That’s interesting. I think I was the opposite, I spent years without a shred of empathy, or any other feeling apart from rage, for my mother. It felt like to do so would have been to admit that it was OK to do what she did. I felt the anger was something I needed to keep hold of, but it is rapidly fading now that I see that it was holding me back and no longer served any purpose. I’m not sure what I feel now is empathy, to me that implies that I care how she felt. I think I just recognise that she had her own problems, not that I care about her. Like you say, that is not our job to heal them, we must get on with healing ourselves. I think I’m making good progress on that now.