Hi Sophia,

I just read your thread now, because the title drew me a lot, very recognisable, I am 34 and having the same problem. After becoming aware of some unhealthy patterns inside of myself, I feel that now it is time to start doing efforts to reconnect with other people, so I will follow the thread, I already read some useful advice here 🙂

I don’t know if I have much to say, but I wanted to reply because it is so recognisable.

First of all, sorry to hear about that hurtful experience. I can imagine how that hurts, and how many questions it is probably raising for you.
I don’t know what you should do regarding those friends. Saying something might mean that you take yourself seriously enough to express your feelings about what happened. If you find that important enough. On the other hand, if you really feel that this shows that they don’t accept you or understand you, after you did the effort to contact them, that sounds very understandable. Haha sorry, i want to say something but i don’t know what 🙂

My biggest fear is that my problems will cause me to go through life completely alone…s x

I know that feeling. But fear is a bad adviser. I’m not sure how to say this, if we keep being afraid that we will end up alone, it might be more likely to be that way, because we are already framing it like that. Maybe, if we learn to see this as a challenge, as a learning experience, where we will keep evolving from, then we are much more likely to make progress and to change something. I hope you get what i mean. The way we define ourselves and our situation has a huge influence on what we do and what kind of experiences we allow to happen or make happen. Please ask if you don’t understand me, and I will try to clarify more.

I also wonder, about how much do you accept yourself the way you are? So I understand, that the way you look, has a big influence on your self-image and your anxiety problems? And in your teens your peers were not nice to you (did they make fun of you, ignore you/exclude you, bully you…?). Sadly enough, these experience in that time of our life, has a huge influence on us, that we can carry with us. Teenagers are usually very insecure and often work it out on others. How sad and unfair it is.
That doesn’t mean anything about you, that is the way that your peers dealt with their own growing up and their own fears about themselves, probably. But unfortunetaly, it left you with a lot of damage to your self-esteem.
I know it is easier said than done, to accept yourself the way you are and the way you look. But I wonder, if here can be a big part to help you to regain self-confidence. I found the advice of avam very helpful and will reflect on it more, I think I can use that advice as well.
But I also wonder, in the same time, wouldn’t it also help, that you start to believe again, that you have some valuable things to offer, and that that has nothing to do with some scars on your body? Could it help you to focus on your good qualities, whatever they are, to help you to see your worth, and maybe slowly learn to feel more confident about yourself? Maybe you could try to write them here, if you like.
Because I think, if you accept yourself, you might be less dependent on the acceptance of others, on how they view you..

Me too, I have always been a very quiet person. Because of being shy and anxious, maybe also just because I don’t like to be in the spotlights, and I don’t know how to do that kind of talking. I used to spend time in different groups, because I would travel abroad to do voluntary work in groups for a few weeks. That was usually terrible. My therapist spent so much time trying to convince me, that quiet people also contribute in a group, and that i needed to be myself, not trying to adapt myself to how the others in the group were. I could’t believe that and I kept saying that I would be ok if I talked more. But now, I started to wonder, if I am in a class or a workplace, which people do I feel more attracted to, which people do I like? And almost always, they are the more quiet people. Because i feel more similar to them, because they feel more human, not just about making all small talk that doesn’t interest me, or because they help to make me feel more relaxed. I would always have problems to approach them, but becoming aware of that, is helping me to accept slowly, that I am ok to be quiet, and that that also has a value.

Hmm… sorry.. I am writing too much again and maybe a lot of stuff that doesn’t really help. I started to write some thoughts that came up, I need to learn to skill of synopsis perhaps. I should stop writing now and go to bed. But I’ll post it anyway, you never know if it of any use to you, or if it brings up any ideas for you.

Hang in there. You are not alone, and we need to keep believing that these things can be changed.