Dear Ravi:

No, your vile behavior with Jerry is not genetic. Its causes are environmental, what you were taught and shown as a child. Genetically every single person is born with the … predisposition to get scared, and hurt, and angry… every single person is born with the genetic condition of getting angry. What happens with this genetic inheritance we are all born with is dependent on environmental factors.

I am not recommending you to pursue Jerry at this point because I have no reason to think that you will no longer display that abusive behavior you displayed with her so many times. I know you are highly motivated to not display this behavior. I know that her not having contact with you is a strong motivating factor (She has done the right thing to stop contact).

I hope your behavior when angry will indeed change. And then I wish, as in making a wish, that you and her will get together once you are no longer abusive simply because you want it so badly.

If her father read the above correspondence, and he is a sane, reasonable person, I imagine he would be very unhappy. Fact is, you did it, it is on record on Facebook, I suppose, and you can’t undo it.

You did it… and you can’t undo it.

Got to accept this fact because you can’t change it. Here are more things to accept:

Jerry may not contact you again. She may not believe in you again. Some reasonable people will look at such a correspondence and conclude: why get involved with someone with this problem, too painful, too unpleasant to say the least.

You can’t change any of this. So what are you going to do?

Oh, there is so much you can change. Only not the things above. But if you get busy with all that you can change, you will be very busy. So I hope that soon enough, maybe even today, you get unstuck from focusing on what you cannot change, and focus on what you can change.

At one point, you will have to look more into the origin of your out of control, exaggerated expressions of anger. So that you understand what “makes you tick” – what fuels that rage. You have to, when you are ready and willing. Let me know when that may be.

anita