Hi Anita you are right i need to get into my beliefs and shake things up, i tend to see everything in black and white. good and bad. more so when i am thinking of my own behavior. Its a control issue for sure, the desire to be perfect, as the fear of my life spiraling out of control is massive(as this is what happened when i was a child) … so big infact that is exactly why i cannot tell my partner. i do not want us to break up or to put the strain of what happened to me on a relationship that is not yet 1 year old if we were to stay together. That is something i cannot deal with just now as i strive to work through the other personal issues i have. Maybe in years to come when/if we are married i will feel comfortable enough to tell him. But that wont stop me from opening up my mind and trying to see things in a less judgmental and harsh perspective. X