Hi Anita –

Ah, thanks! Yes, always working to incorporate more healthy habits to keep my heart healthy and become a better person as well!

In reguards to my relationship with my mother – yes, we have always had a good relationship. However, the older I have grown and the more clarity I have of the past, I realize our relationship was more of teamwork/survival oriented relationship. I think if I didn’t have her and vice verse to bounce emotions off and and to give more confidence in each other’s perception of what was going on in our lives with my dad and grandfather, we wouldn’t have bounced back or freed ourselves of the situations. It kept us sane at times. She held out of divorcing my father till I was 11 on purpose, because she did research and spoke to attorneys years prior to make sure my voice counted when visitation rights were to be scheduled. I opted to never stay with him.

Our relationship now has changed slightly. We still are pretty much a team, however, as we get more settled into our lives, I see us being less of a single working unit, and a little more developed in our own lives.

That’s true. I guess adulthood changes people. I don’t know if I am young at heart or if I just have had that whole process stunted in me, but i don’t even comprehend ill intentions or unsympathetic behaviors. This kind of makes me sad and angry a lot of times – it’s so easy and wonderful to come from a place of kindness, so why not?

I guess I just know the pattern now. He makes a mistake, he goes away for months, he contacts me and apologizes. And I don’t want him to go away, never did. I just want there to be openness, whatever that might bring. And now, because I know this is a pattern, I don’t want to experience the next cycle….it’s too long of a cycle to allow for any spiritual growth in him or growth in the relationship. The thing is, what he does and the way he reacts stems from personal insecurities…not out of meanness, at least that’s what I truly believe.

I never sought after him, I just reacted to whatever he gave me. It’s just sad, because I don’t want to lose faith in him…but I think I’m realizing I’m slim on other options. I guess I am keeping who he is when we are in our” on” mode an aantonym for what happens between us. Are they the same thing?

Again Anita, your so kind, thank you for everything