Hi Anita,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I appreciate the time you took to read and reply.

What you say about him being the shining light in my romantic darkness is spot on. I just had hoped that I could provide for him whatever he was lacking emotionally in the relationship with his girlfriend so that I could hopefully be his light too. At least at this point it’s not to be but would you think I should keep in touch with him as friends? Even though romantically he isn’t a prospect, I value his company and opinion. I just don’t want to cause problems for him. He doesn’t think it will be so my inclination is to continue being friendly but I wonder what you think.

As for the shyness, it actually originated at school. The large groups of loud kids was intimidating and frightening so I was very withdrawn at school at a young age. The other kids were so outgoing and gregarious I was afraid I wouldn’t be good enough. My immediate family (parents and brother) were always supportive and loving. I had several friends in the neighborhood that I played with daily but theyou attended different schools or were in different grades than I was so I didn’t see them until after school. Consequently I was happy with those few friends and so didn’t really try too hard to fit in at school. They moved the summer before 5th grade and that was when I started making friends at school. The reason I hid from my extended family was that they were all so outgoing I was afraid and intimidated by their big personalities.

You said that you thought the fact that he had a 20-something year old girlfriend was meaningful. Can you get into that a bit? I thought it was interesting too but that’s because I have a difficult time relating to people so much younger. I struggle to understand what keeps them together, except that he’s someone who enjoys being the provider and she depends on him heavily. What does having such a younger partner suggest in your mind?

I do have some healing I need to do, as so many of us do, but I struggle with where to begin. I enjoy my quiet life with my kids, family, and a few close friends. I’m happy with my job and my home, and I know I’m a good catch for the right personow but I’m shaken to the core in situations like this. I really find myself challenged to keep my feet underneath me and not get swept up in the negative undercurrents of my own mind.