Dear Anita,

I have never felt imbalance during my life as am feeling it right now, I really feal shocked!

And some how I feel more sorry for him than I felt before, I feel sorry for him that he did not see his own lie, he did nor relaize he is hurting him self as much as he is hurting others, I feel sorry for him for he had became what he had feared when he was a child, I feel sorry for him that I can not even tell him that.
The more I reliable how they have hurt me, the more I feel sorry for them, it’s had to cope with that, feeling sorry for him not being able to realize how wrong he is, I feel sorry for them that they did not understand that in their attempts to stop his abuse to me, they actually helped him more to abuse me, I feel sorry for them that when the gave me money or gifts they shared in the act of abuse, and they thought they were trying to put it right, and they do not even see it.

How can you feel sorry for some one pulacing you at gun point, and that he can not see the Hyena tracking him from behind and that he is just about to get bitten on the neck. If only he can see it, we could have stood together and fight it?!

I now can understand why my mom would not stop crying when praying, even if she does not know it, she thinks she is crying and praying for me, while she should be crying for her self for forgiveness that she shard too in the abuse, I hoe she relishes that!

yes I have no aprove, that he is regretting it, but I wish he is, for his own sake, I wish he would ask for forgiveness not from me, or for me, for himself and from himself. I wish he could relive it for his own sake, I cannot ask anything from him, nor I ever remembered that I did, nor that I am willing to!

Now, am sure she did not scrfacie anything for us or for me, and even if she did, she took it back and much much more, am not regretting it, I never regret giving, I just feel sorry that someone does not realize the value of giving, realize the gift he has in his hands and before destroying it.

You were right, I was the perfect victim, I was have been all my life till now, I was the perfect victim for seeing I deserve it, I was the perfect victim for accepting their gifts and making them feel good about them, I was the perfect victim that I had not even need chains or walls to stay in my prison, I was the perfect victim in my desprate attempts to make them feel better and showing them am good enough for them, I was the perfect victim for not even doubting that logic, I was the perfect victim for not questioning their values and supporting it, I was the perfect victim for for not seeing my soft as a victim!

Thank you Anita for waking me up after all that years, thank you for showing me how hypocrite and demeaning I was being to myself, and am sorry that I have Dircted that towards you, I was feeling it and not knowing it, denying, and when I saw it in others, the truth that is as clear as the sun, it hurts too much you can not open your eyes, you were living in the dark for too much long, and again am sorry for trying to put off your light, thank you for baring with me without even showing it to me, thank you for making me realizing that am now hurting my self as much they did, and I slo have no right to do that.

Xaas,