Hi:) thank you both for your answeres. I do believe, that I’m heading towards better times. Well at least somewhere where it doesn’t hurt so much and where I can see a future for me. The relationship was not too long, which itself is probably good for healing, but at the other hand we’ve never fought, we were always happy to be together and planning our future together. So it’s also hard to find something that would help me move on, because for me it was still the most beautiful relationship I’ve ever had and I can see him as my other half of the heart. So searching for something, that was significantly wrong and I could say ‘okay, I don’t want that and this in relationship’ is now my goal, but I’m not much succesfull…
Keine – I’m planning to go and travel, luckily I can afford it, but apart of these trips there is nothing BIG in my future now, as moving in, starting new life and having a happy family would be. Of course it’s only logical, that you loose your dreams the same moment that you loose your person, but this is part of the relashionship I’m really really not over and it hurts most.
Anita – I’m not sure I want to change.. well it depends how you put it. For sure I can see some things that I’ve done again as same as in my former”relashionship” and I’ve learned from that. Or I really hope so. It tought me something and If that counts as changing then I hope I’m not same also. e.g. I’m willing to do anything for that person that is important for me (like move to foreign country) and I understood that it’s not the best idea. I will try not to do that, at least for my own safety, because logically after breakup I was asking why? after all I wanted to give him… blah blah.. If there is somebody who is really worth it, then yes okay. But I’m like this normally. I work as a doctor and I would do anything for my patients to make them feel better. It’s just me. Obviously not the best thing in todays world…. What changed for sure is that I want to be more with my friends and they are really really important part of my life now. I will not change my friends for some guy who breaks my heart later.

But what I ment in my post is, that I have complete block. I can’t imagine myself being physically with someone, like touch, kiss, have sex and it still lasts even if I feel better now and it made me feel weird, scared…. Tha’s what I’ve ment.

Sorry for that post actually, cause it’s just my thoughts running from my head through my fingers, I’ve never been good in writing something that makes sence:))