Dear katie:

You bring up excellent points. This is my answer to “how do I go about handling it?”

Communicate with her honestly. Tell her how you feel, your very feelings that you described here. Tell her calmly. Listen to her, and respond, and so on. Your judgment of her behavior, don’t stay alone with that judgment and the anger you feel. Share those things with her. Not in a blaming, attacking, condemning way, but with honesty and openness. She feels judgmental about you, angry at you herself, at times. She already expressed her anger that you are judging her…

So judgment goes both ways, we all judge each other at times. We all get angry at each other if we interact long enough.. Those times of judgment and anger are opportunities for greater communication not possible otherwise (if everything was smooth sailing).

This is an opportunity for the two of you to get deeper insight: she can get deeper insight into her motivations and behaviors and you can get deeper insight into yours.

Instead of running away, confront, kindly, openly.

At any one point you may decide to end the friendship, or she may. This is a right you have and at any one point it may be wise. But only after greater insight and understanding in your case, especially since there was so much good in the friendship.

There are some limits you can establish now, ASAP, so to respect yourself. You can tell her and see to it, that she does not stay in your place with her boyfriend. You can see to it that you don’t see her with a guy, that you see her one to one, only you and her. That way you do not place yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Always take care of yourself first.

So honest communication will be a wonderful opportunity in this friendship with its history of love and trust, an excellent opportunity for growth on both sides of the friendship. And set the limits you need to take care of yourself.

anita