hello,

I think you got some amazing insights in the previous posts… I will just add few more insights…

You said you have stressful job. I believe we all need a dream, a fantasy in order to ‘survive’ sometimes. Something to look forward to at the end of the day, something distant and tempting that is giving us a purpose in our ‘gray’ daily routine. You lost this guy, and now he is somewhere out there, untouchable, an to you – perfect. It’s like an exciting movie scene, where you should somehow magically end up together and live happily ever after.. Your mind learned to live in this exciting plot where you are the main character, and maybe this ‘movie’ is your secret sweet escape from reality.

And when it comes to your fiancee… We do take for granted these kind of people sometimes. He is here, he is perfect, he is supportive and he loves you. And there is no challenge in it.. As it was mentioned before, your mind doesn’t see a possible task and problem here, and that’s just how your mind works in general. When you crave food, you stop thinking about it the moment you eat it. Till you are hungry again.

Do not blame yourself, most of the women engage in these kind of romantic ‘movies’ in their mind. It’s just our brain and romantic nature playing it part. But if you wanna go all the way with the what if..?

What if this old love shows up at your door and says he wants to be with you, forever, and you have to evaluate him as a ‘life partner’? He has changed in 12 years, you know…

And you have to look your loving fiancee in the eye, break his heart, face a possibility of a life without him, and his support. Date again, look again in someone else what you’ve already found in him.. I don’t know about you, I am in my 30’s also, just the thought of dating again tires me 🙂

My advice is make a challenge in your new relationship… A romantic surprise, a small trip to somewhere you’ve never been, try something new and adventurous you’ve never tried before. Something to look forward to, that will entertain your mind enough in order for you not to seek escape in romancing ‘the past’.

I am sending you my best wishes

• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Maria_L.