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Dear Phil:
You miss what could have been but was not. You miss a home, a place of safety, love, trust. You didn’t have that. You had a house-of-horror, of violence.
How do you stop longing for a real home, a place where you are primarily safe? I don’t think one ever stops longing for home.
There is only one way for you to find home and that is to create such for yourself, to make it happen for you. The “home” you knew was violent; the home you make will be peaceful. The “home” you had was cruel and closed and lonely; yours will be kind, open and friendly.
It is not easy to make a home of the kind you need when you had to shut down to survive the house-of-horrors that was your “home”.
All those years since you left after school, did you attend any good psychotherapy? Did you have relationships? Live in situations…? If you’d like to share, please do. The aim of these questions is to figure out the specific challenges you (understandably, I am sure) have in making such a home a reality for you.
anita