Hey *Maria, thanks so much for your kind words and i would really like to try a recipe out of your cook book, you seem very passionate about it so i have no doubt the food would be amazing 🙂

I think alot of the time why i end up steering off the path is for that reason, its hard and it can be painful, when i start feeling better its easier to just forget how i felt and leave it all behind instead of dealing with the issues and staying on track. I do alot of journalling but again when i feel better i cant bring myself to read through things, i feel embarrassed and weak for feeling so low when my life really isnt bad at all, im blessed with what i have and i feel kind of guilty for not being able to realize that in those times, this is another thing i need to confront, deal with and heal from. its just so easy to push it away when youre feeling better.

For me the drinking is apart of me feeling accepted and belonging to society, i felt a bit like an outcast growing up as we were not bought up in the usual way.We were home schooled with no push from my parents into socializing, i didnt have many friends back then. so when i grew up i just wanted to be like everybody else. Also because i am quite shy in a larger group, drinking gives me that bit of courage, loosens me up a bit. I know its not good and the friends i have now wouldn’t care if i drank or not, its just my own thoughts about it, “well you cant have fun without drinking” which really i know is not true! and i have no desire to touch it when i feel blaah but then again, start feeling better and think i will just have one, which leads to two, three, four….. so i cant even control my limit. It does not affect me in a good way at all.

I found that playing Netball has been great, but since my low period just gone i have missed a few games and felt very self conscious when i started back, i never played netball in my life so im still learning all the rules. I just need to keep at it and do my best. My partner likes to go out the track and run and i have been with him a few times and quite enjoyed it too, trying to build up my energy, so unfit lol! again i need to really believe i AM capable of it. I had a fainting fit a little while back when i was at the gym due to low iron and dehydration so since then i havent pushed myself super hard in case it happens again! eek this is my negative thinking pattern i have see!

I still don think ive found my thing that i can totally immerse myself in and absolutely LOVE, i mean theres things i like to do and doing my beauty diploma is great but i want to find my passion… its a work in progress i think, im not very patient so probably rush through alot without really enjoying the task at hand.

I will definitely keep posting in here and moving forward, Thanks again for your advice and well wishes x