Dear Ravi:

You write so very well.

As to the content: I thought about this betrayal thing a week or so ago, trying to figure out its origin. I am thinking it has to be a … value of sort Jerry (and her sister) was taught. Maybe it is even a cultural teaching: that the only noble love between a man and a woman is the brotherly kind. And only when married, there can be another kind. Nothing in between. Girls are taught (are they not?) that any sexual talk or behavior before marriage is wrong, and makes the girl a very bad girl, one to be condemned and rejected by her family.

This explains to me why Jerry was so careful about appearing sisterly to you. I am sure she shared personal things with you and very likely felt what she felt for you, but no way was she going to admit to this for fear of being a bad girl and rejected by her family, a terrible and unbearable consequence for her.

Ravi, your past angry expressions at Jerry have nothing to do with the situation, as you can see yourself. It is ALL about the change of status of your feelings for her. It is too late for you to ..re-establish the old brotherly status and it is impossible for you to change the teaching I referred to, teaching ingrained in Jerry’s brain.

There is nothing you can do about such a teaching except if you become acceptable for her family as a husband! Too late to be a brother again, only possibility is be her husband. No in-between possibility. Don’t you think?

anita