Dear Ravi:

I am sure your words hurt Jerry. The nature of her pain, the intensity of it regarding your words: how painful, how often she hurts over those words, and if she still, presently hurts over your words, that you cannot tell. If you were communicating with her and she told you honestly, then you would know. Otherwise, you simply don’t know. You are projecting your pain into her.

I did notice earlier something that was curious to me then: I think she was more offended by your “changed feelings” than she was about your abusive words. This is one of those things: you are focusing on the affect your abusive words had on her. In reality, she may be focused on your changed feelings, it being a problem for her.

What I am saying, is you make assumptions, you see what you are shining the light on: your abusive expressions of your anger. It is definitely something to continue to work on. But it may be that her focus, the light she is directing is not directed at your abusive anger, but at a different topic, that is your feelings for her.

None of this has a practical use for you now, but if you see the bigger picture, well, that is always good: to see beyond what you are focusing on.

Why you were jealous about her brother? Because she referred to you as her spiritual brother and you wanted to be one of a kind in her life, not a second brother but a first and only boyfriend, isn’t it so?

anita