Dear xenopustex:

There is always a payoff, some satisfaction, some kind of pleasure that keeps people going. We can’t go on and on by “duty and obligation” alone. There must be someone patting us on the back for doing our duty and obligation; must be some good feeling. It is important to know what it is, to know what keeps you going and has kept you going all these years, so that you stop “scratching head” (title of your thread).

Here are my thoughts about what the payoff may be, what the good feeling may be:

You wrote how your grandfather made the .. not astute decision to turn down your great grand father financial offer and has lost an opportunity to have lots of money. I am thinking this story was probably repeated in that house, where you were a child growing up with your grandparents. You must have heard it again and again. And that made you feel strongly about you not making that mistake. Made you react with the resolution that you will make money and not waste it.

Earning money and not wasting it may be your motivation, seeing the numbers grow every month, that may be your good-feeling, the motivation- used to be my own. Not an uncommon motivation. Maybe, it is difficult for you to part from money, for the purpose of psychotherapy, or dating. Maybe your feeling of security, of well being is in making money and not wasting it, so much so, to such extent, that this motivation is keeping you stuck, living ineffectively.

What do you think?

anita