Hi guys. Thank you for your responses, I don’t come here often but when I do the support I find is really helpful, you guys are great.

I should point out that I am not going to school to study web design I am doing it on my own. Mainly because I cannot afford to not be in work and I simply cannot afford education. And to be frank unless I know I will really love whatever I study or that it will be beneficial I am simply not ready to jump into bed with any subject that will require such a huge commitment. So my decisions are limited by what can I study on my own or cheaply and at least get a test drive before I need to commit to anything. And of course what field has jobs available in my locale. Web design is the current winner although I am also interested in therapy though in person I am perhaps a bit too gruff or macho to be a good fir for that….but we will see once I’ve checked it out a bit more.

A lot of my stress stems from being unsatisfied with my work that is an understatement. It is monotonous until its impossible and I get little or no guidance or support. I have mentioned this in other threads but I definitely need another job and am working on that right now.

Anita your Bully metaphor was really good, it reminded me a bit of the chimp paradox. It is amazing how simply putting a voice and a persona to those statements changes them and makes them clearer to identify. You are spot on with your assessment, I need to learn how to deal with this bully as this same process occurs whenever I do creative work that is to be viewed by others. I have had it all my life or at least since my teens. One thing I am really worried about is that if I totally give up on art and go into something much less subjective and more technical but still get this same bully I will have worked for nothing.

There is also a lot of stress right now to get a new career as my previous one bombed and I still have little real interest in anything anymore but that is a different issue though no doubt contributes to my current mindset.

Going to get some sleep now b ut thanks for everything guys I really appreciate it.

Ben