Dear Gigi:

Cutting contact with a mother is a very, very difficult thing to do and this is why not many adult children do that. It is something for you to decide because it is your life, of course and you are the one to live with the consequences of such a major decision. Since I will not be enjoying and suffering consequences, it is not right for me to push you to make such a decision. It will not be ethically right for me to do.

If you don’t cut contact with her, it may work for you to have contact with her, if you can successfully assert yourself with her so she no longer abuse you. I suppose this is the non-compromising point I am making: allow no one, no matter who they are, to abuse you. If she starts talking to you on the phone abusively, hang up on her. Be very serious telling her in person, looking into her eyes and telling her what kind of talk you will no longer tolerate from her.

If you can do the latter, assert yourself successfully with her, cutting contact with her may not be necessary.

Yelling back at her, which you have done, is not the same as asserting yourself. In asserting yourself, your voice is going to be strong and clear.

What do you think at this point? (I have more to write about your last two posts and will do it later, I am still not relaxed enough to attend to all that I want to attend in your sharing).

anita