Dear foolinlove:

I don’t think you are wrong to guard your feelings. It is not wrong to protect yourself from (more) hurt. Plus it is not wrong for you to feel anything at all that you feel. What we feel is not of our choosing. We can’t will ourselves to not feel this, and to feel that instead.

When your boyfriend felt an attraction to the women he flirted with, or boredom and desire for something interesting to happen- he is not responsible for those feelings either. He is only responsible for the action he took, the flirting itself.

So, don’t try to change your feelings. Keep your eyes open: check over time- over a long time- did he indeed stop flirting with other women? If he pressures you to … be fun and receptive to him physically when you are not receptive, then he is not taking responsibility for the consequences (to you) of his actions.

If he didn’t flirt with the women, you wouldn’t be distrustful of him, cautious, afraid to be hurt. He flirted so he has consequences to deal with. If he is a responsible, understanding man, he should let you be as cautious as you are and go very slow with you, no pressuring you.

Does this make sense to you?

anita