Dear mp126:

Please print this very thread here and bring it to your school counselor; add to this anything the counselor asks you. Emma cutting and hurting herself needs to be attended to and it is a bigger problem than what you can help her with by yourself.

Listening to her with empathy and respectfully can also help, without giving her advice, asking her questions, gently so to understand her better, this way she may understand herself better, by answering your questions. You can ask her why she does what she does, what motivates her; what she feels, what she thinks; you can share with her your experience as it is relevant but don’t minimize her experience in any way.

Repeat some of the things she tells you so that she can tell that you really listen and let her know her pain is valid (there are valid reasons to it, reasons I don’t know but you can learn more about them). Let her know you SEE her and you SEE her pain. She needs to be seen, validated.

But mainly, go to the school counselor. She needs professional help and I do hope she get competent help. The therapy she is getting may simply not be good enough and another effort to get her professional help may be more successful.

Please post again. I appreciate your concern for her.

anita