Hi all,

Thank you for your responses – you guys are all so helpful, its so very appreciated.

Anita – Thank you for taking so much time to learn about my scenario. I agree with you. Logically, when I look at the entire picture, I do feel that I did not conduct myself correctly. I was afraid to ask questions, I think I was afraid of the reality. I think 2 years ago I NEEDED him to be a good person, and that made me dodge asking the questions because the reality is not what I needed, I needed someone to believe in. At the time, I just wanted to enjoy my time with his positive traits. I still wasn’t afraid to voice my concerns with him, but I was able to take a lot of undesirable behavior before I reached my end point. As I grew as a person and transformed myself over the past 2 years, I realized that I was excited to discover him and was hoping for him to contact me. Unfortunately, by this time, the situation was complex, no longer freeing. He had already kept facts from me for so long, far before I grew into the person I now am. In agreeing with you, I can see that I am a bit confused whether he really deceived me? I also don’t know if there is space for healing in between us in the future if the opportunity arises. I feel like we both took things too far; I took my unrealistic perception of “us” too far and he misrepresented himself for too long. At what point is there too much damage between two people?

Matty – you sound right. I am not really honing that I have now learned about him, I’m isolating my experience with him; separating his good as “him” and his bad as “this can’t be him”. I still believe in him, maybe its because I am a dreamer…but if I consider all that I know now, I don’t think there’s much space remaining for me to believe in him, unfortunately. Emotionally its much easier said then done.

Inky- Thank you. you are so very correct. I keep myself in line for the most part and any of my darkness hurts me, not others. So I have a hard time coping with when others allow themselves to hurt others.