Yeah thanks Inky for your insight. I took some time today to try and understand how it works and I think it really is about all sorts of fear : fear the opportunity will not be there again, fear of not being approved, fear that you might never be able to do it… I even have fear of feeling bad when doing things I like… I do understand what you mean by saying “nothing matters” it’s just another thing, it’s true, because when I’ve applied this logic in the past (thinking that I didn’t want to do anything) I was just lying to myself and buying into my fears : I was justifying my non-action because it brought pain with it. But today I know that I shouldn’t feel pain because it must come out in order from greater things to be expressed, actually, I think we should throw ourselves in what makes us feel this pain in order to understand what it has to teach us instead of hiding from it (there are limits there, but when pain comes, I try to simply enjoy it as it is simply “another thing”, it isn’t bad, it is, simply) Well thanks for this, made me wrote about things I never thought about!:)

Anita : you comment is very true to my experience, it is like I lost control of myself. In this state, all my memories, dreams, etc are kind of wiped out temporarily. I can’t figure out anything or reason myself, I get pulled inside something that really feels like passion as you described it. I never thought about that, it’s really interesting. It is indeed very scary and I can’t control it, I get lost in this state. However, sometimes I am melting in the present moment while, for example, I’m playing guitar and there’s magic happening. I keep my heart calm (it takes enormous efforts) and I don’t experience this state. But it is quite hard to do as I don’t really know how to deal with this. Do you have any idea that could help me or that have helped you already? Like I said above, I know this pain is trying to teach me something and I should try to listen to it, and to simply enjoy it’s presence, but it’s kind of overwhelming sometimes. I’d like to know why it’s there? Do you have any idea? Does it feel so bad because we resist the “passion” or because we buy into it?

Teleri, it’s a story I can really relate to. I’m trying to make a garden too and I feel so strange doing it. It’s my first one, so many things to learn and plan and I feel the project has taken over me. It’s not for fun anymore, it’s like this garden has to save the world : it’s a lot of pressure. I try to integrate permaculture design techniques, but I feel ashamed for not understanding all of them, I feel anxious for not doing it perfectly, guilty.. everything!:b I didn’t thought I was so perfectionist, but I really am… I try to take permaculture courses to deepen my understanding, but I feel anxious about not remembering everything and I get drawn into “passion” again. It’s quite hard to accomplish anything in these states, but I really love your “solution” to this which is (in my words) to feel grateful for the beauty and live that runs through life. It’s maybe our egoic mind that wants to possess so many things but never really enjoys them fully : it’s maybe this selfish mind that obsess so much about things like that putting pressure on itself as if life depended on it. But you’re right : we should enjoy life, isn’t that the point in the end?