Dear Chau:

You are doing so well, at this point. I am glad. I say so because you wrote: “I kept imagining she would respond well if i talk to her or give her nice gifts, but on second thought, I know she would just act cold or even reject me”- you are combining memories of her being warm and then cold to you. Then, you wrote: “I can see a bit more clearer, that she really was quite selfish”- yes, your understanding of her, cognitive and emotional understanding of her is becoming whole, balanced, real. You see the whole picture.

No one is perfect and neither are you. You will never be perfect in any relationship you have in the future. But neither will your future partner be perfect. SO when there will be problems and challenges in your next relationship, please don’t make the assumption that it is your fault, that you are responsible.

You see the illogic here: true you are imperfect, not always patient, gentle but who is? Don’t expect it from yourself or from anyone else. On the other hand, when a partner cheats on you, that takes steps and plenty of time to stop on the way. It is not a moment of impatience.

Back to congratulating you for doing well- on your recovery.

anita