Hi WannabeWarrior

I am 17. I feel you on so many different levels. I have been feeling the same things for the same period of time (after a very stressful exam season, did you have a trigger?) and although I knew I couldn’t be the only one BOYY am I glad to have read your thread.

Basically, my thinking is that it’s a pretty bog standard (and pretty useless) existential crisis. I swear I’ve been having them since I was a kid. BUT this idea that it could actually be anxiety/depression is also present with me because the thoughts are so intrusive and vivid and (SEEMINGLY) uncontrollable. SO I’m sorry you’re going through this because I know what it’s like. But reading this made me chuckle, because the fear we’re feeling is ultimately, ridiculous.

First of all, as much as there is all these awful and disturbing tragedies and that we are vulnerable to on a daily, people don’t care because the reality is that i’m sure you’re aware of, is that they’re incredibly incredibly rare. But I know that it is there is even the CHANCE that these could happen to us that makes us fearful. But this awareness doesn’t make us invisible. It makes us sad, anxious and pretty paralysed. SO how do kids who think like us then regain (what feels like) control of our lives?! Basically, we have to actively change our perspective. We need “real” problems. We need to create. To aid. To shout. To live. Because, if you spend all this time debilitated by the fact your time here isn’t guaranteed, the only scenario in which you are conscious to respond to it, which means you do end up safe and living to a happy 80something then !!! You won’t have done anything. Look to the people who came before us and all they built, the sacrifices some made so we can do things we consider mundane today, and come on? They could do nothing with the thinking patterns we have had lately.

Second of all, the news/random docs you watch are supposed to be fear mongering because it makes people watch it and the other commenters have a point about being critical of your sources and to be completely frank, in order to participate in the society around you, you have to learn to distance yourself. I tend to be emotionally attached to every story I hear but COME ON. This is unsustainable and there is so much that you can never control all of it and you do not need to. I was recently made aware of the fact that our generation is unique in that we hear the shit that happens all over the world on a daily basis at such a young age. We are bombarded by disturbing pictures and reports and to be completely frank it should be no surprise that you feel scared and that people you see do not understand entirely (if this is the case for you too). We shouldn’t be frustrated at ourselves for feeling this way. And I totally 100% believe that we are NOT POWERLESS. Because even talking about issues such as climate change is some power. Maybe try becoming a vegetarian? Teach your family to turn off the lights? Educate your friends when you learn stuff? There are various ways of making an impact and ALL great changes are made in steps.

Third of all, this mortality thing and just everything is pretty ABSURD. Literally everything when thought about with a global perspective and the humanity in terms of the past present and future is actually INSANEEEEEE and it too makes me want to clutch onto my mum whilst I churn inside remembering that one day she will not be here for me. There is no use in thinking about it in a way that doesn’t make you appreciate the moment that you’re living in right now. But you know what, you kind of have to think about death as you think about sleep. No happy and healthy person spends the whole day thinking about how they’ll go to sleep at the end of it. It doesn’t make any sense. Yet we will always sleep. In the same way, all of us will die and a lot have died and there were whole AGES before we were even conscious. Before humanity was even a thing. There is some comfort in that, I think. But it’s still something that causes me immense stress. But you know what, being born and dying is the only thing we all have in common. That quote that “It’s the bit in between that matters” is pretty damn accurate. The only thing that matters is living because if you’re dead you won’t be here to fuss about it? That’s not to say be reckless with your life, clearly it is valuable to you and it is definitely valuable to me BUT basically worse case scenario, you aren’t conscious to be worried about!! This should be liberating. I read somewhere that death is like life’s final escape door. We can never suffer tooooo much. It’s still hard to accept though because it isn’t usually explained like this, it’s usually ignored or denied. It’s the sleep thing that I like. Because it shows the uselessness of the negativity. If I spend the day crippled that I will need sleep at the end of it, this is cleeearly nonsensical. Because I will need it. And in sleep, I am not worried. I am not anxious. I am not unhappy. Living is the only relevant thing because it is the only thing that you can actually worry about. It is the only thing you consciously experience!!

IN SUMMATION: These thoughts are negative, yes. They can EASILY be argued against. So do it. Argue against them when they come up. It doesn’t stop them but it helps them impact your emotions. And keep busy. Keeeeeeeeep busy doing things you enjoy/or things that will lead you to do things you enjoy. I believe that we’ll eventually teach ourselves to get over it.

* And maybe, just maybe, consider a spiritual journey? I was brought up Christian, but then I’ve been agnostic since I can remember, but I’ve recently been doing a bit more research about religion. Because yes, you can call it delusion and a way to comfort us from the complete unpredictability of life (which in itself is a contradiction because you are calling it predictable in being unpredictable?!?!?!?!?) but to be completely frank there is a lot of good and love and complexity and ABSURDITY in the world and I’ve just been thinking that there is something more (not that it has to be any particular condemning God or whatever). I just feel hopeful that there is clarity somewhere. I do. The doom perspective helps no one. Thinking that everything is a distraction from our shit fate is actually the stupidest thinking ever. Look at the world and look at the amount of screws in your doors and the places they must have been and the innovation required and everything that has been created by PEOPLE. Entire lasting civilizations!!! They were not created by people who were sitting at home straddling their cat. And then there’s the beauty of nature and space and everything????? It’s all too much to think about as a whole if it isn’t just from a place of awe. So LET’S HELP OURSELVES by immersing in things you can control. The way you treat your friends, your family and strangers. Basically, we’re aware and critical and to be frank that’s good! We feel a certain way, okay! Now let’s do something about it!!!!! We cannot use the uncertain as a way to paralyse ourselves because it isn’t going anywhere. And it means those mean spirited, “evil” people that profit of our insecurities win. I’m just here to have a good time to be honest, it’s not that deep, really, we’re one of billions in the same position. That’s all I know really.

Sorry for the length and incoherence, please get back to me if this helps you!!!