful to many people, especially in my workplaces.

But it can make people crazy, too. Especially when I’ve expected others to buy into the approach I knew would work best, fastest, most efficiently.

My partner sometimes reminds me, “It doesn’t always have to be about being efficient!”…

Childhood Dreams That Are Attainable Now

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“A man is not old until regrets take the place of his dreams.” ~Proverb

Something beautiful just occurred to me.

I spend so much time stressing over my future adult achievements—a good career, a home for life, getting published, an adult relationship, possibly a kid and a large dog—that I don’t often revel in the things that seven-year-old me would have been stoked about.

How many of us do?

I try to treat my inner child with something every week, like painting, playing with my cat, or indulging in some candy—a very rare thing! But I don’t often think of …

Insights and Advice from a Former People-Pleaser

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“I can’t give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.” ~Herbert Bayard Swope

In December 2023, my people-pleasing ways were spiralling out of control.

I found myself experiencing extreme levels of stress in my muggle job, which involves supporting a senior team and helping run a business. I would be on high alert, overly sensitive to any perceived criticism, and unable to relax and get out of my head. A classic chronic stress response.

One night I realized: I’m trying so hard to please so …

Transforming Pain into Power: The Magic of Emotional Alchemy

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If it weren’t for my darkest moments, I wouldn’t appreciate the life I have today. I’ve overcome a lot, and my biggest battle wasn’t the hurdles themselves but how they made me feel, draining my energy and desire for life until I nearly lost it completely. I’m sharing my story to give you hope. If I can transform pain into beauty through emotional alchemy, you can, too.

I’m not going to lie and say my journey has been easy. Nor is it over; overcoming a lifetime of dysfunctional patterns from a toxic childhood and challenging adult experiences takes time. However, …

How to Break the Cycle of Painful, Dramatic Relationships

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“No matter how far we come, our parents are always in us.” ~Brad Meltzer

Had you asked me five years ago, before my healing and personal growth journey began, if my upbringing and childhood wounds were shaping the choices I was making in relationships, I would have scoffed at you and said, “No way. Are you kidding?”

Somehow, I had normalized the dysfunction I grew up in: the absentee father, the mother with mental illness, the lack of stability and safety, the enmeshment and codependency, the attachment wounds that left me spending a lifetime searching for someone or something to …

How Embracing Grief Can Open Us Up to a Beautiful New Chapter

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“When we are brave enough to tend to our hearts, our messy emotions can teach us how to be free—not free from pain but free from the fear of pain and the barrier it creates to fully living.” ~Kris Carr

It’s crazy how you go about your life thinking all is okay, and then BOOM, something happens that changes you forever. Grief and loss come and hit you in the face.

You know… the days that you start as one person and end as someone else.

But it’s not your first loss or trauma! You had a childhood of pain …