Dear ican2:

To not have such strong desire to be loved, a desperation, you need to be loved. There is no way to need love less intensely other than to get love. But not from where you are looking, not necessarily. This is what I mean:

You need to be loved, to feel that you are okay- this way you will be calmer and not desperate. One way to get this love is in psychotherapy with a competent, caring therapist. When a therapist listens to you, really hears you and responds like he heard you and like your feelings matter, like what you think makes sense, then you feel loved. Therapy does take some time. If you have the means, if can afford it, and/ or find low cost, maybe even free psychotherapy, that will be the best way for you to go about getting the love you so desperately need.

Other places can be maybe joining a .. sport team or activity, an acting class perhaps, with a coach who will love you as a professional, a coach, or a leader of the activity

There are also support groups for young people.

The place to not try to get this love, at this point, is boyfriends. Another place to not try to get this love is from your parents because they failed you and they had many chances to deliver what they didn’t deliver: love, that okay feeling.

Please do post again:

anita