Dear lilywater:

Glad to correspond with you. You wrote: “I suppose I am at a loss as to what it was about me to have attracted a man of his character”- I don’t think there is evidence or an indication of a fault in you for the fact that he was attracted to you or you to him. There are lots and lots of men (and women) who are dishonest, manipulative, hurtful… so by sheer numbers you are bound to meet such. He is not a rare specimen.

Learn who the next man you get involved with as you get involved. Get curious, ask questions, listen to what he says, how he says what he says (and ask more questions, gently), and listen to what he doesn’t say. And again, ask. Pay attention to the man’s relationship with his parents, past and present.

This man didn’t become who he has become in a vacuum. His mother is not an outside entity, but very much part of who he has become. How did she treat him? What does he feel about her… these are questions I would have asked so to get to know him.

But you already know him now. Your friend didn’t know him- I suppose you wouldn’t trust a future introduction by her. I wouldn’t.

Please do post again, anytime.

anita