Thanks Anita. I know that thinking out of the box is the only way for any hope in this situation. There’s so much more before that, though. I don’t think anybody who sees those horrible messages I sent to Jerry can ever think I am a loving or lovable person, most definitely her family won’t think so. Neither do any virtues excuse me of what I did. I know it’s of no use living in the past… but unless Jerry returns to me and I give her ten times the happiness to make up for my behavior, my conscience will not stop stabbing me within. I keep thinking of how normally at this time, she used to send me those sweet “Hiii bro… did you have lunch? How are you? Come let’s talk on Facebook, see what I found…” messages and now my phone is lying silent as a grave, I was enough of a *censored* to unfriend her on Facebook without thinking and have deactivated my account as I can’t bear going there… I cannot hold back the tears thinking of my sweetie. I just wish to have her back and make up for my behaviour, be on talking terms at least. If I ever underestimate her love and her vitality in my heart again, may I be reminded of these cursed and infernal days before I allow my vile lips/fingers to utter/type a single harsh word.

I’m just trying to convince my heart somehow that it’s not over, that she’ll be back and in order to move forward, I need a good career and right now I need to study hard for my exams in May. But it’s proving too hard due to the depression and fear.