Hi Anita,

I wanted to update you following this situation as I feel what you wrote nearing a year ago now gave me strength to make the decisions I have. What followed from this was continuous months of not airing how I felt to him still. While on many occasions we would continue our dysfunctional pattern, things for me got worse. It got to a stage where my anxiety got worse and depression closed in on me. I sought help from a doctor and was put on antidepressants. However deep down none of what was going on sat well within me, as I knew the problem was within the relationship I was in. While I continued to take the antidepressants, changed jobs, lost friends and isolated myself I was growing more and more resentful inside. This was hard.

It had got to a point where I hated him. Hated our relationship and couldn’t take much more of it. The straw that broke the camels back for me was my uncle passing away this weekend and an argument I had with my auntie. He could not show an ounce of sympathy and I could see and still can, this and things were never going to change between us. I’d finally had enough and broke up with him. During this I was honest in what I needed in a man and told him he was not it. I aired how hateful I had become towards him and took responsibility for my part in staying so long when I shouldn’t. What became apparent during this is that he would not take an ounce of responsibility for his part, but would concentrate solely on making me feel bad for being honest with him and my real thoughts and feelings towards him and our relationship. He’s glad he knows how I really feel, and I am glad I told him.

Right now I hurt. I cannot sleep and I have and will no doubt miss him. But it would hurt me and my mental health to stay with him in this situation. I only wished I would have realised what I needed from a relationship a long time ago and had the self esteem to leave. While my self esteem is low at the moment I will take comfort in knowing I made the decision that was right for ME (at last) in the end. It’s funny how the only time my ex partner has ever agreed with me on anything is when it comes down to us breaking up, which I should’ve let happen a long time ago when he could continuously do this. There will be moments where I want to go back but too much is at stake in my life to do this anymore. I will grieve the relationship, but it will be healthier to let it go when I’m done. I’ve learnt and grown and making this decision shows to me how I need to put my needs over him now and heal myself from this mess.

Sending you warm wishes Anita.